by Ada Porat | Sep 30, 2014 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Fear and anxiety, Gratitude, Life transitions, Mindfulness
Is it just me, or does life seem to be happening at a faster clip these days? At times, if feels as if we live our lives like passengers on a runaway train, distracting ourselves with small details while the outer landscape whizzes by at dizzying speed.
The frenetic pace of life is one reason why meditation – stilling the mind – is so necessary to ensure a less nauseating ride. It sometimes feels as if we’re witnessing a collision between the world we wish to live in, and the world that actually surrounds us. We may find ourselves stuck at critical junctions, faced with major decision points that we are not prepared for.
We may not even know what questions to ask when things go wrong, let alone how to navigate past the challenges.
How do we navigate thru all of it? Where is the delicate balance between setting intention, holding on to the dream, and surrendering attachment to the outcome? One thing is certain: holding on too tightly can make for a bumpy ride!
We may do all the necessary groundwork to prepare for a successful journey, and it may still not be enough. We may even feel all calm and confident, interpreting the signs along the way as confirmation of being guided by a Divine Hand until BAM! Something completely unexpected, inconvenient and even painful happens! How do we deal with this?
Let me give you an example. I’ve been involved in a minor building project (also known as a brilliantly disguised life lesson) that has escalated and morphed into a major undertaking for the past five months. The experience has stretched me far beyond my comfort level in many areas.
And I’m not talking about the minor inconvenience of noise and dust here… I’ve had a crash course in being a general contractor on a building project without any prior experience and dealing with the daily headaches of back-ordered materials, wrong deliveries, construction setbacks, inclement weather and work schedules, all while trying my level best to juggle these demands with the intense requirements of counseling and coaching in two locations.
Last weekend, the end of the project finally emerged within view – after three weeks of waiting in limbo, the manufacturer shipped the roofing material. I could almost taste the final stretch – and to celebrate completion of the project, I made plans. Yes, I’d worked intensely hard for months and finally, I was going to play for a whole weekend… I was going to sleep, rest, relax, catch up with some friends, read, sit on the deck and watch the sun set. I was so ready for a break!
Until life intervened.
Of course, in all my planning, I forgot about the Yiddish proverb that says: “Der mentsh tracht und Gott lacht” – indeed, humans plan and God laughs.
The roofing materials were delayed by another week. And then Hurricane Odile hit.
Now, I am very blessed that the eye of the hurricane did not pass over my home and destroy it; the weather system simply dumped buckets of rain across Arizona as it moved northeast. Once the rains started, it kept coming down in torrents. Parts of the state flooded as record-breaking rains pelted down, and flash flood warnings were issued statewide.
I listened to the rain pelting down on the unfinished roof, soaking through the temporary particle board and dripping onto the floors… the leaks turning into trickles of water that became steady rivulets… and still it kept on raining. There was nothing I could do but watch. The pouring rains steadily washed away my best plans for a well-deserved weekend of rest, replacing them with assessment for recovery and damage control.
I took some deep breaths… From experience, I knew that the question we tend to ask first is typically the wrong one: “Why? Why me? Why this? Why now?”
There is a better question to ask and I knew it, too. “How could this be useful? How could I best learn and grow from this?”
The answer lay in surrendering to what is, not resisting it. The roof was leaking, the rains were here to stay for days and there was nothing I could do about it, except surrender to what is. I could choose to resist and experience more struggle, or I could surrender to what is and trust in Unseen Hands lovingly watching over me… even in this situation.
As soon as I released the urge to struggle, I felt myself relaxing. In the midst of the chaotic, messy, half-finished project around me, I felt a sense of peace breaking through to replace the denser emotions of worry, fear, anxiety, frustration, and overwhelm. Even though I was faced with the inconvenient truth that the situation was not going to miraculously change, I felt calm and at peace. There was no need to struggle against anything; there was simply the awareness of what is.
Sometimes, life slaps us sideways despite our most sincere efforts at doing our part. As much as we’d like to believe we are in control, we are not omnipotent and circumstances have a way of showing us that. The unexpected happens, life interrupts our flow, and our best laid plans go wrong!
At times like these, it is important to remember that we still have a choice. We can choose to struggle or to surrender; we can choose to focus on what went wrong or we can celebrate what is going right. We don’t need to figure out the why; we simply need to master the how.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Aug 28, 2014 | Body Mind Spirit, Change bad habits, Conscious living, Decision-making, Healthy boundaries, Mindfulness
Ever wish that you could simplify your life by tuning down the daily stress to find more balance? If so, you’re not alone.
Stress is a destructive by-product of modern life that can wreak havoc at many levels. It can corrode your health, your work performance, your relationships and your well-being until you break down at your weakest link.
Add to that the bad habit of juggling too many commitments while being bombarded by a steady stream of social media, email, advertising and other forms of energetic spam, and it can turn downright nasty. Simply too much information!
No wonder that large numbers of people are joining the voluntary simplicity movement, recognizing how simple living can help alleviate tension-related symptoms such as insomnia, nervousness, anxiety, neck and shoulder spasms and even chronic fatigue.
Now, I’m not advocating that you quit your day job to go live on Walden Pond, but there are ways that you can simplify your life and reduce stress.
If you want to reduce stress in your life, you absolutely need to limit the amount of information you expose yourself to. Being swamped by stimuli does not improve quality of life; it simply causes more stress.
We can all use more simplicity in our lives. From decluttering our closets to weeding out the vampires and energy drains in our lives, an effective approach requires that we address these forms of clutter at all levels: body, mind and spirit.
Here are a few ideas that can help you simplify your life so you’ll have more time to smell the roses:
- Set the appropriate tone for your day. Create a morning routine that influences the rest of your day in a positive manner. Enjoy your morning cuppa outside in nature, start your day with meditation, or do some devotional reading. You will reap the results of peace and calm throughout your day.
- Decide what is most important to you. When you are clear on the important things in your life, it becomes easier to say no to the random demands that may be well-intentioned, but conflict with what’s truly important. Prioritize by acting on the most important things first each day before you assign remaining time and energy to other demands.
- Learn to say no without guilt. Over-extending yourself complicates your life. Learn to say ‘no’ when you are unable to accommodate demands with a happy heart, and you will find it easier to say ‘yes’ when you are able to. It is important to realize that saying no to some things allows you to say yes to other, more important things.
- Create white space. Instead of stuffing your schedule with activities, leave some space for the unexpected. The extra time will allow you meet your commitments without feeling rushed or overwhelmed. Likewise, resist clutter by leaving some empty space in your physical home or office – it will create a sense of simplicity and you’ll have less cleaning to do!
- Take a media break. By restricting the constant stream of negativity, opinionating and propaganda on mainstream media, you can create space for your own thoughts. Silence is a gift. Learn to embrace pockets of silence in your day and you will find it easier to stay in the present instead of worrying about the future.
- Stop multi-tasking. Have you ever felt ignored by someone who keeps interrupting your conversation to check incoming texts and answer calls? People who do this most likely operate from a place of FOMO – fear of missing out. In reality, their need to be included everywhere all the time creates excessive anxiety. It is also disrespectful of others. When you are with someone, the biggest gift that you can give them is to be fully present with them. There will be enough time afterwards to catch up with other interests.
- Do more with less. Learn how to love and appreciate what you have instead of wanting more. When you express gratitude for the things you have, you signal to the Universe to bring you more of it. Start by expressing gratitude for your eyesight, hearing, and the ability to breathe. Instead of wanting a perfect body, appreciate the beating of your heart. Learn how to turn your circumstances into blessings by looking for what is good and positive about them.
- Evict the vampires in your life! Life is truly too short and too precious to waste time on toxic relationships and frenemies. Always remember that you have the power to remove yourself from negative and abusive people – they will usually not lead the way because of the attention they get from you. You don’t need to demonize another to let go of the relationship; you simply need to recognize when it is no longer a two-way street. Give thanks for what they have taught you, hand them back to the Universe with gratitude, and open your heart to the next person who can share your journey.
- Automate What You Can. When you put some of life’s routine duties on autopilot, you relieve stress in two ways: You save time by not having to do the task and you don’t clutter your mind to remember the task. Start with automating your irrigation system, programming your home thermostat, signing up for automatic bill pay options, or scheduling maintenance services out a few months at a time.
- Do a daily review. At the end of each day, spend a few minutes to review your day. What did you do well? Celebrate your success with gratitude. Did you fail at something? Look at why it did not succeed and what you could do differently the next time, so you don’t have to repeat the mistake. Did some tasks remain undone or new ones arise? Write them down to free your mind so you can have a good night’s rest.
- Take care of your body. A healthy body is much better able to handle stress, while illness can cause great amounts of additional stress. If you want to enjoy quality of life in a stressful world, you cannot afford to neglect your body. At the very times you feel that you simply don’t have enough time to eat a healthy diet, exercise or get enough sleep, it is important to recognize that you need those things the most!
- Renew your spirit. Stressful thoughts and emotions imprint on the cells in a matter of seconds. Just as you need to cleanse your body of accumulated dirt and grime each day, it is important to cleanse your soul as well. You can do that by taking up a meditation practice, engaging in prayer, spiritual learning or personal growth work.
Remember, you are an eternal soul inhabiting a physical body in space and time. Everything that is truly meaningful in life begins and ends with Spirit. The more you shift your perspective from the mundane issues of duality-based reality, to living from the timeless perspective of the soul as observer/witness, the more peace you will experience. It will free you from the superficial urgencies of daily life and help poise you in a place of peace, which is the essence of simplifying your life.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jul 25, 2014 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Life transitions
No matter how complex the world we live in, we have the power to bring about change – starting with ourselves. At this very moment, you can take definitive action to change your life for better!
Are you stuck in a dead-end job? You can change that! Perhaps you feel trapped in a relationship dynamic where you rescue everyone in your life. You can change that, too!
Navigating change does not have to be difficult. It merely requires the willingness to let go of what no longer serves you and to embrace the possibilities that beckon.
What is the payoff?
The first step is to ask yourself what payoff you are getting from your current situation. Why are you staying in that dead-end job? Perhaps you’ve chosen to trade your creative freedom or true potential for a sense of security. If that earlier choice is no longer true for you, you can choose again. Perhaps being the rescuer in your relationships used to make you feel needed and important, but lately has been stifling. If earlier choices no longer serve you, it is time to make a change!
What is holding you back?
Next, ask yourself what is holding you back from making the change you know you need. What are you afraid of? Do you feel intimidated by the unknown territory outside your familiar environment, or are you afraid of failure?
Fear is a dream killer! If you want to live a fulfilling, juicy life, you cannot afford to let fear squat in the corners of your mind. You need to recognize fear for the measly illusion it is – False Evidence Appearing Real – and evict it from your life!
Are you willing to let go?
Recognize that in order to have something different – experiences, outcomes and benefits – you need to create space for it first. If you want to change your life, you need to let go of old, outdated dreams and expectations. You may need to let go of the fantasy that you could settle for a job that keeps you just over broke, yet deadens your creativity. Perhaps you need to let go of those draining relationships in your life that only take and never give anything back in return.
When we are stuck in our habitual biases and ways of seeing things, there’s little wiggle room to notice other possibilities. To bring about meaningful change in your life, you may also have to let go of the need to understand or map out everything before you act. The excessive need for certainty usually comes from fear. Let go of the need to control everything, trust in the Unseen Hands that lovingly guide you, and you will make space for new possibilities to emerge.
Stay the course
Finally, it is helpful to remember that changing your life is an organic process. It takes time, it can be messy and you may at times doubt that you’ll make it through to the other end. The more you release your need to control the process, the more awareness you will have the Field of potentiality surrounding you. Once you get out of the way, this Field of potentiality will be free to form and create the very outcomes you desire.
Resistance leads to crisis
Our tendency is to resist the need to change until it storms into our lives as a full-blown crisis. Crisis is not polite; it doesn’t ask for permission or schedule its arrival; it just shows up! Crisis demands change. When it shows up in your life, it demands that you leave behind the safety of the known for uncharted territory. It may completely disregard your terms and wishes.
Whether you are facing change or a full-blown crisis, why not try something new instead of resisting? Let go of the qualifiers and expectations you’ve placed on life to give you a sense of security. Your attachment intensifies your pain! Letting go of preconditions frees you up to embrace the process of change.
Crisis is merely unexpected change at an unexpected level and unexpected time. And change can be transformative, depending on whether you embrace or resist it. Give yourself permission to flow with the process of change in your life, and you will experience its transformative power.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jun 27, 2014 | Body Mind Spirit, Change bad habits, Conscious living, Healthy boundaries, Life coaching
Compassion is essential to human well-being and should be practiced by all of us. To do so, we need to discern between healthy compassion and its cheap imitations: pity and blind compassion.
The cheap counterfeits to true compassion operate on avoidance. Pity seeks to avoid involvement and confrontation by placating from a distance. Blind compassion avoids tough love and defending healthy boundaries. It cuts everyone far too much slack, making excuses for others’ behavior and acting nice in situations that require a clear voice of dissent and personal boundaries.
We often turn a blind eye to the actual issues confronting us and resort instead to the wishy-washy approach of blind compassion which keeps love too meek and kind. Why do we do this?
Most of the time, we practice mealy-mouthed, blind compassion because we mistakenly think compassion should be meek. We are also afraid of upsetting anyone, and we wish to avoid confrontation. Ugh! By compromising on our truth, we turn into resonance junkies who are afraid to say “no” and try to please everyone around us instead.
There is a price to pay for this compromise. When we’re afraid to say “no” with any real authority, our “yes” also becomes anemic and powerless. And by muting our truth, this wishy-washy attitude reflects a lack of compassion and respect for ourselves.
Blind compassion also causes conflicted emotions in us: it confuses anger with aggression, forcefulness with violence, judgment with condemnation, caring with exaggerated tolerance, and moral maturity with spiritual correctness. It ultimately frames us as powerless victims because it silences our inner truth while tolerating and empowering the neurotic, boundary-bashing behavior of others.
In order for us to take our power back and live from a place of true compassion, we need to first return to being honest with ourselves. We need to acknowledge the pain, fear or threat that is triggered in us by others. By honestly allowing ourselves to feel the full emotional impact of what we have experienced, we are able to neutralize and forgive it.
Authentic forgiveness becomes possible only when we give ourselves permission to feel our hurt and meet it with true compassion. It also requires our willingness to experience some interim relationship conflict as we interrupt the dysfunction that has caused the pain.
When we act from this place of self-honesty and forgiveness, we access the power of true compassion. That true compassion empowers us to take appropriate action when necessary. It can be fierce when it needs to interrupt neurotic behavior, without any loss of caring in the process.
True compassion is a powerful form of tough love which ultimately leads to respect and clarity in relationship with ourselves and others.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | May 20, 2014 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Decision-making, Depression, Fear and anxiety, Life coaching, Mindfulness, Spirituality
Emotions are incredibly powerful. In fact, they color everything in life. But an emotion cannot exist without a thought to drive it and give it life. What’s more, emotions can’t be changed simply because you decide they ought to.
Even if you pride yourself on being highly rational, you probably suspect that your emotions are the strongest force in your existence. You may have trouble figuring out how to change the way you feel, even when you don’t like where it takes you.
Put simply, energy flows where attention goes. And it is in the mind that the battle plays out, because your thoughts and your focus of attention direct the flow of energy – and it is in the mind that they can be changed.
As you change your thoughts, you will notice that your mood, feelings and emotions will follow. In due course, your actions and behaviors will fall into line with your thoughts as well.
Understanding this principle is essential if you want to change your attitude.
Your thoughts don’t travel in one direction only. We take in thoughts; yet we also send them out and project them onto the world outside ourselves. Put differently, whatever we enact in the outside world has its origins in the inside world of our minds – and it is not always lovely!
Once we recognize this, we come close to a real understanding of what self-responsibility is. You and I are collectively responsible for the world outside ourselves. Everything in this world – the good, the bad, and everything in between – begins with thought.
The spiritual description of this process takes it a step further, reminding us that we are actually creating the world outside ourselves through the power of our thinking. War, violence and injustice, as well as goodness, kindness and mercy, are all states of mind originated and sustained by our thoughts. No wonder the Course in Miracles calls the original thought of separation the “tiny, mad idea!”
It is through our thinking and the actions that flow from there that we add to our collective well-being – or not.
The Brahma Kumaris teachers of Peace Of Mind meditation teach the same concept with their statement that “Peace is just a thought away.”
Just imagine how exquisite our world and our lives would be if we consistently let ourselves believe and experience that. We would be able to create peace, have peace and offer peace to one another!
This meaningful change starts with taking charge of our thoughts and harnessing what is known in Buddhism as the monkey mind. Here are five simple steps to change the way you feel:
1. Change your thinking – and you will also change the way you feel.
2. Challenge beliefs that hold you back or harm you – and you will change the way you feel.
3. Notice when you fall into dreary or pessimistic thinking and take positive action instead – and you will change the way you feel.
4. Limit the attention you give to what is going wrong or what is disappointing or hurtful in your life – and you will change the way you feel.
5. Increase the attention you give to what is positive, uplifting, hopeful and supportive – and you will radically change the way you feel.
This all seems so obvious! It begs the question of why we don’t automatically weed out the thoughts that hurt us and cultivate supportive thoughts instead. Why don’t we act decisively, knowing that our feelings will change as we do so?
I believe that we most often allow the monkey mind to run wild simply because we don’t realize that our thoughts drive our behaviors. Nor do we realize that we can do something about those thoughts; that we can direct them instead of being overwhelmed by them.
You and I know better now! We can change our thoughts at any time by using these five simple skills to challenge, change, notice, and limit negative thoughts so we can increase our focus on what is positive. In so doing, our emotional well-being will thrive.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Apr 22, 2014 | Abundance, Conscious living, Gratitude, Life coaching, Spirituality
Everyone in the world wants to be happy; and yet everyone suffers in some way. People the world over eagerly search for happiness as if it were a highly treasured secret.
The search for happiness has led many to explore religion, because all wisdom traditions teach that virtue is a precondition of happiness. Virtue may be defined differently by various traditions, yet the search for it invariably calls the seeker to personal introspection and self-honesty.
Times of social upheaval often serve as a catalyst to ignite this individual search for meaning and happiness. It is when the known certainties of our lives crumble, that we start looking for deeper answers. We may embark on this journey to find meaning in the death of a loved one, mourn the loss of a job or relationship, or survive the turmoil of financial instability.
Seekers often believe that the source of meaning and happiness lie outside themselves. They may seek for it in words, books or teachings from those who have been anointed by modern society as the guardians of spiritual truth.
Buddhism takes a contrasting view: it teaches that true knowledge and meaning cannot be found in any outside power or agency. Instead, it is found in the deep knowledge of truth that resides within each of us, even when we try to hide from ourselves.
Why would we want to hide from our inner truth, you may ask? Because we do not want to see our flaws, faults, weaknesses, and excesses. We fear that they’d make us feel too vulnerable and guilty. We are ashamed to admit to ourselves that some of the things we want are forbidden, illegal, unethical, or fattening.
We also hide from inner truth because we are afraid to face our fears. Although we may appear to be self-confident, we are all vulnerable to failure, defeat, humiliation, loss, pain, and death. We fear these things and so we repress those fears. And so we struggle to repress the truths within that we are not able to face, until it seeps through our defenses to haunt us in nightmares, anxieties and everyday worries.
This unwillingness to see things as they are, is the primary obstacle to happiness. It is the chief cause of our self-inflicted suffering; a form of self-denial that the Buddha called ignorance.
If ignorance is the underlying cause of our self-inflicted suffering, then awareness is the remedy. The keys to the kingdom of happiness lie in becoming self-aware. True self-awareness enables us to change the things we can, to accept the things we cannot change, and to know the difference.
Self-awareness can be cultivated through meditation, introspection and reflection. It requires us to witness our inner state of being without reacting to it. The very act of honest self-observation gives us the necessary insight to change our habitual patterns of thought and action.
When we embark on the journey within, we learn to access the truth that offers true happiness. As we come to understand our own resistance to truth, we learn how to transform it. We learn how to change our habits of negative thinking, repressed emotions, and fear-based action into courageous openness, honest awareness, and joyous equanimity. We learn to accept and relax into existence as it is, rather than to anxiously reject and fight it.
We begin to see how we, ourselves, are the primary cause of our own sorrow. And we come to understand that we can also choose to be the cause of our own release and happiness. We learn to find harmony between our inner being and our outer environment, so that peace and happiness flow.
This process of diligent and honest introspection has the potential to radically change our lives from within and restore a true sense of happiness.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
