by Ada Porat | Feb 28, 2023 | Change bad habits, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Resilience, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Alexander Schimmeck, Unsplash
Everyone desires to improve their life in some way: to heal something, change limiting habits, find a romantic partner, lose weight, reach their highest potential, develop intuition, find their soul purpose, and more.
As long as we are alive, this process continues. Norman Mailer put it this way: “Every moment of one’s existence one is growing into more or retreating into less. One is always living a little more or dying a little bit.” There’s always a next step waiting to be taken, yet everyone – absolutely everyone – has trouble accomplishing these laudable goals. In fact, we spend an inordinate time making up reasons and excuses for not moving forward.
Not moving forward is extremely painful. It creates a sense of frustration with yourself because the desire to grow and expand comes from your soul. Resistance to following your path blocks the very expression of your soul. Imagine the impact of such dense emotions that accumulate in the body over years of wrestling with the same dysfunctional patterns!
Here are three practical steps to help you get unstuck and move forward more effectively:
- Ditch fear of humiliation
Most people are controlled by fear of being humiliated or judged by others – and that fear prevents them from moving forward in their lives.
You can overcome this paralyzing fear by recognizing that your true locus of control is inside of you; it does not come from anyone outside you. When you acknowledge the Divine Presence in you and start to follow its gentle prompting, you’ll find the courage and validation you seek within yourself.
Looking outside ourselves for approval or acceptance is an ego trap. It breeds fear of being humiliated whenever external feedback conflicts with our ego needs and is actually a form of pride.
True commitment to our soul path brings about a sense of authentic humility. When we no longer seek approval from outside ourselves, we’re better able to align with Higher truth within. Our relationship with Spirit cultivates deep inner honesty and humility within us. We no longer need to impress or win the fleeting approval of others; instead, we embrace with our true identity as souls and learn to operate by Higher law, resulting in inner peace.
Fantasy or reality?
Do you find yourself bargaining that you’ll do what you need to as soon as the children are grown, or after you’re out of debt, or once you get a new job? Are you dreaming of the life you desire if only you had the money, time or resources? Empty dreams are fantasy – they keep us in a state of scarcity unless we take appropriate action!
Here’s another way to look at life: Everything that shows up in your life and mine, is perfect for the purpose of our growth… not our comfort! On this planet, results are built by matching vision with action, step by step. Nothing falls from the sky ready-made, and circumstances never pause to create the perfect show-stopping moment for us to step into. If we wait for the perfect opportunity before taking action, we may even miss the steppingstones along the way. To break free from wishful thinking, the question to ask yourself instead is, “What I am I doing in the meantime?”
A colleague of mine used to tell her clients, “It’s only too late if you don’t start now!” You cannot satisfy your soul’s yearning with empty dreams and promises – you’re made of better stuff and your soul knows that! Start taking action now with the guidance you already have, and the next step will show up. When guidance is given but you don’t act on it, you may end up with information overload – overwhelmed, stuck or frustrated – whereas steady action will clear the way forward.
Information overload
Information overload can come from asking for input from too many people but never acting on the information stuffed into your energy field. It is normal to gather information before moving forward. The trap lies in over-analyzing each piece of information or waiting for more guidance to appear before acting. This can move you into analysis paralysis or information overload with too much data floating around in your mind, triggering your fears, anxieties, limitations, or past trauma, so you end up too confused to start. Information overload also happens when giving your power away to others instead of taking full responsibility for your own life.
To break free from the bog of information overload, go back to the beginning and look at the very first step that needs to be taken. If internal chatter of fear, bargaining or limitation arises in response, deal with it! Your power lies in choosing your truth in the face of your fears. Drill down to the source of fear and recognize it for what it is – the ego’s stalling tactic to keep you from changing. Let go of it and take the first step forward despite the fear, and it will diminish. Once you’ve taken the first step, you can ask for more guidance, listening within for it. The next breadcrumb will show up!
Collectively, these three steps can help you get unstuck from the sticky bogs of stagnation, and help you live more effectively.
©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com
by Ada Porat | Jan 16, 2023 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Life skills, Personal growth, Resilience
Photo Credit: Francesco, Unsplash
We all feel the enormous impact of irreversible change that has swept around the globe in recent years. None of us knows exactly how our lives will be different by the end of this decade; we simply know that it will be different in more ways we can imagine. We cannot go back to yesterday or the life we lived ten years ago. Life as we knew it, is over – there is no going back.
Yet even as we recognize that the past is irrevocably over, we feel the stirring of something new within, the inklings of a new way of life that can replace the old. This gentle shift within offers us an incredible opportunity to become positive change agents who create innovative pathways, tools and systems for a new way of life to emerge.
You and I are living on the cusp between the old and the new; we are the ones who get to choose and lean into a new way, creating a new world and a fresh start. The choices we make in each present moment are energizing the shifts to create a sustainable future for us all.
Exciting? Oh, yes! And a little scary? Of course!
These times of change and uncertainty are messy for sure. Many of us are grieving losses that have piled up in recent years: loved ones, work, friends, homes, health, life as we knew it, and more. We may even yearn for the “good old days” if ever there was such a thing.
There are no iron-clad guarantees and reassurances for this process involving the death and rebirth of our physical reality – and so everyone is learning to adapt and innovate.
And yet as Nature reminds us with each passing season, death is followed by rebirth in a continuous cycle of life.
Around us, the totality of life remains filled with untapped possibilities and probabilities. Every challenging circumstance contains the seeds of possibility for us to tap into and create more optimal outcomes from the inside out.
What do you wish to see in your world? How do you intend to participate to bring that about? It is indeed a time to dream big, to vision and be bold.
As we move forward on this bridge between the world we knew and the one we are creating, we need to travel light: we need to let go of things outside ourselves that we cannot control, so we can take charge of our inner reality, which is completely in our hands. We also need step into our individual and collective maturity to support wise choices. Let’s look at how to get from here to there.
During times of uncertainty, emotions can feel overwhelming. Daily events may trigger shock, grief, fear or anxiety. These emotions are to be expected, because we are awash in a sea change of unknown currents.
When our survival instincts are triggered, we can become defensive, reverting to basic survival tactics and protective measurements for a sense of security. However, defensiveness keeps us stuck in resistance and prevents us from moving forward.
To keep moving, it is important to remember who you really are: you’re not just an ego in a body suit, you are an eternal soul who came on this earth journey to participate in the evolving consciousness of all life at this time.
You are so much more than your physical being! There are more resources available to you at non-physical levels than you can imagine. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, stop for a moment and take inventory of your spiritual resources in the world of Cause, rather the limited results around you in the world of Effects.
Humans are blessed with innate creativity and innovation. Despite challenges – and perhaps even because of them – we can create effective pathways forward.
We simply need to let go of lower levels of consciousness from where the problems in our world were created. Clearly, the challenges of our time require more than the duality-based limitations of an outdated Cartesian world view. We are asked to embrace the myriad possibilities coexisting in the Field, because higher awareness and a larger scope are essential for creating optimal outcomes now.
These uncertain times invite us to return to right relationship with our innate Self. We’re learning what no longer works, what no longer nourishes us, and what we no longer tolerate. We’re recognizing what we truly want from life, so we can make better choices for ourselves and the greater good.
Humanity has outgrown the childlike stance where a few can dictate and make choices for the collective. As each one of us steps into maturity and takes full responsibility for our own decisions, it will ripple outward and create optimal collective outcomes.
No matter how bleak and uncertain things appear to you, don’t look back. Go beyond!
Reach beneath the surface defenses of reactivity and blame, to the Presence of Spirit at your core. That Presence contains all possibilities and potentialities.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to enter that inner space of peace and calm. Simply hold that space until clarity arises. In so doing, you open up to possibilities beyond linear thinking so you can make optimal choices.
Times of uncertainty also call for spiritual maturity. We’re asked to let go of waiting to be rescued, and to step onto the path as mature being, knowing that we are the very ones we’ve been waiting for. Spiritual maturity empowers us to leave behind the outdated, limiting roles assigned to us so we can co-create a better future.
Maturity gives us faith in unseen possibilities, so we can hold onto the intention for what can be. It asks us to look beyond the limitations of what was or is, so we can see and embrace new possibilities that show up now.
This is an invitation to become fearless! Do not allow obstacles on the surface of life to undermine your faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of what is not yet seen. Hold on to that and you will prevail.
We’re also need to travel light. It’s time to clear out old conditioning, to heal the memories of past wounds, and to let go of what’s no longer needed. By freeing ourselves from past hurt and limitations, we create more room for our lives to unfold.
Do not let others tell you what is appropriate for you. When you let others decide for you, you abdicate your power. Evaluate, contemplate within and choose for yourself.
Above all, embrace the process of individual growth, for it is your evolutionary lifeline. Let go of resistance and you will discover new possibilities emerging from the Truth within.
As mature beings, we learn to be at peace with not knowing. We embrace the ever-changing nature of life and take full responsibility for our individual choices along the way.
It is safe to trust in the benevolent plan of a loving Creator – and to trust yourself. Personal mastery requires you to trust yourself, trust the unseen hands that guide and uphold you, and to trust the Divine plan which may be invisible to the eye, yet is unfolding even now.
Maturity also teaches us to stay in the void of uncertainty and discomfort; to resist grabbing for some fake version of permanency or settle for some substance to numb our awareness. The security we want is within; it does not lie outside of us.
When borne of fear or resistance, compromise is not our friend. To evolve, we dare not let the familiarity of known limitations hold us back from the limitless possibilities we do not yet see. Resolve not to settle for the devil you know, but to push beyond.
Personal mastery shifts our focus away from external conditions beyond our control to our inner life over which we have ALL control. That is where we find the innate power, peace and creativity to creative a better world where everyone can thrive.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://www.adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jun 21, 2022 | Conscious living, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Resilience, Spirituality
Photo credit: Rajesh Rajput, Unsplash
“Out of collision of opposites the unconscious psyche always creates a third thing of an irrational nature, which the conscious mind neither expects nor understands.” Carl Jung
How do we create unity and integrity in our world so those who are awakened can work together for the highest good of all? I believe it requires evolving spiritual consciousness. The world created by lower levels of consciousness is no longer viable: it pushes short-term agendas that benefit only an elite few, whereas higher consciousness fosters a long-term vision that includes and benefits all.
To foster more spiritual consciousness on the planet, we need to awaken the spiritual hero within each of us.
The archetypal hero within is common to all human cultures. It is a global story that reminds us of true purpose and potential. It calls us to tap into our innate power and to overcome daunting obstacles in our heroic visionary quest for optimal outcomes. When we embrace our spiritual hero archetype, we also tap into the infinite creativity and limitless possibilities of Source. The continuously evolving nature of Source helps raise our levels of consciousness so we can overcome challenges, becoming the spiritual hero in our own life.
Developing spiritual consciousness awakens us to the archetypal spiritual hero within. This aspect of our being is not restricted by fear or by the conditioned limitations of the ego self. It connects us to our Source, so we can access higher level solutions to transcend inner and outer limitations. Our radiant higher nature can light our path and bless all other forms of life.
Alignment with the Source of life awakens the fearless hero within so we can stand tall and face challenges with the courage born from deep inner knowing. It teaches us harmonious ways to align with others and uplift our interactions. This inner union with Source brings joy, not fear. It heals and includes, whereas ego-based actions attack and oppress.
The need to wage war and oppress comes from ego, not from Spirit. It creates a broken and suffering world where conditioned minds only know how to look at events through the lens of defense and domination.
Our souls are not at war, nor do we need to be.
Our souls are intimately connected to the Source of all life, goodness, abundance and harmony. There is no need for us to embrace conflict or limitation. We are called to be spiritual heroes, not suffering slaves!
From the perspective of spiritual consciousness there is no enemy to fear, attack or control. There are only blind minds and mass-programmed egos running amok. These are the issues that need to be changed, and they will change by awakening and finding solutions from higher levels of consciousness.
All of us are called to awaken to the hero within, yet few choose to respond. It takes courage to change ingrained beliefs that we are weak and limited.
You and I were created for these times! Our personal heroic journey to freedom beckons. Where do we start?
The hero’s journey starts with alignment to our Source, so true power can flow into us from there. In the presence of this alignment, fear and falsehood dissolves. The more we embrace Higher truth and love within, the more our lower nature is purified and integrated in service to Source. Ultimately, we can become shining beacons of hope, radiating inspiration and positivity for others to evolve.
We also develop higher spiritual consciousness by cultivating unconditional love for Spirit and for ourselves. Then we are able to extend that unconditional love to others, including the ones still acting out their shadow. It is the presence of unconditional love that awakens the human heart, not judgment or hatred.
We further awaken to our true nature as spiritual beings having this earth experience. We come to understand that our true nature is spirit, not ego. The ego is a human construct created by blind minds, feeling separated from Truth. The old paradigm of separation drops away as we come to understand that we are each a unique expression of the one Source. We are all one. Each of us are part of everything, the whole universe.
This recognition of Oneness reframes our relationships with all other expressions of life around us. There is no one individual better than any other; we are simply different expressions of the one Source.
Since we all come from Source, each of us has access to that power and inspiration. We do not need to find the hero in another to fuel our purpose. We need to discover it within ourselves first, no matter how long it takes.
When we let go of the limiting conditioning and fully embrace our oneness with the Creator, it fills us with humility, awe, joy, inspiration and passion. We can drink from that fountain of wisdom and let it renew our commitment to do our part in the unfoldment of humanity’s potential. We embark on the spiritual hero’s journey!
All change begins within. Whatever we wish to change, needs to first be changed within us. So do you want to see a more loving world? Become more loving. Do you want to experience more abundance? Become more generous. This is how we change the world – leading by example!
This work of awakening to spiritual consciousness and embarking on the spiritual hero’s journey, is our ultimate purpose in life. The drama and drive on the surface of life are simply distractions to this true work.
Refuel your passion every day, so you will have resilience to navigate the twists and turns of life. You are a spark of the Creator and your passion is fed by consciously participating in creativity: whether you create a tasty meal, create a beautiful garden, create technical solutions or create community with other individuals. When you create, you tap into your oneness with the Creator and refuel your passion for your purpose.
On the spiritual journey, it does not matter whether you are in the front, the middle or the back of the pack – you are part of one human tribe traveling home to our Source. The hero’s journey is not a race: simply doing your bit daily will carry you to the finish line.
When you feel wobbly, remember that you are the one you have been waiting for! Awaken the spiritual hero within and join the wave of spiritual consciousness that is growing now. Together, we are embodying the vision for a better world.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit http://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Oct 23, 2020 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Resilience
Photo credit: Daniel Sessler, Unsplash
When we droop with fatigue, overwhelmed by the relentless pace of change, yet yearning for a better life, it is helpful to turn back to basics – hopefully a little wiser. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the heads up on a few things we may encounter along the way?
I sure could have used a few pointers along the way to smooth out the kinks! However, a huge range of life experience taught me some valuable lessons, and I am happy to share them. Here are eight insights from my personal playbook on surviving in this world of marvel and change. May it encourage, embolden and inspire you!
- You will pass from this life leaving an unfinished To Do list behind.
Shocking, isn’t it – and that despite your very best efforts every day! Today more than ever, there’s no reason to assume any fit between demands on your time – all the things you like to do or feel you ought to do – and the amount of time available. Thanks to capitalism, technology and human ambition, these demands keep increasing, while your capacities remain largely fixed. It follows that the attempt to clean up your To Do list is doomed.
The upside is that you need not berate yourself for failing to do it all, since doing it all is structurally impossible. The only viable solution is to make a shift: from a stressed-out rat race trying not to neglect anything, to a life intentionally lived and consciously choosing what to neglect in favor of what matters most.
- When stumped by a life choice, choose enlargement over happiness.
Jungian therapist James Hollis said that major personal decisions should be made not by asking, “Will this make me happy?” but “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?” We’re usually terrible at predicting what will make us happy: the issue quickly gets bogged down in our narrow preferences for security and control. Yet choosing enlargement elicits a deeper, intuitive response. You tend to know when leaving or staying in a relationship or a job, even though it might bring short-term security, would mean cheating yourself of growth.
- The capacity to tolerate minor discomfort is a superpower.
It’s shocking to realize how readily we set aside even our greatest ambitions in life, merely to avoid any level of unpleasantness. You already know it won’t kill you to endure the mild agitation of getting back to work on an important project, initiating a difficult conversation with someone, asking somebody out, committing to a workout routine, or checking your bank balance – yet you can waste years in avoidance! This is exactly why social media platforms flourish: they provide an instant, compelling distraction from reality where we can escape to at the first hint of unease.
Instead, you can truly empower yourself by gradually increasing your capacity for discomfort, similar to doing weight training. When you expect an action to bring up feelings of irritability, anxiety or boredom, you can stick to your commitment; let the feelings arise and fade while doing the right action anyway. Once you experience the rewards of tolerating discomfort, it will reinforce this path of walking straight ahead as a more appealing way to live.
- The advice you don’t want to hear is usually the advice you need.
I spent years fixating on becoming hyper-productive before I finally started wondering why I was staking so much of my self-worth on my productivity levels. What I needed wasn’t another personal goal, but asking more uncomfortable questions instead.
Yes, it isn’t fun to confront whatever emotional experiences you’re avoiding – if it were fun, you wouldn’t avoid them – so any advice that could really help is likely to make you uncomfortable, too. And that is okay! If you can muster up the courage to go where you really don’t want to, you may just break through to a deeper level of personal truth.
Be especially wary of celebrities offering advice in public forums: many of them pursue fame to fill an inner void, which tends not to work – so they are likely to be more troubled than you are and by the time you buy their snake oil, they’d have already moved on to the next gig.
Here is a bit of reverse psychology that does work: ask yourself what kind of practices strike you as intolerably cheesy or self-indulgent. Is it a gratitude journal, mindfulness meditation, or seeing a therapist? If you feel resistance rising, it might well mean that the very issue your ego is resisting, is the one worth pursuing.
- The future will never provide the reassurance you seek from it.
As the ancient Greek and Roman Stoics understood, much of our suffering arises from attempting to control what is not in our control. And the main thing we try but fail to control is the future. We want to know, from our vantage point in the present, that things will be OK later on. Yet we never can!
It’s wrong to say we live in especially uncertain times. The future is always uncertain; we’re simply very aware of it in current times.
No amount of fretting will ever alter this truth. Accept that certainty and it will set you free.
While we live in uncertain times, it is still useful to make plans. Make your plans with the awareness that a plan is only ever a present-moment statement of intent, not a lasso thrown around the future to bring it under control. The spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti said his secret for peace was simple: “I don’t mind what happens.” That does absolve you from trying to make life better for yourself or others. It just means not living each day anxiously braced to see if things work out as you hoped.
- The solution to imposter syndrome is to see that you are one.
In the current era of incompetent leadership, it is not possible to ignore corrupt governments and egocentric self-indulgence amid global threats of destruction to the point of extinction. Yet the way forward lies neither in complaining nor in passively accepting that we are all doomed.
I believe the answer lies in recognizing that you – unconfident, self-conscious, insecure, and all-too-aware-of-your-flaws – you potentially have as much to contribute to your field and to the world as anyone else.
Humanity is divided into two: on the one hand, those who are improvising their way through life, patching solutions together and putting out fires as they go, but deluding themselves by arguing for their limitations; and on the other, those doing exactly the same, except that they know it. It’s infinitely better to apply yourself and accept your failures and successes both as intrinsic parts of life.
Remember, the reason you can’t hear other people’s inner monologues of self-doubt is not because they don’t have them. It’s simply because you only have access to your own mind!
- Selflessness is overrated.
We respectable types, and women especially, are raised to think a life well spent means helping others – and plenty of self-help gurus stand ready to affirm for a price that generosity and sacrifice are the way to happiness. There’s truth here, but it generally gets tangled up with exploitation of deep-seated issues of guilt and self-esteem.
If you think you should be doing more, that’s probably a sign that you should direct more energy toward your true passions and ambitions. As Buddhist teacher Susan Piver said, it feels radical to ask how we’d enjoy spending an hour or day of discretionary time – yet the irony is that you don’t actually benefit anyone else by suppressing your true passions anyway. Instead of being disciplined about hating on yourself to get things done, try being disciplined about remaining close to what brings you joy. It takes a lot of courage, actually.
- Know when to move on.
And then, finally, there’s knowing when something that meant a great deal to you has reached its natural endpoint. All things in life come to an end, both the good and the bad. Your most empowering response is not to bewail the ending or unfairness of it all, or to hang on for dear life until your claw marks scar the very thing you loved most as life pulls it away from you. Your most creative choice in the face of endings, is to let go and to turn to what is next. The rest of life awaits, both for you and for me!
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Aug 29, 2020 | Cope with change, Personal growth, Resilience
Resilience is that enigmatic quality we all seek when life gets rocky; it is the quality that allows us to dig deep, find renewed courage and face our biggest fears so we can tame our dragons and emerge unscathed at the other end of turbulent times.
Radical resilience offers us that hidden ability during crisis to get back up, dust ourselves off and generate a new vision for our lives at every level.
Genuine resilience has nothing to do with claims of invincibility, superiority or willpower; rather, it depends on our willingness to be vulnerable and stand firm at the very times when we don´t know the next step.
In spiritual terms, resiliency involves the commitment to awaken further during times of setback instead of shutting down, and that awakening leads to growth in wisdom and faith.
Charles Dickens´ classic novel A Tale of Two Cities, opens with these lines:
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair … we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way …”
These words could well be used to describe current times instead of the French Revolution era almost 250 years ago that Dickens described! It tells about a time of chaos, conflict and despair; a time of controversies and contradictions, as well as happiness.
Still today, these challenges are inherent in life and thus continue. Life is filled with difficulties and triumphs, obstacles and opportunities.
Humanity is in the midst of a resurgent pandemic, suffering from a lack of leadership and facing the threat of economic collapse. We are caught up in civic uprisings and struggles against racial and social injustice worldwide. Beyond these immediate threats, we´re still facing a global climate crisis that makes the rest of our actions look like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
Because all things are interconnected, the transformation we yearn for involves not a single change, but a cascade of complex changes. The way we approach these changes, could ultimately lead to global destruction or a genuine transformation of the world as we´ve known it.
The critical choices and responsibilities are ours.
We are being called to a greater sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. Effective choices and actions must come from a deeper level of understanding. We are called on to embark on a collective rite of passage to transform old beliefs and find new ways to orient our lives despite radical uncertainty and rapid change.
The pressure caused by continuing, rapid, major crises reveals hidden fault lines, great inequities and painful injustices in all areas of our lives. It is calling us to respond with more than simple survival: long-term resilience requires that we respond in the midst of crisis with genuine inner change on a personal level, so we can merge our purified vision with others` to transform society from the bottom up.
Resilience is a hard-earned quality. It is not developed by a life of comfort, ease and safety, despite what the ego would have us believe. Only when faced with obstacles, stress, and external threat does resilience develop. Psychological studies show that children who do not face adversity early in life tend to lack a capacity for resiliency. As the old proverb goes, “Smooth seas make bad sailors.”
Resiliency can be developed by facing difficult times with faith and courage. It does not matter how many setbacks we face, or how many failures we experience, what matters is how we respond to challenges.
The soul is the only aspect of a person that cannot be overwhelmed. It is the seat and living source of human resilience.
We deepen our resilience by responding from the soul, and not the ego. Whereas the ego screams for revenge, the soul takes inventory and accepts humble responsibility for its own part in the unfolding picture. Instead of stirring up more turmoil, it forgives the wrongs. In so doing, it neutralizes the escalation of hatred and anger by extending forgiveness and compassion.
No matter how dark the night, the soul can find salient aspects to help the human soul awaken further. There is much that we can do to support this process.
We are in a collective rite of passage, a rare state of transition that can transform the nature of societies worldwide. If we can hold a vision for the emergence of a more inclusive humanity, we can find ways to navigate the rough terrain from here to there. Meanwhile, we need to embrace the unifying moments of community that appear in the midst of conflict, participating in these moments as part of the collective healing process where we agree to protect and care for one another.
In these troubled times, we can also draw closer to like-minded souls who share this greater vision. Our soul tribe may span the globe and all timelines past, present and future. We can find comfort in nature and in our animal companions. And we can draw from the well of Spirit to renew our faith so we can hold that vision for the world we wish to create, standing strong, brave and unwavering in the face of the demolition of the old. We can tend the sacred spark of our inner lives to embody a more soulful presence in this world.
Ultimately, it is the awakened soul that rises above isolation and despair. By nurturing this awakened state in ourselves and others, we will find the strength to hold onto that higher collective vision and to do our part toward its fulfillment. In fact, it is our sacred duty to support and serve the sparks of holiness we find others and in the world.
The light that burns in us is also the light that dwells in others; it is the hidden light at the center of all things. When the inner light of soul awakens from within, it enlivens things in the world around us as well. That is how things change, from the inside out; from the soul to the world. The radical resilience of the awakened heart can hold a vision of greater inclusiveness to spur us on toward acts of courage and forgiveness, leading us toward the creation of a better world.
by Ada Porat | Jul 22, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Life skills, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-awareness
Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to difficult emotions such as anxiety and shame. It is a portable form of therapy that can be applied anywhere.
Many people think of self-compassion as a weak trait and shun it in their effort to act tough. And yet, self-compassion is hugely important to help us learn and grow.
It allows us to become more resilient because we accept the inherent possibility of both failure and success in all areas of life, instead of resisting it. Through the lens of self-compassion, we recognize that both failure and success are part of the process of life. Instead of hardening our stance in the face of setbacks, this recognition helps us to accept ourselves and our best effort as good enough in each moment. Even when we fail, self-compassion gives us the courage to try again.
The aspect of ourselves that judges, blames or shames ourselves or others, will be the slowest in evolving. Our least evolved parts are usually stuck in basic survival instincts, including excessive self-criticism, fear, hatred and shame.
By healing this within us, we are able to fully evolve.
Whenever we feel threatened by something outside ourselves, we automatically revert back to the primal fight/freeze/flight response for protection and safety. We lash out, self-isolate or avoid confrontation instead of learning how to effectively deal with challenges.
When danger is experienced on the inside, we go a step further: we internalize the fight/freeze/flight response and instead judge, blame or abandon ourselves. We devolve toward self-criticism, isolation and stuckness – the unholy trinity of woundedness.
A good case in point is the anxiety that many people experience around public speaking. According to psychologist and mindfulness practitioner Dr. Chris Germer, a public speaking anxiety is not an anxiety disorder; it is a shame disorder. At the root of the anxiety that causes us to fear failure or to choke up, lies deep shame.
When we internalize our shame, we create anxiety.
Self-compassion dissolves this excessive shame and self-criticism to bring balance thru self-love. In essence, the practice of self-compassion allows us to hold ourselves in the midst of shame, acknowledging that we are all imperfect beings and embracing ourselves nonetheless.
Many of us extend compassion toward others, yet have difficulty in holding compassion toward ourselves. We can be compassionate to others because we don’t feel immediately threatened by their challenges.
And yet, healthy self-compassion is a necessary prerequisite to master before we can offer true compassion to others.
Why is it so difficult for us to develop self-compassion?
Self-compassion is not our first response at the instinctual level of survival; it is a skill we need to develop from a spiritual perspective if we wish to break free from living at basic levels of survival and evolve into our fullest potential. Old conditioning of self-judgment, unworthiness and shame also make it difficult for us to practice self-compassion and block our growth. To continue evolving, it becomes essential for us to address these emotions.
Self-compassion can be seen as a melting of the heart in the face of difficulty – stepping out of judgment and into compassion devoid of judgment for ourselves or others. It allows the lower, denser emotions to dissolve in the higher frequencies of compassion and love.
When the heart starts to soften around an issue, we will re-experience some of the same emotions previously triggered by conditions: shame, guilt, pain, grief, disappointment and more. And yet, as we learn how to hold that space of compassion for ourselves, we become strong enough to hold our pain as well. By becoming present and acknowledging these buried emotions, they can finally dissolve so we can let go of woundedness in our lives.
Self-compassion gives us the capacity to hold ourselves in love while we process old pain differently and resolve it, instead of staying stuck in a dysfunctional coping mechanism. This practice allows us to become stronger and more resilient, and we grow in grace.
Even as life continues to offer us emotional triggers, our growing ability for self-compassion and understanding empowers us to hold that safe space of compassion for ourselves. It allows us to see ourselves as a work in process, holding our struggles and the messiness of our lives in compassion. I believe this is what pioneering psychologist Carl Rogers meant when he said: “When I accept myself just as I am, I can begin to change.”
Self-compassion becomes easier with practice. It develops our ability to extend compassion and forgiveness to all forms of life, and to offer more life-expanding love to others. Ultimately, it connects us intimately to the abundantly rich wellspring life.
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence; it means treating ourselves with the same care, love and support we would give another.
This inner stance allows us to ask ourselves what we need and then giving that to ourselves. It allows us to recognize that all people are imperfect – including us – and to admit that in ourselves at the very moment we feel we’re failing. It gives us the grace to accept what is instead of getting stuck in resistance and denial.
At the core of self-compassion lies mindfulness – observing things as they happen and being willing to stay present with difficult emotions. Mindfulness is a wonderful practice because it teaches us how to step out of the drama and practice compassion toward ourselves and all sentient beings.
Lasting transformation comes not from just understanding the process of self-compassion, but putting it into practice as a personal way of living.
Here are a few guidelines to help you live from a place of self-compassion:
- When you find yourself failing or suffering, bring mindfulness to it – acknowledge that you are struggling to validate yourself.
- Remind yourself of the common humanity of the situation – this is not just you; it is part of all of life. Struggle is a part of life.
- Speak some words of kindness to yourself; comfort yourself and give yourself the encouragement that you would give your best friend.
- Cultivate the habit of practicing lovingkindness to yourself and all sentient beings in all circumstances – especially the challenging ones! An excellent place to start is with the Buddhist Lovingkindness prayer, one version of which you can find at Buddhagroove.
- Commit to a daily practice of self-compassion. In the flow of life, a self-compassionate response means honoring the pain of seeing what we’ve done; recognize difficult situations as areas in need of healing, acknowledging the experience and its related shame in love, and then opening our hearts with forgiveness and compassion in the midst of shame.
When more and more people commit to practicing self-compassion, we create a culture of kindness in which everyone can heal and grow. Together, we can become a force for healing in a broken world.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
