by Ada Porat | Nov 14, 2016 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Environment, Mindfulness, Peace
For eons, people have been struggling with the concept of time. It permeates our language and influences our outlook on life. After all, time is money, time is of the essence and time flies, right!
And so, we struggle for control over time: we measure time, stretch time, lose time, kill time, and still never have enough time! It’s not surprising we feel this way. The pace of life today is far more frenetic than it was even just a generation ago.
In the struggle to control time, we’ve grown so out of touch with the natural world that it doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s day or night, hot or cold, summer or winter. We control the climate at home, in the car and at the office. We create artificial environments to extend our days. We eat food with little regard for its season or source.
These artificial life choices further separate us from the rhythms and cycles of nature, desensitizing us to nature’s seasonal indicators of passing time. When we stare into the cold screens of our electronic gadgets, we disconnect from the natural world around us and forget our origins.
In the words of author Michael McCarthy, “We need constant reminding that we have only been operators of computers for a single generation… but we were farmers for 500 generations, and before that hunter-gatherers for perhaps 50,000 or more, living with the natural world as part of it as we evolved.”
If we want inner peace, we need to learn how to coexist peacefully with the inevitable march of time instead of trying to control it. We need to synchronize with time at all levels. The sixteenth-century Chinese poet Liu Wenmin put it this way:
“To be able to be unhurried when hurried;
To be able not to slack off when relaxed;
To be able not to be frightened
And at a loss for what to do,
When frightened and at a loss;
This is the learning that returns us
To our natural state and transforms our lives.”
Time moves on whether we are hurtling through life or savoring it. We can – indeed we must – learn to remain still and calm amid the torrent of commitments, not allowing our overscheduled lives to rob us of the time we need to recalibrate and connect to the natural world, ourselves, and each other.
The simple act of spending time in nature is one such solution that has many healing properties. In Japan, this healing process is known as “shinrin-yoku” or forest bathing. Scientific studies confirm that spending time in nature can lead to decreased stress hormone production, lower heart rate and blood pressure, elevate mood and strengthen the immune system.
If you’ve ever had the opportunity to return to the same place season after season, you’d recall the private pleasure of reconnecting to a special place each time you returned: becoming aware of the height of the tide, the direction of the wind, the time of sunrise and sunset, and the phase of the moon. Having a place in nature to return to allows us to reconnect where we’d left off, much like picking up an old friendship.
Sometimes we encounter the power and beauty of the natural world in one startling moment: observing the grandeur of a rainbow after a storm, or seeing the beauty of some tiny creature up close. These are magical moments when all sense of time stops and we’re caught up in the wonder of the present moment.
To connect to nature is to reconnect to our own origins. Stepping out of our man-made schedules and obligations – even if just for a few moments – to look at the clouds, smell the air, feel the breeze on our skin, helps us reconnect to the eternal nature of creation and find peace.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Aug 11, 2016 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Decision-making, Fear and anxiety
Worry happens to all of us, but there’s a kind of worry that not threatens your success; it is downright dangerous to your health. This is chronic worry, and it makes you ruminate endlessly about anything that might go wrong.
Chronic worry about life’s events won’t change them; it will impair you. It is a tragic misuse of your imagination to worry about awful things that might happen in your future. This insidious form of chronic worry is like a virus of the mind that breeds negativity and powerlessness.
Spiritual teachers label worry a sign of ego, and for good cause: when we worry, we erroneously take responsibility for all the things we worry about. Worriers falsely think they are responsible for it all.
How futile! None of us can worry ourselves well, or worry our way to fat bank accounts, or worry away the problems of the world.
The beloved humorist Erma Bombeck used to say: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
You and I grew up despite the worries of our parents; we explored, failed, experimented and learned how to navigate life by doing, not by worrying. And the same holds true for our loved ones. When you worry about what will become of your child, your parent or your job, you are not helping anybody – least of all yourself. In fact, you are assuming a false sense of responsibility for the choices of another. You may even think that by worrying, you can change events.
The bottom line is this: you are not responsible for the choices of others. Worrying about these things is not an act of faith; it is an act of fear. Author Leo Buscaglia put it this way: “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Wouldn’t it be a whole lot more practical to focus on the things you CAN do today, instead of worrying about what tomorrow may bring?
The vast majority of things we worry about in life, never happen. Worry is simply the ego’s way of conjuring up worst case scenarios in a futile attempt to prepare for whatever might happen… or not!
Chronic worry will drain your energy, sap your strength and rob you of sleep. Over time, the impact of continuous worry presents as anxiety and a host of physical problems ranging from headaches and sleep disturbances to high blood pressure and mood disorders.
Indeed! If a problem can be solved, there is no need to worry about it. If the problem cannot be solved or it is not your task to solve it, what is the use of worrying about it?
Worrying is a learned response that leads to negativity. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, is a learned response that leads to positivity. And you can to meet life’s challenges with self-responsibility instead of chronic worry.
When facing an actual challenge, you’d do better by following a few clear guidelines before automatically starting to worry about it:
- Is this situation your personal responsibility? If not, let it go!
- If the situation is indeed your responsibility, what’s the worst thing that can happen? Accept the worst-case scenario as your baseline, and then start building a creative solution from there.
- Pay attention to what is needed now. Ask yourself how your wise Higher self would deal with the situation. What can you do about the situation right now? Take responsibility for your life and actions, and make a list of possible things you can do, including getting more facts or information.
- And now, take action in day-tight compartments, as motivational guru Dale Carnegie described present-moment awareness. Do what you can with what you know right now, even if it is only a small step, and let go of worry! Tomorrow may bring additional options and insights to act on, but worrying about it today will not change outcomes.
- Avoid rumination. When you ruminate on a problem, you are not creating solutions; you are feeding the problem instead. To break this negative cycle, you need to disrupt the rumination and reconnect to the present moment every time it happens.
- Remember that you can adapt, create, change and evolve as part of the problem-solving process. If your plan A doesn’t work, keep in mind that the alphabet has 25 more letters!
- And, finally, count your blessings, not your troubles. Remember that whatever you focus on, tends to expand. So focus on the blessings of your life; cultivate an attitude of gratitude for little things that brighten your day, and you will find yourself uplifted.
By consciously choosing how you respond to life’s challenges, you can unlearn the nasty habit of worry and act from your happy place instead.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Apr 28, 2016 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Fear and anxiety
When we look out at the world, we see situations everywhere that appear to be broken and need fixing. What would happen if we could befriend problems and life crises as opportunities for growth instead?
There is an active intersection between our own psychological/spiritual health and the actual landscape of our life. What happens in the collective does impact us as individuals; likewise, what we do as individuals has an impact on the collective.
The way we address crises and problems has a rippling effect for better or for worse into the larger world. It offers us opportunities for positive change and personal growth. Author Tom Atlee calls crisis “the dangerous breaking of glass that opens locked windows of opportunity that require perceptiveness and courage to move through with care.”
It has been said that evolution, like water behind a dam, knows where all the cracks are, and is working on them right now with increasing intensity.
Could it be that something new is trying to happen, seeking the transformation of the whole in life? Might our out-of-balance world be an opportunity for increased spiritual consciousness seeking to awaken the values of the heart – compassion, generosity, forgiveness, and a desire to live in harmony with others?
I propose that the only way forward through times of crisis, upheaval and difficulty is to befriend our problems as the messengers that they are: highlighting the empty, loveless or meaningless places in our life that thirst for something meaningful and real.
To anxiously hold to the way things were – wanting no disruption in our lives – is to avoid evolving because our individual status quo is really closely tied to the larger malaise on the planet.
I remember being surprised years ago when I read Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore. One of the chapters he titled “The Gift of Depression.” I had to think about that.
What if we learned to cope with adversity more effectively? Rather than failing to notice the opportunities that adversity offers, we could see the problem and the solution as two sides of the same coin. To get to the other side, we often are called to walk thru turbulence we would rather have avoided. But denial disempowers, whereas facing our problems empowers us to take meaningful action!
In fact, today’s heartache may well carry the seeds of tomorrow’s happiness. What would happen if the hatching chick decided that it is too much effort to peck through the shell that encases it?
Who would you be today if it weren’t for your struggles? Think back. Wasn’t there a jewel of awareness and growth offered in almost every tribulation?
It is the decisions you’ve made at each challenging point in your life that determined where you are today.
When we treat each obstacle on our path as a unique opportunity for growth, we start asking different questions. We stop asking “Why this?” Why me?” and “Why now?” Instead, we start asking how we can navigate through the challenge, what we need to learn or do, and we accept responsibility for our part in the unfolding journey of our lives.
We befriend obstacles as messengers for deepening our faith and we dig deep to discover hidden gifts and abilities we never knew we had. We start looking for what we can do with the resources we have right now – an empowering place from where we can learn, evolve and become the powerful beings we were created to be.
In fact, I believe that when we connect to the true potential within us, we also find there the ability to help restore love, hope and unity to the wider world around us.
We could, as Tom Atlee suggests, “use our differences and our challenges creatively, not simply as problems to avoid or solve, but as signs of new life pushing to emerge – and as invitations into a new, more whole tomorrow.”
Responding appropriately to this invitation is of the utmost importance in our changing world. The waves of change that sweep through all layers of life like a tsunami, carry seeds of opportunity.
By viewing problems as opportunities into a “not-yet-known” future, instead of fearing the unknown, we can move forward gracefully.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Mar 9, 2016 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Fear and anxiety, Mindfulness
Emotional pain can traumatize us long after the event that triggered it. The more traumatizing the event, the more we tend to revisit memories, thereby keeping the pain alive.
We do this not because we wish to suffer, but because we simply don’t realize the power of our thoughts. We don’t recognize that it is not the traumatic event, but our thinking about that event, that continues to perpetuate the pain.
The mind does not know the difference between actual events and thoughts about them. To the mind, thoughts are as real as the events they represent, and so we keep reliving the painful trauma of past events as long as we replay these thoughts in our minds.
Breaking free from this cycle requires that we recognize the process and choose different responses to it. As soon as we stop giving our life energy to memories that seem to be overpowering, those memories lose their illusion of power. In the very moment of choosing differently, we are also released from the ongoing emotional pain of suffering over what had happened to us in the past.
Negative memories do not have an individual, independent existence. When we falsely believe that what happened in the past still has power over us, we allow ourselves to revisit the tyranny of emotional pain triggered by those past memories. It really serves no purpose now!
Think about it for a moment: in order for the person who broke up with you to still be able to hurt you now, in this moment, they need to be breaking up with you now, at this very moment. In reality, the event has passed and is no longer taking place in your present reality – yet you continue to suffer because you are replaying the details of the event in your mind, allowing the memories to trigger emotional pain each time you think about it!
Nothing, absolutely nothing can have power over us unless we give it that power. When we truly understand this principle, we can begin to free ourselves from the emotional pain of negative memories.
Instead of seeing ourselves as victims of circumstances beyond our control, we can exercise our innate power to choose what we focus on. And whatever we choose to focus on, becomes our reality.
Our perception produces what we experience. This perception is made up of many different elements, all of which are based on our subjective interpretation of reality – not the objective reality. When we view events this way, we relate to life through these subjective filters of attachment, desire, lack or fear.
These subjective filters of perception form our viewpoint of any given experience and then flavor our interpretation with emotion. It is not the relationship breakup that causes our current pain, then, but the painful meaning we attached to that memory. Our perception labeled the event as “heart-breaking” or as our “one and only chance at love” or as a “vicious betrayal.”
In reality, the event itself was simply part of the ongoing unfolding of life – it was neither good nor bad. It’s our interpretation of the event that creates the joy or emotional pain we associate with it.
If our perception causes pain, then why don’t we just let events happen spontaneously without grabbing onto them and interpreting their ‘meaning’ from our particular viewpoint? Why do we choose to continue experiencing the emotional pain?
I believe we interpret events through the filters of our perception because we’ve become so used to drama and trauma, pain and suffering that we are not sure who we are without it. As strange as it may seem, we welcome the habitual demons of emotional pain because it makes us feel alive.
But this is not our true nature. It’s always the false self – the ego – that thrives on the drama of emotional pain. At the same time, you and I are not just egos; we are spiritual beings who live in human form with the ego as our constant companion.
We can free ourselves from the false suffering of ongoing emotional pain to embrace a higher way of life! The perception of pain as evidence of being alive does not come from the soul; it stems from the ego’s attempts to resist change and maintain the status quo at all costs. All these conditions that seemed so real and painful are the creation of faulty perception as directed by the ego!
It is our misguided belief that past events have the power to hurt us that makes them continue to appear hurtful and propagates the emotional pain. Once we choose to remove our focus from the events, the energy around the memories collapses and we can move on.
We can accelerate this process by bringing fresh logic to the situation. Everything that is created has both a beginning and an end; therefore, everything we experience over the course of life, eventually passes to make room for new events and experiences. And so, even the most painful events of our lives also pass with time. We can help this process along by becoming mindful of what we focus on and staying present in each moment.
Even if we’ve suffered for years because of the way our perception interpreted what happened to us, we no longer need to suffer this pain. Now that we understand how the process works, we no longer need to be a victim of our own misunderstanding. We can inwardly say to that suffering ego state,
“Ego, you are not the ruling power in my life – you only think you are. The knots in my life that have me all tied up have no power over me outside of my own perception. It is ego’s perception that led me to interpret these events as emotional pain, but now I choose to see things as they really are.”
Then we can turn our focus away from the ego’s habitual re-runs of past traumas. We can let go of the emotional pain. Instead, we can turn toward Truth within to reclaim our peace in this present moment.
When we release the past, we become free at last to embrace our birthright of peace in this present moment.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jan 27, 2016 | Conscious living, Gratitude, Mindfulness
One of the most common yearnings expressed by individuals in the West, is the desire for happiness. The founding fathers of the United States declared that the American people have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And pursue it we have!
Hollywood advocates that that we will find happiness when we are rich enough, find true love, or encounter some magical event. We are conditioned to look for happiness somewhere else: in the future, in someone else, or in some outside situation.
Question is: how well has it served us?
When we look at the sky-rocketing levels of addiction, breakup, depression and unhappiness that run rampant in this society despite it being one of the most affluent in the world, it is clear that chasing after happiness outside ourselves, does not work.
You see, happiness is not out there; it is an inside job. And that means that you and I have the power to be happy right now, right where we are. If we are unhappy, perhaps it is time to take a look at the nature of happiness so we can stop dreaming about it and take practical steps to become happier. Yes, happiness is not something we stumble upon; it is something we create, something we become.
Researchers have found that we do not need to always get what we want in order to be happy. We can be just as happy if we don’t get what we want, as we’d be if we do actually get what we want.
In fact, we can manufacture our own happiness – and if we desire happiness, it is essential that we learn how to do this.
Researchers distinguish between two kinds of happiness: natural and synthetic happiness. Researcher Dan Gilbert defines them this way: “Natural happiness is what we get when we get what we wanted, and synthetic happiness is what we make when we don’t get what we wanted.”
Natural or spontaneous happiness is what we experience when things are going our way and fortune smiles on us. This is the kind we are most familiar with, but it is also fleeting, unreliable and intermittent.
Synthesized or manufactured happiness is the kind of happiness we create when we change the way we look at things; the happiness we synthesize when we learn to make lemonade from the lemons in our lives, and it is every bit as real as spontaneous happiness.
In fact, when we fixate on finding spontaneous happiness, we miss the opportunity to manufacture happiness with what is already in our lives, and we become miserable!
A good example would be looking at how the two types of happiness interact in relationship. In dating, we look to find what we want; in marriage, we need to find a way to like what we’ve gotten!
New relationships are marked by spontaneous happiness; whereas the challenge of marriage is to learn how to synthesize happiness with the person and situation we have chosen. Chasing after the next fleeting experience of spontaneous happiness won’t last; it is the process of manufacturing happiness within the constraints of our situation that brings lasting fulfillment and joy. Ironically, this process of synthesizing happiness works best when we are totally stuck or trapped!
Synthetic happiness acts like our psychological immune system. It works to keep us happy. In his book, Stumbling upon Happiness, author Dan Gilbert describes it as a system of cognitive processes, largely non-conscious, that help us change our views of situations so we can feel better about the situations we find ourselves in.
Author Wayne Dyer put it another way when he said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.”
Our brains are notoriously bad at predicting our happiness. Experiments have repeatedly shown that we overestimate both anticipated pleasure and pain. Our prefrontal cortex simulates that getting something we want, is more important than it really is – it exaggerates the impact of events on our happiness, whether positive or negative.
For example, we overestimate that winning the lottery will increase our happiness or that losing the use of financial security or becoming a paraplegic will completely ruin us. In reality, individuals test at similar levels of happiness one year after winning lottery or becoming a paraplegic. In other words, both our desires and worries are overblown.
We can manufacture our own happiness from within – right now, with where we are and what we have. When we learn to synthesize happiness from within, the very events and outcomes we dread, can turn into new opportunities for happiness.
Studies further indicate that freedom and choice can negatively impact our happiness. When we have choices, we worry about opportunities lost. Think about that the next time you are in the grocery aisle trying to select a product!
Freedom is the enemy of synthetic happiness. While freedom can bring about spontaneous happiness when it offers what we want, it robs us of the opportunity to synthesize happiness. You see, we only learn to like what we have when we have no choice! It is when we are feeling stuck that we have the opportunity to create happiness from within by learning to appreciate what we do have.
Most of us tend to have a basic level of happiness that we revert to. Not everybody ascribes to the “bullying cheerfulness” of false happiness, as physician Andrew Weil describes the prevalent cult of happiness in America.
In his book, Spontaneous Happiness, Weil says that there is an inverse relationship between affluence and contentment: The more we have, the less contented we seem to be. In America, the cultural expectation that we’re to be happy all the time and our children should be happy all the time is toxic, and it gets in the way of true emotional well-being.
Mahatma Ghandi perhaps put it best when he said: “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
Genuine happiness comes from within, and is synthesized by a lifestyle that integrates personal values, gratitude, laughter and forgiveness. In the long run, these qualities allow us to synthesize happiness as an enduring form of contentment and serenity, independent of external circumstance.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Dec 21, 2015 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Life transitions, Self-awareness
Of all the things you can do to impact your future and create a meaningful life, I believe personal growth is the greatest. With personal growth, I refer to that process of improving one’s awareness and identity, developing one’s potential, and maturing emotionally, mentally and spiritually to fulfill one’s destiny. It is the primary catalyst that determines who you’ll become over the course of your life.
Have you ever had an experience where someone says something perfectly appropriate, yet their tone or body language express the very opposite of their words? The experience felt weird because you sensed a discrepancy between the person’s words and actions.
Personal growth brings to light such discrepancies in ourselves so that we can take appropriate action to become fully integrated beings.
Personal growth also paves the way to lasting joy and fulfillment. It cultivates an environment where decision-making becomes easier, because you eliminate discrepancies in your value system as soon as you become aware of them. It’s your key to living a truly meaningful life.
Here’s some more good news: This key to a meaningful life rests in your hands, because you are the catalyst. It does not depend on finding someone to love or support you; or on getting a tax break, or electing a different president, or winning the lottery, or even moving to another country. It rests with you – and that is truly empowering!
Creating a meaningful life can start right here, right now. All meaningful change starts with a baseline: the willingness to accept responsibility for where we are at, and for the actions and choices that brought us to the present. Instead of beating yourself up over past decisions or failures, you can initiate meaningful change right now by accepting that you are the key factor to creating a meaningful life.
If that statement feels a little awkward to you, it means you need to own it more fully. Post it where you can see it every day: in the bathroom, the kitchen, your car, or your computer – anywhere you can see it.
You are the key to a meaningful life!
Think about the powerful impact this has. Your potential and your future are in your hands, because you are the key to creating the very change you desire.
How does one create meaningful change?
First, you need to nurture change until it bears fruit. Surround yourself with a strong, dynamic support system; an active pursuit of personal growth; clear goals and boundaries; and the knowledge of what your value system requires from you to maintain inner peace.
Second, you need to minimize the impact of obstacles instead of milking it for sympathy or using it as an excuse to not take charge of your life. Everybody faces challenges such as health setbacks, financial challenges and negative influences. However, none of these things can replace the most important aspect: your conscious presence as the core catalyst to creating the change you desire.
You are the key to creating a meaningful life! Imprint that concept on your mind, because it is super important. You don’t have to be perfect – you simply have to commit to your personal progress.
One of my former colleagues was a very successful entrepreneur who really understood this concept. Whenever people asked him how he became so successful, he would answer, “Simple. Just go beyond the average. Focus on becoming your best.”
How wise he was! In a world of mediocrity where the lowest common denominator usually is enough, you can surpass the norm simply by becoming more than average. You don’t have to strive for perfection; you just have to rise above the average.
Work on yourself and develop more than average enthusiasm. Develop more than average clarity. Develop more than average vision. Develop an above-average commitment to live your best life. In short, to have more, focus on becoming more. When you invest in and work on yourself, the results will follow!
One day shortly before final high school exams, my English teacher read us The Victor, a poem by C. W. Longenecker that I’ve never forgotten. It was written well before the age of gender-sensitive language, yet its message is still as powerful today as when it was penned:
“If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
“If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will.
It’s all in the state of mind.
“If you think you are out-classed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.
“Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.”
If you were to look at the people who attended school or college with you, you may notice that each person has reached a different place in life. Given the fact that they attended the same educational system, speak the same language, and share the same culture, what accounts for the difference?
The difference is on the inside, not the outside. It lies in how well each person understands the key to creating a meaningful life.
Every day, you make choices that determine whether something is meaningful for you or not. You are the only person qualified to measure an external experience by your internal value system and give it the thumbs up or down. The better acquainted you are with your inner value system, personal goals, boundaries and dreams, the more optimal will be the choices you make.
You see, the real difference is not in the astrological signs or the family you come from; the real difference is inside you. In fact, the difference IS you. The power to makes things better is inside you, and personal growth is the catalyst that activates that power in your life.
Within you is the power to believe, to dare, to do, to persevere. Within you is the strength to love, to forgive, to grow, to heal. You are the key to creating a meaningful life and a better future.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
