by Ada Porat | May 27, 2020 | Cope with change, Empowering changes, Faith, Fear and anxiety, Life transitions, Personal growth, Spirituality
COVID-19 changed our world: yours, and mine, and everybody else’s. Life as we knew it, is no more. Moreover, there is no going back. The past is irrevocably over; we are called on to create a brave new paradigm of life.
To move forward, we need to let go of things outside ourselves that we cannot control, and take charge of our inner reality, which is completely in our hands. We also need to act in mature ways to support wise choices. Let’s look at how to get from here to there.
What is it you need most now? What do you wish to see in your world? How do you intend to participate to bring that about?
Despite months of turmoil and upheaval, the totality of life remains filled with possibilities and probabilities. Every challenging circumstance contains seeds of possibility for us to tap into and create more optimal outcomes from the inside out.
Everybody responds differently to change: some are awakening to their true soul identity, others are grieving their losses, and yet others are huddling in denial for lack of knowing what to do. Some may even look for a way to return to the past because they don’t know how to cope with a world that has irretrievably changed.
Trying to resuscitate the past is not helpful. We cannot go back to yesterday or the life we lived ten years ago. Life happens in this present moment, and it is the choices made in each present moment, that will create a sustainable future for us all.
We all feel the enormous impact of irreversible change that has swept around the globe. None of us knows exactly how our lives will be different by the end of this year. We simply know that it will be different in more ways we can imagine. There are no iron-clad guarantees and reassurances – and so everyone is learning to devise ways of coping.
During this upheaval, emotions can feel overwhelming. Daily events may trigger shock, grief, fear or anxiety. After all, we are awash in a world of uncertainty and unknowns.
It is easy to become defensive in the face of uncertainty because defensiveness is a natural human response. It is normal to look for survival tactics and protective measurements to survive.
However, defensiveness keeps us stuck in resistance and prevents us from moving forward.
To avoid getting stuck, it is important to remember who you really are: you’re not just an ego in a body suit, you are an eternal soul who embarked on this earth journey to participate in the evolution of consciousness at this very time of unprecedented change and awakening.
You are so much more than your physical being! You have more resources available to you at non-physical levels than you can imagine. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, stop instead and take inventory of your spiritual arsenal.
Humans are blessed with innate creativity and innovation. Even during this challenging period, we can create effective ways forward.
To do so, we need to let go of lower levels of consciousness from where the quagmire of problems in our world were created. We need to expand our awareness of multiple possibilities coexisting in the Field, because higher awareness and a larger scope are essential to creating optimal outcomes now. Clearly, we need more than duality-based options that belong to an outdated Cartesian world view.
This time of social distancing offered us opportunities to reflect and return to right relationship with our innate Self. We have become aware of what no longer works, what no longer nourishes us, and what we’ll no longer tolerate in life. We’ve also been able to recognize what we truly want from life, so we can choose wisely.
This global time-out helped us reconnect with our inner being and what we truly need. By reconnecting to our inner core, we can make empowered decisions for our path and the greater good.
Humanity has outgrown the place where a few can dictate and make choices for the collective. It is time for each of us to step into maturity and take full responsibility for our own decisions. From there, it will ripple outward and create optimal collective outcomes.
During this season of loss and uncertainty, don’t look back. Go beyond!
Beneath the surface defensiveness of reactivity and blame, lies the presence of Spirit. That Presence contains all possibilities and potentialities. By stepping away from the ego chatter and centering deeper within, we access that Core where all possibilities exist. We can detach from habitual ego reactions of fear and anxiety.
Instead, we can enter a centered space of peace and calm from where we are able to simply observe. We can hold this space until clarity arises. We can cultivate awareness of possibilities beyond our linear thinking to make optimal choices.
We can use this perspective to recognize the limiting conditioning that hampers us and let it go so we can step into our true potential. We can anchor into the Creator Presence within and align with all that is possible to create a brave new paradigm.
This season of change also calls for spiritual maturity. It challenges us to let go of waiting to be rescued, and to step into choosing the path forward ourselves. Spiritual maturity empowers us to step out of old roles of limitation that were assigned to us and to become co-creators of a more empowering future.
Maturity gives us faith in unseen possibilities, so we can hold the intention for what can be. It calls us to elevate our viewpoint above the limitations of what was or is, to what truly can show up in response to our choices now.
Along the way, do not allow obstacles and appearances on the surface of life to undermine your faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of what is not yet seen. Hold on to that.
We are asked to clear out old conditioning, to heal the memories of what happened before, and to let go of what’s no longer needed. By freeing ourselves from past wounds and limitations, we create more room for our path to unfold.
Do not let others tell you what is appropriate for you. Step out of that habit and embrace a more empowering approach. Evaluate, contemplate within and choose for yourself.
Do not resist the process of individual growth, for it is your evolutionary lifeline. Let go of resistance and allow possibilities to emerge from the Truth within.
Trust in the benevolent plan of a loving Creator – and trust yourself. Maturity requires us to trust in ourselves, in the unseen hands that guide and uphold us, and in the Divine plan that we may not yet see but which is unfolding even now.
When we were children, we needed continuous reassurance and simple solutions to feel safe. As mature adults, we learn to be at peace with not knowing. Maturity teaches us to embrace the ever-changing nature of life, and to take full responsibility for our individual choices along the way.
Maturity also teaches us to stay in the void of uncertainty and discomfort; to resist grabbing for some easy version of permanency or settle for some substance to numb our awareness. The security we want is within; it does not lie outside of us.
We also must avoid the pitfall of settling for the devil we know. If we wish to evolve, we dare not let the familiarity of known limitations hold us back from the limitless possibilities we do not yet see.
When we turn away from external conditions beyond our control to focus on our inner life over which we have ALL control, we will find our innate power, peace and creativity restored. That is an important step toward creating a brave new paradigm in which everyone can thrive.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Mar 25, 2020 | Cope with change, Faith, Fear and anxiety, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Spirituality
The great leveler has arrived. As Covid-19, the latest coronavirus, sweeps across the globe without regard for individual status, power or influence, it is showing us that all of us are equally part of the process of life on this planet.
Viruses don’t discriminate based on skin color or political alliance. Our choice is not about whether we participate, but how.
Our planet is starting to awaken out of old consciousness. The cleansing that is sweeping the globe at this time will affect every human being before it is done. Circumstances are forcing us, individually and collectively, to set aside political and religious differences, and to reach out to our fellow humans in support and compassion. Nations are forced to redirect trillions of dollars spent on war toward the support of humanitarian efforts so there can be hope renewed for the weakest among us.
The call for action is clear – but will we respond from faith or from fear? As awakened souls, we can intentionally expand coherence on this planet, starting with our own lives and realities. By choosing to focus on opportunity instead of fear, we can anchor the energies of expansion to minimize suffering and support the awakening of many.
And, as always, we are called to be the change we wish to see in the world; we are asked to start the journey by healing within us that which is not truthful and pure, so we can hold a pure space for others to awaken and reach their potential.
The global time-out offers humanity an opportunity to reflect on our true purpose, both collectively and individually. It is a pause that allows us to disinfect ourselves from viruses of both mind and ego that have infested our world. This time of uncertainty is also a time to heal, reflect and focus on the world we’d like to create. Instead of going into fear, we can focus on perfecting our inner journey, and hold a shared intention for the birthing of an outer reality that honors all forms of life.
During these times of uncertainty, denial, avoidance and resistance are plentiful but they are not helpful.
Rather, we need to identify and release all dissonance within ourselves, so we can dissolve the fear in the collective. Energy flows from resonance to resonance. As we identify and release within ourselves whatever lower levels of consciousness such as fear and anxiety that lurk there, we are able to hold a space of peace and light, uplifting the levels of consciousness on the planet so others can awaken, too.
Fear is a natural human reaction to uncertainty and change, but we do not need to live there! This is not a time to succumb to fear, but a time to remember that we are deeply loved at all times and under all circumstances. We may not be able to replace defunct systems – yet – but we can begin by purifying our own beings, so that our light can illuminate the way for others.
When we focus on feelings of uncertainty, fear or lack, we add to stress levels, both in our bodies and in the collective.
Fear feeds stress, which raises cortisol, inflammatory markers, adrenalin and inflammation, resulting in immune compromise. Uncontrolled stress can lead to panic and a loss of rational thinking and behavior. Therefore, we must reverse the escalation from fear to stress to panic.
Fear is not dispelled by going into denial, or by applying a superficial Band-Aid of positive thinking. Fear dissipates when we become fully present in each moment.
When we become still and go within, we’re able to surrender our resistance to what is. We choose to simply be with unpredictability and observe emotions that arise.
Notice fear, doubt, confusion, anger or even panic arising? These are scraps of our individual woundedness that resonate with the fear in the collective. Healing starts by acknowledging each of these dissonant thoughts and emotions. Then, we release them to Spirit, so we can center our minds on peace. The more we release these dissonant emotions, the greater our capacity to remain in a place of inner stillness and calm, regardless of the storm raging around.
When the mind is at peace, we are open and available to higher frequencies of healing and transformation. Ultimately, then, it is more helpful to have a quiet mind than a superficially positive mind.
With our own practice of clearing and healing in place, we can become fully attentive to the needs of others. This is not a time to judge and criticize, but to extend the hand of friendship and compassion to others, remembering that we’re all in this together. We can use this moment as an opportunity for individual and collective awakening, connection and renewal.
Never before have there been such amazing technologies and opportunities to support one another around the globe. Even as we are physically separated and isolated, we can connect to our worldwide tribe through technology, and to Spirit through our awakened consciousness.
When feeling discouraged, think how it must feel to live out one’s entire life in solitary confinement, as many prisoners do. Remember how the victims of the Spanish Flu epidemic did not have the internet to check on the well-being of loved ones? And during the Black Plague, many comatose patients were buried alive in mass graves along with corpses because of the lack of medical technology.
Despite the discipline imposed on us to curtail our freedom for a season, we have so much to be grateful for!
Balance, alignment and flow are key in these times and beyond. Remember that one person functioning at the level of consciousness of 500 on The Hawkins Map of Consciousness counterbalances 750,000 people who are not yet spiritually awake and operate below 200.
This is a time where compassion outweighs opinions, where love trumps fear, and where faith allows us to move with confidence and trust into the unknown. Let’s accept the assignment we came here for, and let’s make our presence count!
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jan 28, 2020 | Body Mind Spirit, Emotional healing, Love, Personal growth, Spirituality
Want to get enlightened fast? Here’s a reality check: True enlightenment is not going to happen fast; if it does, it is not authentic. True, authentic spirituality is a slow, organic process of growth.
It follows a cyclical rhythm, the way life flows through seasons and patterns. And it looks less like a body-builder on steroids, and more like a homegrown strawberry.
So much of what passes for spirituality today is actually about selling seekers on a package that looks good, but does not lead to authentic spiritual transformation. It represents spirituality on steroids – and while every package promises to be the magic tool, it places appearance and performance above inner transformation.
This consumerist spirituality is all about selling us an image. Master these yoga asanas and you’ll reach enlightenment… or wear these clothes and you’ll be transformed faster… or visit this sacred site and you will become more spiritual.
In this steroid-driven spirituality, the pathway becomes the goal. Its to-do list may look glamorous: a meditative state to attain, a transmission to receive, a workshop to attend; yet the promised result remains just out of reach while we are sold the latest ‘guaranteed’ way to reaching it. You see, it’s based on a flawed principle that we are somehow lacking something we need to strive for.
In truth, authentic spirituality and enlightenment is not a goal we reach out there; it is something we become. The entire Universe operates on the principle of emergence and our spiritual nature is no different: it unfolds when we remove the obstacles to its emergence.
The authentic work of realizing our true identity needs no fancy interventions: it simply requires basic conditions that sustain all forms of life on this planet.
The strawberries in my garden can attest to that.
Strawberries will grow from a tiny seed to a beautiful plant that bears prolifically if you give it the right environment. It needs nutrients from the soil, sunlight and comfortable temperatures. When it gets these basic ingredients, it grows abundantly in full harmony with its own genotype and bears beautiful, juicy fruit in due season.
When we alter the nature of strawberries with genetic engineering and chemical steroids to boost production, the fruit will turn out big but tough and tasteless. They may look good on the surface, but one taste will tell you the difference between scientifically manipulated fruit and a juicy homegrown strawberry.
It’s the same with commercialized-spirituality. While promising instant miracles and results, it robs each individual of their unique journey to become the magnificent soul whose potential they’ve carried all along, and it renders them weak and tasteless.
While it makes bold claims of miracles, power and peace, commercialized spirituality sells us an image of who we think we need to be to qualify, lures us away from the very life we have by promising us something better, and tempts us to strive for spiritual success by doing more while in the process losing our most precious connection to our inner selves.
Thankfully, the way to authentic spirituality is always open to us.
Authentic spirituality puts an end to the lie that we need to be anywhere other than where we find ourselves right now. It gives us the freedom to grow right where we are, to harness the nutrients of the life we are already living, and to allow our inner guidance to produce delicious, juicy fruit to share with the world.
Here are four important principles of authentic spirituality:
- The answers already await inside you.
Whatever the question your life is asking you right now, the answer lies in the truth of who you already are. Why? Because you are a limitless spiritual being, experiencing this duality-based earth life to grow, evolve and realize your full potential.
Learning to distinguish the authentic voice of your soul from the noise of culture and conditioning is a journey—and it’s not necessarily easy. But it’s simple, and that is important. Whatever response is called for, you can relax and ask yourself, ‘How could this be useful on my path?’ then listen for your soul’s whisper to guide you. Learning to recognize the voice of your Higher truth will set you free from the confines of your limitations.
- Your body is the perfect spiritual vehicle for authentic spiritual growth.
Instead of bypassing the body’s messages or judging it as a faulty tool that needs to be fixed, authentic spirituality embraces the body as a vehicle that continually communicates with you. When you are at home and grounded in your body, you have the best chance of healing, learning, growing and becoming.
The physical body is not optional in this life and it is not a problem. It is a temple not made by hands; a sacred vessel for the presence of Spirit in our lives. The more we become present to our embodied experience, the more we are able to harness all the energy of Spirit we can contain to heal, transform and fulfill our potential.
- Your life is always speaking to you.
Right now, your life is speaking to you through events, metaphors, symbolism and other messages to guide you. Instead of resisting, try listening to it with an open heart. When we listen to our lives, we get precious information that is customized just for us.
It is by learning to love the life you have, that you can begin to choose a life you love. Your own direct experience needs to be the authority in your life rather than any external program, guru or person. Over time, listening to your life in this way is how you’ll learn where you grow best and what conditions allow you to bear the greatest fruit for your community and world.
- Your emotions aren’t a problem.
Most suffering in life is caused by the unwillingness to feel what we are actually feeling. Instead, we create elaborate avoidance strategies and masks to hide behind, causing endless suffering.
When you allow yourself to feel your emotions as they come and go, you’ll find peace. There is no story to tell around it; there is simply the being present in each moment, and the awareness of the emotions passing through your awareness like clouds in the sky. By observing your emotions without resistance, you’ll find them passing through your awareness while you continue to stay identified with your consciousness as the core of your true Self.
Authentic spirituality is a path of inner, direct experience that gradually unfolds at your unique human pace and produces practical enlightenment – the kind that serves instead of enslaves.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Dec 30, 2019 | Conscious living, Gratitude, Happiness, Joy, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Spirituality
At times, it can feel as if the demands of physical life keep us so busy struggling to survive that there is no time for the mystic pursuits of spirituality. And yet, there is a way to live as a mystic in the mainstream of life, dancing gracefully between these seemingly opposite worlds.
We are not just physical bodies rushing through life; we are timeless spiritual beings experiencing life in the physical realm. And to thrive, we need to learn how to operate in both worlds: the world of the unseen Presence and the world of manifest physicality. We need to learn how to coexist in the realm of the timeless Now as well as the realm of linear time. Together, these realms offer us boundless gifts and opportunities for personal growth.
Shamans refer to this interface between realms as walking between the worlds: learning to live in both the realms of the timeless invisible and the manifest world. Walking between the world implies action, for it is not an abstract intellectual process. We come to understand life by experimenting and experiencing, not just by passive intellectual pursuit.
How do we become better at this process of living as mystics in the mainstream of life? Here are three guidelines to consider:
- Review and integrate the learning from your experiences so far.
Making peace with the past is important because it can empower and orient us in the present. A periodic review of our path offers the chance to release what is no longer appropriate in order to make space for the values and actions that can empower our future.
This process requires us to be ruthlessly honest and vigilant with ourselves. Where have we excelled? Where can we improve?
One of the subtle pitfalls on the spiritual journey that requires vigilance to purge from our lives is entitlement. You know, that sense of false righteousness that demands that Spirit bestows on us the things we desire, because we think we deserve them. We don’t even need to be followers of the prosperity gospel to fall for this trap, because it appeals to the ego in all of us.
Entitlement is an egoic illusion! Life gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want.
Spirit knows exactly what we need for our learning and growth. Entitlement, on the other hand, operates from the false premise that we know better than Spirit what we need and that we cannot trust in the loving care of a benevolent Creator. It is driven by fear and arrogance instead of trust and faith.
Because entitlement is driven by ego, it insatiable and cannot lead to long-term happiness. The key to happiness is not entitlement, but gratitude.
We are not our neighbors; therefore, the things they need for their growth are not the same as what we need. To fully trust, we need to let go of what we want, and to instead learn to embrace what we are given with gratitude.
2. Clarify and prioritize what is most important to your life right now.
Your unique life, in this very moment, is all you have. What is it you desire to accomplish with this precious gift? What is the legacy you wish to leave behind after you have passed from here?
So often, I hear people saying that they want to have more joy and happiness in their lives. They think that once they have more joy, they will be more grateful.
In reality, it works the other way around. The root of joy is gratitude: It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful!
We have thousands of opportunities every day to be grateful: enjoying good weather, having a good night’s rest, being able to walk and talk and express ourselves, having a functional body, having enough food to eat… night and day, life rains down gifts on us without us even asking. Had we been more fully aware of this, we’d be overwhelmed by gratitude!
Instead, we often shuffle through life in a daze until we are jerked back to reality by the loss of things we’d taken for granted. A power failure can make us aware of what a gift electricity is; a sprained ankle lets us appreciate the freedom of walking; an illness renews our appreciation for health; a sleepless night brings appreciation for the gift of sleep.
Instead of noticing the gifts of life only when suddenly deprived of them, we can bring awareness to these things and cultivate an attitude of gratitude instead.
3. Identify what is yearning to emerge in your life and take appropriate action.
When we fully live from the present moment, where we are aware of our place in both the seen and unseen realms, miracles can start to happen.
The soul’s yearning for more can be heard whenever we turn inward to listen.
We can let this yearning find expression in our lives by looking for what is meaningful, what we need to actualize our potential.
We can support the unfoldment of our potential by leaning into life and becoming an active participant in the process.
Along the way, we can cultivate an attitude of gratitude to keep our hearts open and to avoid the pernicious trap of entitlement.
We can remember that we are on this journey to experiment, experience and become – not to win or lose!
And we can muster the courage to follow our passion, knowing that through the failures, setbacks and challenges of the journey, we are evolving into our full potential.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jun 21, 2019 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Faith, Fear and anxiety, Mindfulness, Peace, Self-awareness, Spirituality
Fear constricts and empowerment frees; and tending the heart allows us to find our way to that freedom.
Fear is a deeply rooted meme in society because every generation on earth has faced the need for survival. In earlier times, fear of abandonment was primary for most individuals, because abandonment by the tribe most often led to death.
Fear is also used extensively by egoic minds and unawakened beings to control, manipulate and force consensus, even when it is false.
Fear is an illusion
Fear is truly false, for it presents false evidence in order to coerce us into submission; it often parades the imminent danger of abandonment to make us cower from the possibility of what other humans might do to us.
Even this grandiose posturing of fear is false! In truth, the Creator cannot abandon creation, for the creation is the very expression of Divinity in physical form. To abandon creation, the Creator has to abandon Himself, and that is not possible. Both Creator and creation are one in consciousness; therefore all divisive concepts of fear and abandonment come from the unawakened ego self.
To make space for the realization of Divine support and protection in our lives, we need to evict the fear of what man can do to us.
We need to understand that fear is a man-made phenomenon that has no power over our eternal souls. Only then can we affirm that we are embraced by a loving Creator who does not and cannot abandon His creation.
Tending the heart
Once we have revealed fear for what it is: false evidence appearing real, there is a Zen Buddhist teaching that reminds us there are only two things in this world we need to do: sit and tend the garden.
Even though the world is full of suffering, it is also full of empowerment to overcome. When we stop and become quiet, we can see this.
And so, we need to tend our hearts so we can transition from fear to faith; from disempowerment to true empowerment.
Take the time to sit and calm your heart; feel beneath the fear to the woundedness there that begs for healing. It takes courage to step away from the crowd, to push away the busy schedule and to sit, tending your heart and your soul. Yet all masters knew how important that is: even Gandhi took one day a week to sit in silence, tending the garden of his heart so he could be the change he sought in the world.
Right action
When we’ve taken time to tend the heart, we can engage in meaningful action. How you do your work is as important as what you do. Never act out of guilt, because then you are propagating the very suffering of the world. If you truly wish to grow love and not anger, fear or guilt, then do what you do from love, and not from any other emotion.
When acting out of guilt, anger or fear, we act out of ego, no matter how noble the cause we engage in.
Expand your circle
We also need to stay connected to the whole of life, even as we figure out our individual parts of the journey. Don’t draw your circle of life too small. You are more than one person – you are one with life itself, expressing in this life through consciousness.
Reclaim your connection
It is in sitting and contemplation that we recognize the stillness of the Creator Presence and our connection to all. That awareness can foster in us spontaneous caring and compassion for the woundedness of the world, so we commit to the awakening and care of the world.
Many brave souls have gone before to show the way. I often find inspiration in the beautiful words of author Diane Ackerman’s School Prayer:
“In the name of daybreak
and the eyelids of morning
and the wayfaring moon
and the night when it departs,
I swear I will not dishonor
my soul with hatred,
but offer myself humbly
as a guardian of nature,
a healer of misery,
a messenger of wonder,
and an architect of peace.
In the name of the sun and its mirrors
and the day that embraces it
and the cloud veils drawn over it
and the uttermost night
and the male and the female
and the plants bursting with seed
and the crowning seasons
of the firefly and the apple,
I will honor all life
—wherever and in whatever form
it may dwell—on Earth my home,
and in the mansions of the stars.”
Centuries earlier, the Buddha taught: “To live in joy and love even among those who hate; to live in joy and health, even among the afflicted; to live in joy and peace, even among the troubled; quiet your mind and tend the heart, and free yourself from fears and confusion and attachment, and know the sweet joy of living in the Way.”
What is your gift to the world that only you can bring? Listen closely, push beyond fear to find it, and then commit to do it with love and joy!
About The Author:
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Feb 12, 2019 | Conscious living, Life skills, Mindfulness, Peace, Personal growth, Self-awareness, Spirituality
Of the many things that cause us pain, our expectation that life should be perfect, is one of the primary causes. The idea that there exists a perfect Shangri-La somewhere that we can somehow locate, is a form of magical thinking that sets us up for false expectations and disappointment..
It creates dissatisfaction with the life we have and pulls us out of the present moment into an unending search for perfection out there somewhere. It also leads to frustration when our efforts fail to create the perfect outcomes we think we need, deserve or desire.
If we truly desire inner peace, we need to trade this magical thinking for a more accurate version of truth. Zen teaches that to find peace of mind, we need to “think of life as a series of imperfect facts.”
I have used this helpful reminder in countless ways in my personal practice.
This phrase reminds us that our reactions and outrage often stem from an unconscious belief that life should be perfect – or that our individual lives and outcomes ought to be perfect for us to have peace.
Because this limiting belief operates beneath the surface, we may be unaware of it. If I were to ask you, “Do you expect your life to be perfect?” you would almost certainly say no.
And yet, we get upset when our lives do not match our idealized dreams! This process is known as cognitive dissonance – the conflict between what we want and what actually shows up.
It is worth checking how often you become angry or frustrated when something relatively minor goes wrong, or when events don’t turn out the way you wanted. You may even feel outraged when life refuses to follow your commands!
With some mindfulness, we can turn such moments into Zen moments: we can think of life as a series of imperfect facts. And know, too, that sometimes those apparent imperfections are really blessings in disguise.
In the same way that we can become outraged when life “goes wrong,” we can sometimes react very harshly when people let us down, or when our expectations are shattered by some very human behavior.
Our relationships do best when we can accept that people sometimes will behave badly, inconsistently or thoughtlessly. Sometimes they will let us down.
As long as this doesn’t happen all the time and does not put us in danger, it is healthier for everyone when we can see these behaviors as part of the big picture and get over the smaller disappointments.
When we focus on let-downs and disappointments, our relationships weaken and may even disintegrate. By choosing instead to see others as flawed as we are, yet generally doing their best, our relationships with all of life become easier, more relaxed and far more rewarding.
Mother Teresa reminded us of that when she said:
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
When we can see the perfect unfolding of life as a series of imperfect facts, our acceptance of what is, brings freedom and joy.
About the author:
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
