by Ada Porat | Jan 16, 2023 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Life skills, Personal growth, Resilience
Photo Credit: Francesco, Unsplash
We all feel the enormous impact of irreversible change that has swept around the globe in recent years. None of us knows exactly how our lives will be different by the end of this decade; we simply know that it will be different in more ways we can imagine. We cannot go back to yesterday or the life we lived ten years ago. Life as we knew it, is over – there is no going back.
Yet even as we recognize that the past is irrevocably over, we feel the stirring of something new within, the inklings of a new way of life that can replace the old. This gentle shift within offers us an incredible opportunity to become positive change agents who create innovative pathways, tools and systems for a new way of life to emerge.
You and I are living on the cusp between the old and the new; we are the ones who get to choose and lean into a new way, creating a new world and a fresh start. The choices we make in each present moment are energizing the shifts to create a sustainable future for us all.
Exciting? Oh, yes! And a little scary? Of course!
These times of change and uncertainty are messy for sure. Many of us are grieving losses that have piled up in recent years: loved ones, work, friends, homes, health, life as we knew it, and more. We may even yearn for the “good old days” if ever there was such a thing.
There are no iron-clad guarantees and reassurances for this process involving the death and rebirth of our physical reality – and so everyone is learning to adapt and innovate.
And yet as Nature reminds us with each passing season, death is followed by rebirth in a continuous cycle of life.
Around us, the totality of life remains filled with untapped possibilities and probabilities. Every challenging circumstance contains the seeds of possibility for us to tap into and create more optimal outcomes from the inside out.
What do you wish to see in your world? How do you intend to participate to bring that about? It is indeed a time to dream big, to vision and be bold.
As we move forward on this bridge between the world we knew and the one we are creating, we need to travel light: we need to let go of things outside ourselves that we cannot control, so we can take charge of our inner reality, which is completely in our hands. We also need step into our individual and collective maturity to support wise choices. Let’s look at how to get from here to there.
During times of uncertainty, emotions can feel overwhelming. Daily events may trigger shock, grief, fear or anxiety. These emotions are to be expected, because we are awash in a sea change of unknown currents.
When our survival instincts are triggered, we can become defensive, reverting to basic survival tactics and protective measurements for a sense of security. However, defensiveness keeps us stuck in resistance and prevents us from moving forward.
To keep moving, it is important to remember who you really are: you’re not just an ego in a body suit, you are an eternal soul who came on this earth journey to participate in the evolving consciousness of all life at this time.
You are so much more than your physical being! There are more resources available to you at non-physical levels than you can imagine. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, stop for a moment and take inventory of your spiritual resources in the world of Cause, rather the limited results around you in the world of Effects.
Humans are blessed with innate creativity and innovation. Despite challenges – and perhaps even because of them – we can create effective pathways forward.
We simply need to let go of lower levels of consciousness from where the problems in our world were created. Clearly, the challenges of our time require more than the duality-based limitations of an outdated Cartesian world view. We are asked to embrace the myriad possibilities coexisting in the Field, because higher awareness and a larger scope are essential for creating optimal outcomes now.
These uncertain times invite us to return to right relationship with our innate Self. We’re learning what no longer works, what no longer nourishes us, and what we no longer tolerate. We’re recognizing what we truly want from life, so we can make better choices for ourselves and the greater good.
Humanity has outgrown the childlike stance where a few can dictate and make choices for the collective. As each one of us steps into maturity and takes full responsibility for our own decisions, it will ripple outward and create optimal collective outcomes.
No matter how bleak and uncertain things appear to you, don’t look back. Go beyond!
Reach beneath the surface defenses of reactivity and blame, to the Presence of Spirit at your core. That Presence contains all possibilities and potentialities.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to enter that inner space of peace and calm. Simply hold that space until clarity arises. In so doing, you open up to possibilities beyond linear thinking so you can make optimal choices.
Times of uncertainty also call for spiritual maturity. We’re asked to let go of waiting to be rescued, and to step onto the path as mature being, knowing that we are the very ones we’ve been waiting for. Spiritual maturity empowers us to leave behind the outdated, limiting roles assigned to us so we can co-create a better future.
Maturity gives us faith in unseen possibilities, so we can hold onto the intention for what can be. It asks us to look beyond the limitations of what was or is, so we can see and embrace new possibilities that show up now.
This is an invitation to become fearless! Do not allow obstacles on the surface of life to undermine your faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of what is not yet seen. Hold on to that and you will prevail.
We’re also need to travel light. It’s time to clear out old conditioning, to heal the memories of past wounds, and to let go of what’s no longer needed. By freeing ourselves from past hurt and limitations, we create more room for our lives to unfold.
Do not let others tell you what is appropriate for you. When you let others decide for you, you abdicate your power. Evaluate, contemplate within and choose for yourself.
Above all, embrace the process of individual growth, for it is your evolutionary lifeline. Let go of resistance and you will discover new possibilities emerging from the Truth within.
As mature beings, we learn to be at peace with not knowing. We embrace the ever-changing nature of life and take full responsibility for our individual choices along the way.
It is safe to trust in the benevolent plan of a loving Creator – and to trust yourself. Personal mastery requires you to trust yourself, trust the unseen hands that guide and uphold you, and to trust the Divine plan which may be invisible to the eye, yet is unfolding even now.
Maturity also teaches us to stay in the void of uncertainty and discomfort; to resist grabbing for some fake version of permanency or settle for some substance to numb our awareness. The security we want is within; it does not lie outside of us.
When borne of fear or resistance, compromise is not our friend. To evolve, we dare not let the familiarity of known limitations hold us back from the limitless possibilities we do not yet see. Resolve not to settle for the devil you know, but to push beyond.
Personal mastery shifts our focus away from external conditions beyond our control to our inner life over which we have ALL control. That is where we find the innate power, peace and creativity to creative a better world where everyone can thrive.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://www.adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jul 19, 2021 | Empowering changes, Life skills, Personal growth
Photo Credit: Rachel McDermott, Unsplash
Is there a difficult situation in your life that you’d like to turn around? Learning how to use the power of focused intention can turn things around and draw in amazing outcomes! Here is how:
The vibrational power of our words and intentions powerfully affects our experience of life. Research by the Institute of Noetic Science and others shows that all mental states are accompanied by vibration and each vibration attracts to it external conditions that resonate with its inherent frequency.
Japanese researcher Dr. Masaru Emoto took this information further by showing how water molecules respond to the emotions and intentions projected onto them. Both our positive and our negative emotions carry great power and can become enormously effective tools for change when we learn how to focus them wisely.
Every emotion, thought and word we engage with, sets into motion energy ripples that deliberately attract resonant outcomes to us from a field of infinite probabilities. In fact, everything that has been created, started with a thought: “I think I’ll plant a garden” or “I think I’ll go back to school.”
That thought acts like a blueprint; it creates an image of the intended form, which then through emotion attracts resonant energy to flow into that form until it eventually manifests on the physical plane.
When we focus on a thought with intention and visual imagery, we set into motion a laser beam of focused energy to attract the desired outcome. Top athletes often use intention, fueled by visualization and affirmation to focus their minds and improve their performance.
Some people tend to focus their attention on the outcomes they fear most in life: illness, loss of income, or the loss of security. Other focus their attention on the positive outcomes they desire in life: healthy relationships, joyful work, and so on. Both approaches work because thoughts become things. Wouldn’t it be so much better to focus on the thoughts that would bring us the intentions we desire? When we understand that thoughts become things, we become motivated to focus our intention on positive thoughts!
Does this mean that we should deny or resist the presence of the opposite outcomes we don’t want? Not at all! In this world of duality, polarity is necessary for us to exercise our freedom to choose. Denial is a Pollyanna-type process of bypassing reality.
There is no need to resist anything either; resistance actually pulls us away from our innate state of loving compassion and traps us in judgment. And as we’ve all experienced, whatever we resist, has a tendency to persist!
Instead of resisting what we don’t want, the pathway of true personal empowerment invites us to harness our intention into clear focus on the chosen outcome. In so doing, we set into motion the creative power of intention to bring about any change needed so there can be harmony between our intentions and our actual experience.
Intention is a powerful force for both healing and manifestation. The creative power of our intention ripples out around us to attract people, situations and synchronicities to actualize the desired outcome. Imagine using that powerful intention to attract clients that can benefit from your skills, friendships you are ready to enjoy, and opportunities where you can be of meaningful service. This principle can turn your life around!
Intentions need to be fine-tuned to increase the power of the process. If you don’t like the results you are getting, then refine your intentions to match exactly how you want the outcome to look. This dynamic process will ensure that the resulting experience matches your evolving thoughts, intentions and actions.
You are much more powerful than you know. Your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs have an immediate, scientifically provable, effect on your world. Because the body is electrical and each cell in the body has a positive and negative charge, you are continuously, magnetically charged with the energy vibrations of your thoughts.
Thoughts ultimately magnetize a resonant energy field around us. We can tap into this power consciously. Instead of existing in a frequency of fear, lack and limitation, you can interrupt habitual, negative thinking with, “How would I prefer things to be?” or “What would be a better way to respond?”
With practice we can strengthen the power of intention as well. By identifying and releasing blockages that keep you stuck in limited thinking, you can choose to focus your intention on more appropriate thoughts positively creative ways to attract optimal outcomes.
Intention is a powerful tool that lets you consciously focus your mind on the outcomes you choose, rather than the ones you fear. Life will respond in turn, creating the outcomes you intentionally focus on as you harness the power of your intention for positive unfoldment.
©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. Ada Porat is an energy kinesiologist & spiritual counselor with extensive international teaching & clinical experience. She uses body/mind/spirit techniques to help clients make optimal life choices. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com
by Ada Porat | Feb 24, 2021 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Happiness, Joy, Life skills, Peace, Personal growth, Spirituality
The Four Noble Truths represent the Buddha’s fundamental teaching that liberates humans from suffering. These four truths can be summarized as follows:
- Life Inherently Contains Suffering And Struggle
Life involves struggle, frustration and suffering in both obvious and subtle forms. Even when things appear peaceful externally, we do not experience permanent satisfaction in anything but may feel an undercurrent of internal anxiety and uncertainty. This is the inherent problem of existence.
- Craving Is The Cause Of Suffering
The cause of suffering is craving that stems from ignorance. We suffer because we tend to blame our difficulties on things outside ourselves. We resist the truth that life is impermanent and change is constant – instead, we grow frustrated when the world doesn’t behave the way we think it should and life doesn’t conform to our expectations. We try to push away some things while grasping for others. This process of attachment and resistance stems from our desire for life to be different than it is and causes suffering.
- Suffering Stops When Craving Ends
Since we are ultimately the ones that cause our own suffering by perpetuating the cycle of craving and resistance, we also have the power to end our suffering. Even when life is unpredictable and impermanent, we can change the way we respond to it. By awakening to the true nature of our timeless souls, we can end the chase after external satisfaction and permanence, and so end the suffering. In the awakened mind, it is not the suffering that ceases, but the craving.
- There’s A Path Out Of Suffering
By embracing the path of right living, we can awaken to our Higher nature. This path involves ethical living, developing wisdom and discernment, and adhering to a personal practice that supports our emerging consciousness. This personal journey of awakening frees us from suffering and ultimately leads to enlightenment.
Most of us struggle with the practical application of these Four Noble Truths. Our human tendency is to avoid all pain and suffering, which only perpetuates our struggle.
Instead, I suggest that we look at the Four Noble Truths as recommendations for right living; guidelines to help us navigate life’s challenges more effectively. By presenting the Four Noble Truths as practical guidelines for living, they become powerful tools to guide our responses to life.
I propose using the acronym AREA to remember the structure of the Four Noble Truths in practical ways: Accept Life As Is, Release Reactivity, End Grasping, and Act Appropriately.
When we respond to these Four Noble Truths in appropriate ways, they will indeed expand our inner area of spaciousness and peace, and ultimately expand the area or scope of our True nature.
- Accept Life As Is
When we allow conscious awareness to infuse everything we do, we become more tolerant. We no longer interpret everything that does not go our way as a personalized attack on our ego selves; instead, we recognize it for simply being a part of life. When we experience a setback, we can see it as an opportunity for learning and growth; not as something unfair to be judged or avoided.
The Course in Miracles teaches that it is the meaning or interpretation we give to things, that makes them appear as good or bad; in truth, it simply is a part of life. Embracing the very impermanence of life can foster in us a deeper appreciation for the fleeting and precious nature of each moment.
- Release Reactivity
Human neurobiology makes it virtually impossible for us to constantly maintain a state of inner equilibrium without spiritual awareness. Our senses are continuously providing feedback through physical symptoms, emotions, thoughts and feelings. Equilibrium requires us to be with reactivity in a different way: learning how to respond instead of to react. We stop the cycle of reactivity by understanding that sensory feedback loops are valuable messages to respond to; not interference to react to, judge, resist or avoid.
When we experience physical symptoms or pain, our innate reactivity may prompt us to either resist the symptoms with medication or to grasp for some miracle cure outside of ourselves. Instead, perhaps it would be more meaningful to first dialogue with the symptoms for a deepened understanding of what they’re trying to tell us; and once we understand the deeper message, we’ll be able to respond appropriately so the messenger can be released. This process of responding instead of reacting allows us to create more inner space for growth in consciousness.
- End Grasping
It is essential to learn how to respond to life’s difficulties with an open mind, free from the conditioned behaviors of judgment, fear or craving. This inner attitude of non-attachment frees us from the endless cycles of attachment and aversion to offer us genuine freedom and inner peace instead. The Sedona Method puts it this way: “Embrace that which you resist, and surrender that to which you cling.”
Relinquishing our positionalities rewards us with freedom from craving. Positionalities are in truth nothing other than learned behaviors and limiting beliefs, so relinquishing them truly opens up space for us to thrive.
- Act Appropriately
In shamanic traditions, appropriate action is referred to as “right living.” Appropriate action requires conscious awareness of our inner motives, beliefs and reactions. It nurtures the development of the observer/witness, or our Soul self. It is in aligning with this Higher aspect of being, that we are transformed to live from our full potential.
The more we fine-tune our responses to life appropriately reflect our Higher nature, the more inner freedom, peace and joy we experience. This is the core of all personal growth. Creating a path of appropriate action nourishes us at all levels and honors our true purpose in life – the embodiment of our Higher nature.
Using AREA can serve as a practical reminder to keep us aligned with the Four Noble Truths. The result is more inner peace, harmony and joy.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Dec 22, 2020 | Conscious living, Life skills, Personal growth, Self-awareness, Spirituality
Source: Stainless Images, Unsplash
“Without order, nothing can exist. Without chaos, nothing can evolve.” — Oscar Wilde
Amid these chaotic times, we are seeing a global awakening to higher consciousness. This process of emerging inner awareness and spiritual yearning is opening our eyes to new ways of being, removing the blindness that kept us in the tyranny of egos run amuck.
Yet it begs the question: after awakening, then what? In Buddhist philosophy there is a saying: “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
In other words, awakening to higher consciousness does not exempt us from doing the work; it changes the consciousness we bring to the task. We learn to live with the eyes of our consciousness wide open. There is no magical point of arrival; it is a lifelong process that continues as long as we live in physical bodies.
We cannot download awakening, we become it. We do not buy it somewhere by paying for some blessing by an enlightened being; we cultivate awakened spiritual awareness within by finding and aligning with truth. We nurture awakened consciousness by question those aspects of our self that mitigate against it.
In the process, we discover how wise action in each present moment can change the next. We learn how, by staying present to the full triumph and catastrophe of human experience, we can recalibrate and shape the course of history rather than being shaped by it.
We’re living at a historical crossroad of monumental proportions. To choose well we need to harness our emerging consciousness to engage courageous thought and nurture fresh perspectives; not to stifle debate and feed dissent.
Living with eyes wide open enables us to affirm the healing radiance and power of the human spirit because we remember who we really are – Divine in origin, even as we travel along this human journey.
The power of our true nature cannot be diminished by tyranny or lies; it cannot be tarnished by manipulation or fear. It is unassailable. We need to remember this.
The journey of global awakening is a long and winding one. This is not a time to go back to sleep!
Compassion asks us to recognize that each soul we meet along the way, is awakening at their own pace and level. Courage is needed to stay the course. Likewise, we need a sense of humor. We have to discern when to speak up and when to keep our advice for a more propitious time.
Besides birth and death, no outcome is assured in life. That can be a very good thing!
We have incredible creative ability and free will to use our awakened consciousness for good, so let’s not settle into smug complacency. None of us have arrived yet, no matter how awake and enlightened we may appear. Life is a journey and there is no point of arrival until we complete the course.
There is much we can do to enhance the process of staying awake.
We can recognize our individual limits and pace ourselves for the duration. Let’s take care of our physical vehicles and lean into the spiritual Life Force that sustains us.
And there’s more: Let’s take full responsibility for living from our inner truth and values. Let’s fine-tune our moral compass, so it can lead us toward truth. Let’s stay open to learning, changing and becoming more awake with each passing day. Let’s discard the old and embrace the call to evolve!
Each one of us is here to learn, grow and contribute to the process of life. We can choose to embrace the opportunities embedded in every challenge, instead of resisting the call to growth. I love the way Richard Moss puts it in his book The Black Butterfly: An Invitation to Radical Aliveness, ”The very forces that crush people can become profound radiance in an individual who no longer is resisting or attempting to modify life.”
By not reflexively resisting dissonant ideas and concepts, we can discover nuggets of gold everywhere. We can use our individual sovereignty to find clarity by processing external evidence through our innate wisdom and discernment. We can honor our individual truth without hating or trashing the truth of others, understanding that the higher the truth we abide by, the more unity we will experience with others.
There is no return to some romantic past. As Ken Wilber puts it in A Brief History Of Everything, our tendency to rewrite history as a romantic fairytale, is just a dream to pacify our fears of the unknown future.
Instead of looking for a place to return to, let’s focus our vision to create a bright future as our living legacy for future generations on this planet. Finding a new way forward requires courage, audacity and faith, yet we can do it.
You and I were born for this time. We have been preparing for it all along, and now the time is here. Gather yourself! Let go of what no longer serves and harness your courage! Opportunity is calling. This could be a very good time for all of us!
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Nov 18, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Nadir Syzygy, Unsplash
Life as we knew it, is going through some enormous shifts at every level. This can be uncomfortable, even scary, especially when we focus our attention on external matters.
Fortunately, the external world is the world of effects; all true change happens from the non-physical Field of energy. As awakened beings, we have the ability to direct our focus to this unified, benevolent Force Field and to let our alignment serve as a conduit for the flow of Life Force to create optimal outcomes in the world around us.
This is our privilege and our mandate. Living as awakened beings asks us to recognize that we are the culture carriers of an emerging new world, no matter how unimportant we may seem in the larger scheme of things.
The currency of this emerging new world is not money, but consciousness. It is the level of consciousness we embody, that will enable us to create optimal outcomes for ourselves, our loved ones and the future. The higher our embodied level of consciousness, the higher the outcomes we can create.
Each moment of each day, we contribute to the field of consciousness, from where possibilities and probabilities can emerge when critical mass is reached.
We can contribute to the creation of optimal realities only to the extent we embody awakened consciousness. None of us can create outcomes at levels higher than our embodied consciousness.
That means we need to discipline our thoughts, for our thoughts direct the energy flow. All creative activity starts with this inner work because as within, so without. We cannot create outside of ourselves that which we are not in alignment with.
It reminds me of a talk the Dalai Lama gave about world peace, and someone questioned how we could ever accomplish world peace with so much conflict around us. The Dalai Lama’s response was: “Today, you can have peace in the world if you commit to become the peace you seek in the world. If each one of you reaches out with forgiveness and compassion to the one person you react to the most; the one person you most judge, hate or despise, you will have laid a stone on the path of world peace.“
Peace starts with each one of us. And if we wish to build a more peaceful world, we need to learn how to control our reactivity.
Everyone experiences different triggers: for some it is the news, for others politics, or the fear of what could happen, or the demands of others, or frustration over external setbacks or events. You may simply be aware of having a hair-trigger anger or impatience, which represents your individual reactivity to triggers.
Once you recognize the triggers that get to you, you can learn to use them as opportunities for awakening more fully and disciplining your mind.
Your state of consciousness is your most valuable asset in awakening. By becoming conscious of your specific reactivity triggers, you can use those triggers to awaken more fully instead of feeding the ego with reactivity. You can use every triggering situation as part of your spiritual practice to move deeper into Truth.
Most of us don’t like conflict. We seek harmony and when there are too many conflicting triggers around, we ‘lose’ it. Yet dissonance is an integral part of life; the key to inner peace lies not in trying to avoid triggers, but in learning to use them as a way to become more conscious, more awake and more aware.
Every trigger in your life – annoying people, political infighting, COVID constraints, and even the nagging of your children or the traffic noises, offer you lessons in disguise. Instead of feeding the ego with reactivity, you can take advantage of each trigger as an opportunity for growth.
External situations teach us to focus on the one thing that matters: inner peace. Amid outer clamor and drama, we can move our awareness past the ego’s resistance and reactivity to focus on the deep inner peace at the center of everything. This is our primary work as awakened beings; when we no longer feed ego reactivity, we become instruments for peace on earth.
We transform our own reactivity with conscious awareness, awakened choice and disciplined repetition.
As soon as you recognize a trigger arising, you are already in the driver seat. You remember that you have a choice. You can choose to react or you can shift your focus to the observer within, where Eternal peace prevails.
When you recognize anger or frustration arising within, choose to focus not on resisting the present moment or reacting to it. Instead, consciously move your awareness within to find the presence of Eternal Peace beneath the surface there.
If you ‘lose it’ emotionally and lash out or react, it simply means that you momentarily lost conscious awareness and became unconscious.
When you first set about working on reactivity, you may lose it and only recognize that you had become reactive after it happens. Disciplined awareness will help you to stay conscious in the midst of triggers, and you will increasingly maintain awareness that you can choose how to respond.
Do not be discouraged when you lose it and become unconscious; some of our unconscious behaviors have been ingrained for lifetimes. This is why it is so difficult for societies to acknowledge their shadow and to work with it.
By noticing how we have turned away from truth and become unconscious, we may experience guilt, shame or fear, which simply adds another of layer of reactivity to the mix. And when we project that emotion outward because it is too uncomfortable to face, we not only feed the ego instead of the soul; we feed divisiveness and become a part of the problem.
Staying conscious requires you to have compassion for yourself. Recognize that when you choose to become spiritually unconscious, you are feeding the ego with reactivity and harming yourself. Compassion allows you to simply acknowledge when you fall short, and resolve to remain fully conscious the next time around.
Self-discipline brings incremental empowerment. The next time a trigger arises, you may notice that you remained aware for a longer time before losing it. By recognizing that you lost it, you are increasing your awareness. Each time you are triggered, your growing awareness empowers you to stay alert so you do go unconscious and feed the ego with reactivity.
Cultivating conscious awareness is the key to moving through the gamut of daily triggers without losing your peace or feeding the ego. Stabilize your consciousness in your inner observer awareness; it will remind you that every trigger offers you a choice. By choosing to align with Higher awareness within, you will gradually detach from the tyranny of the ego and remain at peace.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Oct 23, 2020 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Resilience
Photo credit: Daniel Sessler, Unsplash
When we droop with fatigue, overwhelmed by the relentless pace of change, yet yearning for a better life, it is helpful to turn back to basics – hopefully a little wiser. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the heads up on a few things we may encounter along the way?
I sure could have used a few pointers along the way to smooth out the kinks! However, a huge range of life experience taught me some valuable lessons, and I am happy to share them. Here are eight insights from my personal playbook on surviving in this world of marvel and change. May it encourage, embolden and inspire you!
- You will pass from this life leaving an unfinished To Do list behind.
Shocking, isn’t it – and that despite your very best efforts every day! Today more than ever, there’s no reason to assume any fit between demands on your time – all the things you like to do or feel you ought to do – and the amount of time available. Thanks to capitalism, technology and human ambition, these demands keep increasing, while your capacities remain largely fixed. It follows that the attempt to clean up your To Do list is doomed.
The upside is that you need not berate yourself for failing to do it all, since doing it all is structurally impossible. The only viable solution is to make a shift: from a stressed-out rat race trying not to neglect anything, to a life intentionally lived and consciously choosing what to neglect in favor of what matters most.
- When stumped by a life choice, choose enlargement over happiness.
Jungian therapist James Hollis said that major personal decisions should be made not by asking, “Will this make me happy?” but “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?” We’re usually terrible at predicting what will make us happy: the issue quickly gets bogged down in our narrow preferences for security and control. Yet choosing enlargement elicits a deeper, intuitive response. You tend to know when leaving or staying in a relationship or a job, even though it might bring short-term security, would mean cheating yourself of growth.
- The capacity to tolerate minor discomfort is a superpower.
It’s shocking to realize how readily we set aside even our greatest ambitions in life, merely to avoid any level of unpleasantness. You already know it won’t kill you to endure the mild agitation of getting back to work on an important project, initiating a difficult conversation with someone, asking somebody out, committing to a workout routine, or checking your bank balance – yet you can waste years in avoidance! This is exactly why social media platforms flourish: they provide an instant, compelling distraction from reality where we can escape to at the first hint of unease.
Instead, you can truly empower yourself by gradually increasing your capacity for discomfort, similar to doing weight training. When you expect an action to bring up feelings of irritability, anxiety or boredom, you can stick to your commitment; let the feelings arise and fade while doing the right action anyway. Once you experience the rewards of tolerating discomfort, it will reinforce this path of walking straight ahead as a more appealing way to live.
- The advice you don’t want to hear is usually the advice you need.
I spent years fixating on becoming hyper-productive before I finally started wondering why I was staking so much of my self-worth on my productivity levels. What I needed wasn’t another personal goal, but asking more uncomfortable questions instead.
Yes, it isn’t fun to confront whatever emotional experiences you’re avoiding – if it were fun, you wouldn’t avoid them – so any advice that could really help is likely to make you uncomfortable, too. And that is okay! If you can muster up the courage to go where you really don’t want to, you may just break through to a deeper level of personal truth.
Be especially wary of celebrities offering advice in public forums: many of them pursue fame to fill an inner void, which tends not to work – so they are likely to be more troubled than you are and by the time you buy their snake oil, they’d have already moved on to the next gig.
Here is a bit of reverse psychology that does work: ask yourself what kind of practices strike you as intolerably cheesy or self-indulgent. Is it a gratitude journal, mindfulness meditation, or seeing a therapist? If you feel resistance rising, it might well mean that the very issue your ego is resisting, is the one worth pursuing.
- The future will never provide the reassurance you seek from it.
As the ancient Greek and Roman Stoics understood, much of our suffering arises from attempting to control what is not in our control. And the main thing we try but fail to control is the future. We want to know, from our vantage point in the present, that things will be OK later on. Yet we never can!
It’s wrong to say we live in especially uncertain times. The future is always uncertain; we’re simply very aware of it in current times.
No amount of fretting will ever alter this truth. Accept that certainty and it will set you free.
While we live in uncertain times, it is still useful to make plans. Make your plans with the awareness that a plan is only ever a present-moment statement of intent, not a lasso thrown around the future to bring it under control. The spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti said his secret for peace was simple: “I don’t mind what happens.” That does absolve you from trying to make life better for yourself or others. It just means not living each day anxiously braced to see if things work out as you hoped.
- The solution to imposter syndrome is to see that you are one.
In the current era of incompetent leadership, it is not possible to ignore corrupt governments and egocentric self-indulgence amid global threats of destruction to the point of extinction. Yet the way forward lies neither in complaining nor in passively accepting that we are all doomed.
I believe the answer lies in recognizing that you – unconfident, self-conscious, insecure, and all-too-aware-of-your-flaws – you potentially have as much to contribute to your field and to the world as anyone else.
Humanity is divided into two: on the one hand, those who are improvising their way through life, patching solutions together and putting out fires as they go, but deluding themselves by arguing for their limitations; and on the other, those doing exactly the same, except that they know it. It’s infinitely better to apply yourself and accept your failures and successes both as intrinsic parts of life.
Remember, the reason you can’t hear other people’s inner monologues of self-doubt is not because they don’t have them. It’s simply because you only have access to your own mind!
- Selflessness is overrated.
We respectable types, and women especially, are raised to think a life well spent means helping others – and plenty of self-help gurus stand ready to affirm for a price that generosity and sacrifice are the way to happiness. There’s truth here, but it generally gets tangled up with exploitation of deep-seated issues of guilt and self-esteem.
If you think you should be doing more, that’s probably a sign that you should direct more energy toward your true passions and ambitions. As Buddhist teacher Susan Piver said, it feels radical to ask how we’d enjoy spending an hour or day of discretionary time – yet the irony is that you don’t actually benefit anyone else by suppressing your true passions anyway. Instead of being disciplined about hating on yourself to get things done, try being disciplined about remaining close to what brings you joy. It takes a lot of courage, actually.
- Know when to move on.
And then, finally, there’s knowing when something that meant a great deal to you has reached its natural endpoint. All things in life come to an end, both the good and the bad. Your most empowering response is not to bewail the ending or unfairness of it all, or to hang on for dear life until your claw marks scar the very thing you loved most as life pulls it away from you. Your most creative choice in the face of endings, is to let go and to turn to what is next. The rest of life awaits, both for you and for me!
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©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
