How To Never Shrink Yourself For Approval Again

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Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when you longed to speak, or holding back because you feared attack?  Author Anna Runkle calls this crapfitting – shrinking yourself to fit the limitations or expectations of others.

How would you live if you stopped shrinking your truth to avoid criticism?  Here are seven reminders to help you quit playing small and live with quiet dignity.

You don’t need to be admired to be whole.

Every time you trade your truth for approval or dim your light to avoid standing out, you erode your inner ground. Many of us do this because we learned that love was conditional, that belonging had to be earned.

But you were whole before the world asked you to conform. When we chase admiration, we anchor our worth to the fleeting opinions of others, drifting away from our own wellspring for the temporary approval of others. Your identity is not the sum of the roles you play; it is intrinsic to your being.

Think of the people who’ve touched your life most deeply. It wasn’t their fame that mattered – it was their presence. In the same way, when you live from your soul’s presence, it’s the way you make others feel that will be remembered.

Real presence doesn’t perform.

True presence is rooted in awareness, not approval. It is the stillness of a soul being fully present, having the strength to speak less yet effect more, and the grace to hold silence without fear.

Real presence is not about proving yourself; but being freed from the need to impress because you choose to be aligned within. In a world that shouts for attention, real presence whispers with clarity and lands deeply. The ones who listen fully and act with intention remain in our memory long after the loudest voices fade.

You don’t need to dazzle anyone. Just be present: whole, honest, and clear.

Self-regulation is the root of compassion.

At times, you may feel yourself pulled away from your center by the moods, needs and demands of others. In trying to appease their needs, you may abandon your own.

Self-regulation is not rigid control; it’s the art of remaining whole amid the pull of life. It is knowing your limits, setting healthy boundaries, and finding your way back when you stray. And from this inner steadiness, compassion naturally flows.

So, if you want more compassion in your life, protect your inner peace. A heart that’s self-regulated creates space for wisdom and compassion to grow. And when you no longer betray yourself to find acceptance, your love becomes the kind that heals.

Your boundaries are sacred.

Self-diminishing rarely happens all at once – it seeps in quietly: a compromise here, a forced smile there, the “yes” you didn’t want to give. Bit by bit, you trade yourself for a false peace that never lasts.

Boundaries are not walls; they are acts of truth. They say, I will not participate in my own diminishing. It is a commitment to yourself to not disappear in order to be loved. It is the way you live as though your time, your breath, and your spirit matter – because they do! Boundaries are the middle path between hardness and surrender: respect for yourself and for others, in equal measure.

Holding a boundary does not make you unkind – it’s an act of truth that makes you whole. When you stop shrinking to keep others comfortable, some will drift away. Let them. Their absence creates space for your true life to grow.

Even silence has a cost when it hides your pain.

There is a silence that heals, and a silence that hides. The first is chosen; the second chooses you.

When silence shields your truth to protect others from discomfort, it costs you more than it spares. True peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of honesty.  You don’t need to speak with anger to set a boundary; you only need to speak with truth. Hidden silence delays reckoning; it keeps outer peace outside while wounding you within.

You can break the cycle by understanding that expressing pain is not weakness, and that withholding it is not kindness. So speak your truth, even if softly, even when you feel shaky. Let your words be an offering of honesty, not aggression. In doing so, you embody peace that neither compromises nor disappears.

Love yourself as an unfinished masterpiece.

You are not a project to be perfected. You are a sacred unfolding of Divine potential. Self-love does not need to wait until you’re good enough; it begins here, in the messy cracks, as an ongoing becoming.

It’s not self-indulgence; it is refusing to speak to yourself in ways that deepen suffering. It lets you rest without guilt, forgiving yourself for what you didn’t know; and celebrating small joys without waiting for “someday.”

You are not a flawed version of someone better – you are a masterpiece in progress, so commit to be your own steadfast companion on the journey. Even an unfinished masterpiece is already art, and you are both the canvas and the artist.

The journey shapes you more than the outcome ever will.

In life, we’re taught to chase the finish line – success as proof we’ve arrived, failure as proof we haven’t. Yet the Yet the deepest transformation happens not in arriving, but along the journey. Too often we overlook the strength being woven into each step, the courage formed by choosing not to give up.

Outcomes can be stolen, delayed, or denied – but the way you walk along your journey is yours alone. Even the tallest tree is still growing; even the most awakened soul still learns. You have not missed your chance. Every step taken in love, truth, and presence shapes who you are becoming.

When you truly value the journey, you stop asking the world for permission to be enough. You already are. The path home is not upward or forward, but inward; into the steady strength of a heart that no longer needs to be admired to be free.

In the end, to stop shrinking is to return to yourself; to live from a place that neither begs for approval nor hardens against rejection. It is a quiet, steady courage: speaking when truth calls, resting when your soul needs stillness, loving without self-betrayal. When you honor your wholeness, you become both sanctuary and light to yourself and in the world.

And so we continue on life’s journey – not to arrive, but to live, remembering that we’re already whole.

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

Want to Change Your World? Try Changing Your Perspective First!

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“Crisis is the dangerous breaking of glass that opens locked windows of opportunity, requiring perceptiveness and courage to move through with care.”
~Tom Atlee, Co-Intelligence Institute

Winds of change are blowing all around, exposing long-held beliefs and calling for paradigm change. Do you have the courage and awareness to navigate these times? I believe you have!

You have a powerful tool within you that can help you change the most perilous situation around into an opportunity for growth. It all depends on your perspective; how you look at things.

Author Wayne Dyer once said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.” It’s when we have the courage to change our perspective, that we tap into our potential.

Many people are spell-bound by the fear and drama of a changing world. Such fixation on economic threats, political turmoil and uncertainty around the future can lead to blood pressure soaring along with credit card debt. Fear has become a powerful tool in the collective that can bog down efforts toward meaningful change.

No wonder that increasing numbers of people seek out pharmaceuticals to calm their depression and anxiety, while avoiding the root causes and ignoring signals from within that call for correction.

When we look out at the outer world, it may appear filled with broken systems and people that need fixing. But fixing things out there without changing our inner landscape is doomed to fail. The correction needs to happen from within us if we ever hope to see things change out there. We need to first adjust our perspective and change the way we look at things!

It has been said that evolution, like water behind a dam, knows where all the cracks are, and is working on them right now with increasing intensity.

Could it be that something new is trying to happen, seeking the transformation of the whole by requiring the healing of our individual cracks and weaknesses? Might it be possible that the world out there is out of balance because intensified spiritual energy is seeking to reawaken the true values of the heart in us – compassion, generosity, forgiveness, and a desire to live in harmony with all of life?

I propose that the ultimate way forward requires us to change our perspective. We need to acknowledge and embrace the challenges in our lives as the messengers they are: harbingers of a Higher Power that highlights the empty, misguided or meaningless places in our lives that yearn for truth.

If we continue to anxiously cling to the way things were, resisting change and wanting no disruption in our lives, we will also miss magnificent potential for growth and evolution, because our personal well-being is closely tied to the larger process of life on the planet.

I remember being surprised years ago when I read Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore. He titled one of the chapters “The Gift of Depression.” I had to think about that.

What would happen if we learned to submit our ego to a Higher plan, even when we don’t yet understand it fully? How would things change if we viewed problems and solutions as parts of the same coin, instead of resisting what shows up and failing to notice the opportunities inherent in challenges? What if true peace required us to let go of both resisting everything we don’t like and clinging to the things we think will bring us safety? The answers require a change in our perspective.

In a world where everything is interconnected, the seeds of today’s hardship may well grow into the fruits that become tomorrow’s happiness. Think back for a moment: who would you be today if it weren’t for the challenges you’ve faced? Did hardships not contribute to the deepening of your faith and the strengthening of your resilience? In fact, there is a jewel of awareness and growth offered in almost every challenge of life.

The decisions you’ve made at every point along the course of your life have determined the outcomes you experience now. So, how are they working for you?

If you want to experience different outcomes, you need to make different choices. Just consider for a moment what might happen if you make different choices. What might unfold if you embraced the unknown? Or if you dared to think out of the box and allowed new possibilities to emerge? Or had the courage to change your perspective?

Ah, the sky is the limit! Our biggest obstacles are not the circumstances out there that we face; it is our inner resistance that is born of fear. And once we become aware of this, we can step out of fear, change our perspective, and open our hearts to possibilities instead.

As we learn to make more empowering decisions as individuals, we’ll also find the potential to restore love, hope and unity to the wider world around us.

We could, as Tom Atlee suggests, “use our differences and our challenges creatively, not simply as problems to avoid or solve, but as signs of new life pushing to emerge – and as invitations into a new, more whole tomorrow.”

Our ability to move forward gracefully, rather than kicking and screaming, depends on our ability to change perspective. By choosing to perceive problems as opportunities, we can let go of past limitations and step into the rich possibilities inherent in this time to create the lives, the outcomes and the world we yearn for.

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

Feeling Left Behind? Everything You Seek Is Already Within You

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Do you sometimes feel left behind by the success of others?

As we scroll through social media images and posts of other people’s lives, we can get inundated by their success stories, health routines, spiritual awakenings and glowing reports. It can feel as if we’re lagging behind the crowd, waiting for our own breakthroughs.

When that happens – and it does happen to all of us – it’s time to remember the deeper truth that resides in all of us. We’re not broken and we’re not behind; we’re simply being called to go within.

Each one of us is on a unique journey that cannot be satisfied by the surface events of life. And once we turn toward our individual journey, we find that what we’re seeking has been inside us all along.

Through every breath, every season and every experience we have, this inner refuge has remained with us, always available to restore our peace and balance.

Spiritual teachings from many traditions have remind us that we are to be a light to the world and a lamp unto ourselves – not because the world lacks light, but because true joy can never come from outside ourselves. It arises from within, along with deep peace and reliable guidance, as we turn away from the ego noise in the external world to be with Presence within.

When we turn away from the endless distractions of the outer world, our hearts become still enough to recognize the presence of our Source within. That is where true meaning and fulfillment is found.

When I worked in hospice care, I often heard the stories of people who’d spent their entire lives chasing for happiness and fulfillment in their outer world, thinking that once they’d reached a certain goal, they’d find it. Some of them joined exclusive clubs for status, others chased after money, relationships or power; yet at the end of life, none of that mattered.

What I loved most was sitting with individuals who’d turned inward and started spending time with Presence, whether in meditation, prayer or contemplation. These precious beings shared how finding stillness awakened a deeper awareness within. They began to notice the beauty of small things, hearing birdsong more clearly, and awakening to a deep appreciation of all life.

Quiet times of self-reflection can lead to a life of profound emotional maturity and spiritual growth. Plato knew this secret when he recorded in his Apology that the unexamined life is not worth living. He understood that self-reflection is an essential step toward personal growth, becoming and fulfillment.

Turning inward can feel intimidating when we’ve spent a lifetime avoiding it. And yet, this is the essential first step toward peace; facing our wounds along with our fears, so they can be transformed by the healing power of Presence.

Peace doesn’t come from chasing after worldly achievements or from being more productive; it comes when we stop running from ourselves and our pain. When we finally turn within to face our deepest longings and desires, the Presence within starts reconciling us with our true identity as souls.

There is no savior in our outer world to deliver us from suffering; the path is walked from within. Peace comes when we allow this moment, and each present moment after this, to be enough. Nothing to resist, nothing to run from; simply being.

Peace, freedom and contentment are not gifts from outside ourselves; they are seeds already planted deep within the soil of our being. What’s needed to cultivate them is not more striving but gentle nurturing.

You’re not incomplete, you’re not too late, and you’re not behind. You’re already whole and have always been, dear soul! You may carry battle scars and grief, but within you also live immense sacred wisdom and potential. You’re already enough and your presence is enough.

The challenge is not to seek for more out there, but to turn to the sacred silence within and ask what you could discover here. As you turn within, notice the quiet way your heart continues to beat after all you’ve been through, and be grateful for its service.

Return to yourself, not as a project to fix, but as a friend to finally embrace your true self. This part of you has been patiently waiting beneath all the running, striving and busy distractions of life. When you come home to your true self, you’ll find there an essential part of you that’s been patiently waiting to welcome you back to your path, your truth and your peace.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve lost your way for a while to meet expectations of others or to seek their approval. What is important is that you come home to yourself; nurturing that precious flame of Presence that shapes the entire landscape of your life.

When you reach for the quiet strength of being authentic, you anchor yourself in your timeless, true identity.  You don’t have to change your whole life overnight; just start listening inward one breath at a time and find the part of you that needs tending right now.

You’re not broken, and you’re not lagging behind; you’re simply being called inward. Remember that everything you’ve been seeking has been inside you all along. As you turn toward that, the quiet wisdom of Presence will restore you from within.

©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com

Chaotic Times Offer Interdimensional Growth Opportunities – Are You Ready?

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Around us, waves of chaos and change seem to engulf lives, communities and even entire countries. How can we cope with chaos better?

Instead of seeing chaos as dangerous, we can view it as an interdimensional doorway to transformation. Chaos is not to be feared; it is an opportunity for us to grow by aligning with truth, developing our discernment and wielding the power of choice.

Aligning with truth becomes a superpower in a rapidly changing world. And to access higher truth, we need to learn how to discern truth from falsehood. That way, we can identify options that resonate with truth for ourselves and our environment. In this way, changes in our world are not scary; instead, they become opportunities for growth.

Another way we can use chaos as an opportunity for growth, is by discerning the agenda beneath surface events. Wherever there is an agenda for profit or power, it leads to corruption and ends in failure. Where there is an agenda for service, it brings people together to harness their collective abilities and work together for mutual success. Once we discern the ultimate agenda behind an action, we can choose to either align with it or move in a different direction.

Discernment also gives us the ability to make optimal choices because we can separate power from force: power operates from truth, whereas force is used to push ego-based agendas. The ultimate agenda of Higher truth is always inclusive, supportive and for betterment of all. It does not seek to control, judge, or separate.

Chaotic energy also clears space for vast change and fresh starts. As in any type of construction, the old must be removed to create space for new creation. Similarly, chaos often precedes the birth of new ways – which when embraced, offer renewal and when resisted, lead to destruction.

Life always holds up a mirror to us – both as individuals and as societies. As individuals, our actions are reflected back to us by the outcomes and people who show up in our lives. Likewise, projections that have driven the human collective are now reflected back in the outcomes so created. World events are mirroring back to us the ultimate outcomes of force, greed and control – outcomes that don’t feel good and may taint our future.

However, it is not all bleak. By making better choices, we can draw in more optimal outcomes, both at individual and collective levels. Every choice we make from a conscious perspective of inclusivity and betterment leads toward more optimal outcomes.

Choices made from greed or power lead to corruption and ultimate failure. On the other hand, choices made from an agenda of inclusivity and service unite people by tapping into their collective abilities for mutual success.

To create better conditions for a better world, then, we need to change our agenda and make more informed choices. Individual responsibility for our actions needs to replace unconscious choices based on rigid beliefs.

We can each start to improve our outcomes right where we’re at in this moment. The Hopi elders gave us clear instructions for this time in their prophecy:

“…there are things to be considered…

Where are you living?

What are you doing?

What are your relationships?

Are you in right relation?

Where is your water?

 Know your garden.

It is time to speak your truth.

Create your community.

Be good to each other.

And do not look outside yourself for your leader.”

Is your life a true reflection of your values? Does your work align with your values, or are you compromising your truth for a paycheck? Are you living the life you want for yourself, your children and the future? If you’re not content with the outcomes reflected back to you, it’s time to make different choices.

Each one of us has the power and the responsibility to align our lives with our highest truth as we understand it.  Chaos in our world becomes inevitable only when the underlying infrastructure of greed, manipulation and control is no longer sustainable.

Either we change, or chaos changes us. When we yield to the deeper process chaos offers, it becomes a powerful tool that can create new dimensional doorways to freedom.

During times of epic change, chaos dismantles the rigid infrastructures of limiting beliefs and forceful attitudes, so that meaningful change can take place. Chaos can come suddenly, shockingly and in unexpected ways. It tends to dramatically dislodge our allegiance to past structures and attitudes, opening us to new concepts that are more supportive.

Experiencing chaos in your life is not necessarily a sign you’ve failed; rather, it can indicate that sub-optimal things in your life are being stripped away to make space for a better infrastructure. You have an important participating role in this process of change, because you can choose what to align with and what to focus on.

Allow change to change you!

Choose faith over fear; truth over illusion; power over force. Focus on developing courage, not cowardice. And keep your eyes on the goal: remember what you’re here to do, what you desire to create, and the optimal outcomes you want to see.

The breathtaking potential of your intention aligned with Higher truth gives you access to transcendent power. This is the power that can drive meaningful change for the ultimate betterment of your life, your community and all of humanity. That power is within you – so align with it, embrace it and step into your role as a co-creator of reality.

©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com

How Presence Can Help You Live Life Without Regrets

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Have you ever wondered what you’ll regret most at the very end of life?

It’s rarely the mistakes you made; it’s the life you never fully lived, the words you never spoke, the moments you rushed through, the quiet joys you told yourself could wait.

That waiting makes for the greatest regret of all. But wait, this is not about dying; it’s an invitation to more meaningful living here and now.

When we begin to ask deeper questions like, Am I being true to myself or am I simply playing the roles expected of me?’ we start to find the deeper answers to living a meaningful life.

For years, I volunteered to sit beside people in the final days of their lives in hospice care, a fragile space where there is no need to pretend any longer. These dying people did not express regret about money, fame or success; rather, their regrets were about presence, love, courage, connection and joy that they’d postponed until it was too late.

They wished they had lived true to themselves. They wished they hadn’t worked so hard. They wished they’d spoken from their hearts more. They wished they’d stayed close to friends. And most of all, they wished they had allowed themselves to be happier.

To me, it was as if those who’d run out of time were passing the torch to the rest of us, reminding us how to live now before our someday turns into never.

Buddhism reveres the present moment as sacred because the past is already gone and the future is uncertain, but this moment contains the heartbeat of life. In this present moment, we have everything we need to begin again and to live fully.

The miracle of life is happening right here, in this quiet moment, now.

In the end, our souls yearn not for approval but for authenticity. The soul calls us to live in alignment with our heart’s quiet knowing. Living a life shaped by others’ expectations is to sacrifice the Presence that gives life meaning.

And there are so many opportunities for meaningful living each day: the moments shared with a child or pet, silence shared with a partner, a simple meal prepared with love.

In the Dhammapada, the Buddha reminds us there is no fire like passion, no crime like hatred, no sorrow like separation, no sickness like hunger, and no joy like the peace of contentment.

We were never meant to be human machines; we were meant to be aware, alive, and awake to the miracle of life, so we can be transformed by the process.

In our fear of being too different, we may choose to become too silent. We may hold back our affection, delay our apologies or suppress our truth. And yet, unspoken love can be the heaviest weight to carry.

Living authentically requires us to speak our truth from a place of clarity, compassion and courage.

It takes courage to say I love you or I forgive you or I need you. But by letting the moment pass, we may let the deeper gift of truth slip away.

Over time, this is often how friendships end – not through anger but by neglecting opportunities for shared laughter and vulnerability with someone who knew you when you were still becoming who you are today.

Spiritual friendship is really a journey shared with the people who walk beside us, whether for a season or a lifetime. These fellow travelers remind us of who we are; they hold up mirrors to reflect our process. When we lose these connections, we also lose parts of ourselves.

Of all the regrets I have heard expressed at the end of life, perhaps the most tragic of all is the quiet acknowledgement, I wish I’d allowed myself to be happier.

Because, you see, it’s not that happiness was unavailable, but that it was postponed: deferred until the house was paid off, or the children grown, or until there was more time or money, or the world more peaceful.

This deferral is based on a false assumption that happiness is a destination we’ll reach some day if we do all the right things, like a pot of gold at the foot of the rainbow.

In truth, happiness is not a destination but an attitude to cultivate. It is a presence found in stillness, in gratitude, and in letting go.

The regrets of those who pass are not meant to haunt us; they are lanterns to illuminate the path we can still walk, the doors we can still open and the life we can still live now.

The real measure of life is not found in how much we accomplish but in how deeply we live and how tenderly we love.

May you return to this stillness often and enjoy the beauty of each present moment.

©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com

Discouraged and Overwhelmed? Never Give Up!

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Sometimes during difficult transitions, you have to say, “Enough!” to all the scary voices in your head. You need to remind yourself that those tiresome inner voices do not have your best interest in mind. It’s time to align instead with a Higher strength within you, no matter what.

We all spiral down at times. It can feel like life is punishing you or that you’re completely lost and nothing is worth the struggle any more. You may start giving up on your dreams. Your hopes and heart may turn to stone.

These are not times to fear; they are opportunities to transition into higher truth. You’re being asked to make a choice; to love and advocate for yourself in a more powerful way than ever before. You are challenged to choose faith over fear.

Where fear feels like a monolith of pain, here’s what faith looks like: You breathe deeper. You commit to be kind to yourself. You put one foot in front of the other. Baby steps perhaps, but you keep going. You resist catastrophizing. You refuse to fight yourself or argue for your limitations. And you make this vow: I will not go down. I am not done yet. I will never give up.

Sure, we all have “good” reasons for giving up on our dreams and hopes. We all reach days when just crawling out of bed seems like too much trouble. And yes, we could abandon our faith in ourselves or a Higher Power that guides us.

We may feel as if heaven has forgotten our name and the enemy is hot on our trail.  And abandoning ourselves could even be considered realistic in a world that worships success.

But let me ask you this: are you really done yet? Are you completely done living, dreaming, trying and experiencing?  Because if you are, you really should be ready to just stop breathing right here, right now.

Here is the other side of the coin: Having faith is not weakness. Faith does not let you off the hook, no matter how much you try. Faith holds you responsible for what you believe because those beliefs determine every action you will take in this life.

You have known all along that there would be detours and disappointment on the journey through life, didn’t you? And it is exactly when the going gets tough, that you need to take strong action, not back off.

When you vow not to abandon yourself in the pain of the moment, you draw a line in the sand. You return to the light that fuels you, and you choose to fight for your real life, your inner core.

When you do that, you’ll remember Leonard Cohen’s song that there’s a crack in everything; that’s how the Light gets in.  You’ll remember that all lives are littered with rejection and ridicule and the loss of what we once held dear.

Nobody gets a permission slip to escape harsh realities, although we sure try to find that escape through our addictions and avoidance.

Here’s what to do instead.  Take a deep breath and rise again. Choose to trust in the compassionate guidance of a loving Creator instead. Know that your eternal soul will bring new opportunities your way. Never give up on the truth of who you really are. You were born to choose a life that is worthy of you, so choose it!

During times of uncertainty and change, don’t let fear shut you down. Instead, stand tall, hold fast and choose to believe in yourself, your life and the Divine guidance that’s on its way to you right now.

You are more than what you’re facing at this moment: you are the sum total of everything within you, so have faith. Trust that you will find a way and the way will find you; vow to never give up on yourself.

Author Jean-Paul Sarte said, “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.”  This is how you choose freedom: it’s the powerful moment when you resist the temptation to believe in powerlessness and victimhood.

No matter how dark your circumstances seem, you can start again to create a new life with heart and integrity; a life that would make your spirit proud. You are not your story; you are the victor who will tell the story in the end to inspire others.

Negativity blocks your potential by convincing you to deny yourself. Don’t go there. Don’t abandon yourself. Let appearances crumble, but do not give up on yourself.

Things will shift. That’s how life works. Tomorrow is another day. The sun will pierce the clouds and there will be other opportunities to thrive.

Feel free to grieve your losses but know that you never need to die to your true identity as a soul. You matter and you are loved by a benevolent universe. You are meant to thrive.

Remember your Source and your purpose, for that is where your support comes from!

©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com