by Ada Porat | Jun 21, 2022 | Conscious living, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Resilience, Spirituality
Photo credit: Rajesh Rajput, Unsplash
“Out of collision of opposites the unconscious psyche always creates a third thing of an irrational nature, which the conscious mind neither expects nor understands.” Carl Jung
How do we create unity and integrity in our world so those who are awakened can work together for the highest good of all? I believe it requires evolving spiritual consciousness. The world created by lower levels of consciousness is no longer viable: it pushes short-term agendas that benefit only an elite few, whereas higher consciousness fosters a long-term vision that includes and benefits all.
To foster more spiritual consciousness on the planet, we need to awaken the spiritual hero within each of us.
The archetypal hero within is common to all human cultures. It is a global story that reminds us of true purpose and potential. It calls us to tap into our innate power and to overcome daunting obstacles in our heroic visionary quest for optimal outcomes. When we embrace our spiritual hero archetype, we also tap into the infinite creativity and limitless possibilities of Source. The continuously evolving nature of Source helps raise our levels of consciousness so we can overcome challenges, becoming the spiritual hero in our own life.
Developing spiritual consciousness awakens us to the archetypal spiritual hero within. This aspect of our being is not restricted by fear or by the conditioned limitations of the ego self. It connects us to our Source, so we can access higher level solutions to transcend inner and outer limitations. Our radiant higher nature can light our path and bless all other forms of life.
Alignment with the Source of life awakens the fearless hero within so we can stand tall and face challenges with the courage born from deep inner knowing. It teaches us harmonious ways to align with others and uplift our interactions. This inner union with Source brings joy, not fear. It heals and includes, whereas ego-based actions attack and oppress.
The need to wage war and oppress comes from ego, not from Spirit. It creates a broken and suffering world where conditioned minds only know how to look at events through the lens of defense and domination.
Our souls are not at war, nor do we need to be.
Our souls are intimately connected to the Source of all life, goodness, abundance and harmony. There is no need for us to embrace conflict or limitation. We are called to be spiritual heroes, not suffering slaves!
From the perspective of spiritual consciousness there is no enemy to fear, attack or control. There are only blind minds and mass-programmed egos running amok. These are the issues that need to be changed, and they will change by awakening and finding solutions from higher levels of consciousness.
All of us are called to awaken to the hero within, yet few choose to respond. It takes courage to change ingrained beliefs that we are weak and limited.
You and I were created for these times! Our personal heroic journey to freedom beckons. Where do we start?
The hero’s journey starts with alignment to our Source, so true power can flow into us from there. In the presence of this alignment, fear and falsehood dissolves. The more we embrace Higher truth and love within, the more our lower nature is purified and integrated in service to Source. Ultimately, we can become shining beacons of hope, radiating inspiration and positivity for others to evolve.
We also develop higher spiritual consciousness by cultivating unconditional love for Spirit and for ourselves. Then we are able to extend that unconditional love to others, including the ones still acting out their shadow. It is the presence of unconditional love that awakens the human heart, not judgment or hatred.
We further awaken to our true nature as spiritual beings having this earth experience. We come to understand that our true nature is spirit, not ego. The ego is a human construct created by blind minds, feeling separated from Truth. The old paradigm of separation drops away as we come to understand that we are each a unique expression of the one Source. We are all one. Each of us are part of everything, the whole universe.
This recognition of Oneness reframes our relationships with all other expressions of life around us. There is no one individual better than any other; we are simply different expressions of the one Source.
Since we all come from Source, each of us has access to that power and inspiration. We do not need to find the hero in another to fuel our purpose. We need to discover it within ourselves first, no matter how long it takes.
When we let go of the limiting conditioning and fully embrace our oneness with the Creator, it fills us with humility, awe, joy, inspiration and passion. We can drink from that fountain of wisdom and let it renew our commitment to do our part in the unfoldment of humanity’s potential. We embark on the spiritual hero’s journey!
All change begins within. Whatever we wish to change, needs to first be changed within us. So do you want to see a more loving world? Become more loving. Do you want to experience more abundance? Become more generous. This is how we change the world – leading by example!
This work of awakening to spiritual consciousness and embarking on the spiritual hero’s journey, is our ultimate purpose in life. The drama and drive on the surface of life are simply distractions to this true work.
Refuel your passion every day, so you will have resilience to navigate the twists and turns of life. You are a spark of the Creator and your passion is fed by consciously participating in creativity: whether you create a tasty meal, create a beautiful garden, create technical solutions or create community with other individuals. When you create, you tap into your oneness with the Creator and refuel your passion for your purpose.
On the spiritual journey, it does not matter whether you are in the front, the middle or the back of the pack – you are part of one human tribe traveling home to our Source. The hero’s journey is not a race: simply doing your bit daily will carry you to the finish line.
When you feel wobbly, remember that you are the one you have been waiting for! Awaken the spiritual hero within and join the wave of spiritual consciousness that is growing now. Together, we are embodying the vision for a better world.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit http://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Oct 23, 2020 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Resilience
Photo credit: Daniel Sessler, Unsplash
When we droop with fatigue, overwhelmed by the relentless pace of change, yet yearning for a better life, it is helpful to turn back to basics – hopefully a little wiser. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the heads up on a few things we may encounter along the way?
I sure could have used a few pointers along the way to smooth out the kinks! However, a huge range of life experience taught me some valuable lessons, and I am happy to share them. Here are eight insights from my personal playbook on surviving in this world of marvel and change. May it encourage, embolden and inspire you!
- You will pass from this life leaving an unfinished To Do list behind.
Shocking, isn’t it – and that despite your very best efforts every day! Today more than ever, there’s no reason to assume any fit between demands on your time – all the things you like to do or feel you ought to do – and the amount of time available. Thanks to capitalism, technology and human ambition, these demands keep increasing, while your capacities remain largely fixed. It follows that the attempt to clean up your To Do list is doomed.
The upside is that you need not berate yourself for failing to do it all, since doing it all is structurally impossible. The only viable solution is to make a shift: from a stressed-out rat race trying not to neglect anything, to a life intentionally lived and consciously choosing what to neglect in favor of what matters most.
- When stumped by a life choice, choose enlargement over happiness.
Jungian therapist James Hollis said that major personal decisions should be made not by asking, “Will this make me happy?” but “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?” We’re usually terrible at predicting what will make us happy: the issue quickly gets bogged down in our narrow preferences for security and control. Yet choosing enlargement elicits a deeper, intuitive response. You tend to know when leaving or staying in a relationship or a job, even though it might bring short-term security, would mean cheating yourself of growth.
- The capacity to tolerate minor discomfort is a superpower.
It’s shocking to realize how readily we set aside even our greatest ambitions in life, merely to avoid any level of unpleasantness. You already know it won’t kill you to endure the mild agitation of getting back to work on an important project, initiating a difficult conversation with someone, asking somebody out, committing to a workout routine, or checking your bank balance – yet you can waste years in avoidance! This is exactly why social media platforms flourish: they provide an instant, compelling distraction from reality where we can escape to at the first hint of unease.
Instead, you can truly empower yourself by gradually increasing your capacity for discomfort, similar to doing weight training. When you expect an action to bring up feelings of irritability, anxiety or boredom, you can stick to your commitment; let the feelings arise and fade while doing the right action anyway. Once you experience the rewards of tolerating discomfort, it will reinforce this path of walking straight ahead as a more appealing way to live.
- The advice you don’t want to hear is usually the advice you need.
I spent years fixating on becoming hyper-productive before I finally started wondering why I was staking so much of my self-worth on my productivity levels. What I needed wasn’t another personal goal, but asking more uncomfortable questions instead.
Yes, it isn’t fun to confront whatever emotional experiences you’re avoiding – if it were fun, you wouldn’t avoid them – so any advice that could really help is likely to make you uncomfortable, too. And that is okay! If you can muster up the courage to go where you really don’t want to, you may just break through to a deeper level of personal truth.
Be especially wary of celebrities offering advice in public forums: many of them pursue fame to fill an inner void, which tends not to work – so they are likely to be more troubled than you are and by the time you buy their snake oil, they’d have already moved on to the next gig.
Here is a bit of reverse psychology that does work: ask yourself what kind of practices strike you as intolerably cheesy or self-indulgent. Is it a gratitude journal, mindfulness meditation, or seeing a therapist? If you feel resistance rising, it might well mean that the very issue your ego is resisting, is the one worth pursuing.
- The future will never provide the reassurance you seek from it.
As the ancient Greek and Roman Stoics understood, much of our suffering arises from attempting to control what is not in our control. And the main thing we try but fail to control is the future. We want to know, from our vantage point in the present, that things will be OK later on. Yet we never can!
It’s wrong to say we live in especially uncertain times. The future is always uncertain; we’re simply very aware of it in current times.
No amount of fretting will ever alter this truth. Accept that certainty and it will set you free.
While we live in uncertain times, it is still useful to make plans. Make your plans with the awareness that a plan is only ever a present-moment statement of intent, not a lasso thrown around the future to bring it under control. The spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti said his secret for peace was simple: “I don’t mind what happens.” That does absolve you from trying to make life better for yourself or others. It just means not living each day anxiously braced to see if things work out as you hoped.
- The solution to imposter syndrome is to see that you are one.
In the current era of incompetent leadership, it is not possible to ignore corrupt governments and egocentric self-indulgence amid global threats of destruction to the point of extinction. Yet the way forward lies neither in complaining nor in passively accepting that we are all doomed.
I believe the answer lies in recognizing that you – unconfident, self-conscious, insecure, and all-too-aware-of-your-flaws – you potentially have as much to contribute to your field and to the world as anyone else.
Humanity is divided into two: on the one hand, those who are improvising their way through life, patching solutions together and putting out fires as they go, but deluding themselves by arguing for their limitations; and on the other, those doing exactly the same, except that they know it. It’s infinitely better to apply yourself and accept your failures and successes both as intrinsic parts of life.
Remember, the reason you can’t hear other people’s inner monologues of self-doubt is not because they don’t have them. It’s simply because you only have access to your own mind!
- Selflessness is overrated.
We respectable types, and women especially, are raised to think a life well spent means helping others – and plenty of self-help gurus stand ready to affirm for a price that generosity and sacrifice are the way to happiness. There’s truth here, but it generally gets tangled up with exploitation of deep-seated issues of guilt and self-esteem.
If you think you should be doing more, that’s probably a sign that you should direct more energy toward your true passions and ambitions. As Buddhist teacher Susan Piver said, it feels radical to ask how we’d enjoy spending an hour or day of discretionary time – yet the irony is that you don’t actually benefit anyone else by suppressing your true passions anyway. Instead of being disciplined about hating on yourself to get things done, try being disciplined about remaining close to what brings you joy. It takes a lot of courage, actually.
- Know when to move on.
And then, finally, there’s knowing when something that meant a great deal to you has reached its natural endpoint. All things in life come to an end, both the good and the bad. Your most empowering response is not to bewail the ending or unfairness of it all, or to hang on for dear life until your claw marks scar the very thing you loved most as life pulls it away from you. Your most creative choice in the face of endings, is to let go and to turn to what is next. The rest of life awaits, both for you and for me!
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Aug 29, 2020 | Cope with change, Personal growth, Resilience
Resilience is that enigmatic quality we all seek when life gets rocky; it is the quality that allows us to dig deep, find renewed courage and face our biggest fears so we can tame our dragons and emerge unscathed at the other end of turbulent times.
Radical resilience offers us that hidden ability during crisis to get back up, dust ourselves off and generate a new vision for our lives at every level.
Genuine resilience has nothing to do with claims of invincibility, superiority or willpower; rather, it depends on our willingness to be vulnerable and stand firm at the very times when we don´t know the next step.
In spiritual terms, resiliency involves the commitment to awaken further during times of setback instead of shutting down, and that awakening leads to growth in wisdom and faith.
Charles Dickens´ classic novel A Tale of Two Cities, opens with these lines:
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair … we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way …”
These words could well be used to describe current times instead of the French Revolution era almost 250 years ago that Dickens described! It tells about a time of chaos, conflict and despair; a time of controversies and contradictions, as well as happiness.
Still today, these challenges are inherent in life and thus continue. Life is filled with difficulties and triumphs, obstacles and opportunities.
Humanity is in the midst of a resurgent pandemic, suffering from a lack of leadership and facing the threat of economic collapse. We are caught up in civic uprisings and struggles against racial and social injustice worldwide. Beyond these immediate threats, we´re still facing a global climate crisis that makes the rest of our actions look like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
Because all things are interconnected, the transformation we yearn for involves not a single change, but a cascade of complex changes. The way we approach these changes, could ultimately lead to global destruction or a genuine transformation of the world as we´ve known it.
The critical choices and responsibilities are ours.
We are being called to a greater sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. Effective choices and actions must come from a deeper level of understanding. We are called on to embark on a collective rite of passage to transform old beliefs and find new ways to orient our lives despite radical uncertainty and rapid change.
The pressure caused by continuing, rapid, major crises reveals hidden fault lines, great inequities and painful injustices in all areas of our lives. It is calling us to respond with more than simple survival: long-term resilience requires that we respond in the midst of crisis with genuine inner change on a personal level, so we can merge our purified vision with others` to transform society from the bottom up.
Resilience is a hard-earned quality. It is not developed by a life of comfort, ease and safety, despite what the ego would have us believe. Only when faced with obstacles, stress, and external threat does resilience develop. Psychological studies show that children who do not face adversity early in life tend to lack a capacity for resiliency. As the old proverb goes, “Smooth seas make bad sailors.”
Resiliency can be developed by facing difficult times with faith and courage. It does not matter how many setbacks we face, or how many failures we experience, what matters is how we respond to challenges.
The soul is the only aspect of a person that cannot be overwhelmed. It is the seat and living source of human resilience.
We deepen our resilience by responding from the soul, and not the ego. Whereas the ego screams for revenge, the soul takes inventory and accepts humble responsibility for its own part in the unfolding picture. Instead of stirring up more turmoil, it forgives the wrongs. In so doing, it neutralizes the escalation of hatred and anger by extending forgiveness and compassion.
No matter how dark the night, the soul can find salient aspects to help the human soul awaken further. There is much that we can do to support this process.
We are in a collective rite of passage, a rare state of transition that can transform the nature of societies worldwide. If we can hold a vision for the emergence of a more inclusive humanity, we can find ways to navigate the rough terrain from here to there. Meanwhile, we need to embrace the unifying moments of community that appear in the midst of conflict, participating in these moments as part of the collective healing process where we agree to protect and care for one another.
In these troubled times, we can also draw closer to like-minded souls who share this greater vision. Our soul tribe may span the globe and all timelines past, present and future. We can find comfort in nature and in our animal companions. And we can draw from the well of Spirit to renew our faith so we can hold that vision for the world we wish to create, standing strong, brave and unwavering in the face of the demolition of the old. We can tend the sacred spark of our inner lives to embody a more soulful presence in this world.
Ultimately, it is the awakened soul that rises above isolation and despair. By nurturing this awakened state in ourselves and others, we will find the strength to hold onto that higher collective vision and to do our part toward its fulfillment. In fact, it is our sacred duty to support and serve the sparks of holiness we find others and in the world.
The light that burns in us is also the light that dwells in others; it is the hidden light at the center of all things. When the inner light of soul awakens from within, it enlivens things in the world around us as well. That is how things change, from the inside out; from the soul to the world. The radical resilience of the awakened heart can hold a vision of greater inclusiveness to spur us on toward acts of courage and forgiveness, leading us toward the creation of a better world.
by Ada Porat | Jul 22, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Life skills, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-awareness
Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to difficult emotions such as anxiety and shame. It is a portable form of therapy that can be applied anywhere.
Many people think of self-compassion as a weak trait and shun it in their effort to act tough. And yet, self-compassion is hugely important to help us learn and grow.
It allows us to become more resilient because we accept the inherent possibility of both failure and success in all areas of life, instead of resisting it. Through the lens of self-compassion, we recognize that both failure and success are part of the process of life. Instead of hardening our stance in the face of setbacks, this recognition helps us to accept ourselves and our best effort as good enough in each moment. Even when we fail, self-compassion gives us the courage to try again.
The aspect of ourselves that judges, blames or shames ourselves or others, will be the slowest in evolving. Our least evolved parts are usually stuck in basic survival instincts, including excessive self-criticism, fear, hatred and shame.
By healing this within us, we are able to fully evolve.
Whenever we feel threatened by something outside ourselves, we automatically revert back to the primal fight/freeze/flight response for protection and safety. We lash out, self-isolate or avoid confrontation instead of learning how to effectively deal with challenges.
When danger is experienced on the inside, we go a step further: we internalize the fight/freeze/flight response and instead judge, blame or abandon ourselves. We devolve toward self-criticism, isolation and stuckness – the unholy trinity of woundedness.
A good case in point is the anxiety that many people experience around public speaking. According to psychologist and mindfulness practitioner Dr. Chris Germer, a public speaking anxiety is not an anxiety disorder; it is a shame disorder. At the root of the anxiety that causes us to fear failure or to choke up, lies deep shame.
When we internalize our shame, we create anxiety.
Self-compassion dissolves this excessive shame and self-criticism to bring balance thru self-love. In essence, the practice of self-compassion allows us to hold ourselves in the midst of shame, acknowledging that we are all imperfect beings and embracing ourselves nonetheless.
Many of us extend compassion toward others, yet have difficulty in holding compassion toward ourselves. We can be compassionate to others because we don’t feel immediately threatened by their challenges.
And yet, healthy self-compassion is a necessary prerequisite to master before we can offer true compassion to others.
Why is it so difficult for us to develop self-compassion?
Self-compassion is not our first response at the instinctual level of survival; it is a skill we need to develop from a spiritual perspective if we wish to break free from living at basic levels of survival and evolve into our fullest potential. Old conditioning of self-judgment, unworthiness and shame also make it difficult for us to practice self-compassion and block our growth. To continue evolving, it becomes essential for us to address these emotions.
Self-compassion can be seen as a melting of the heart in the face of difficulty – stepping out of judgment and into compassion devoid of judgment for ourselves or others. It allows the lower, denser emotions to dissolve in the higher frequencies of compassion and love.
When the heart starts to soften around an issue, we will re-experience some of the same emotions previously triggered by conditions: shame, guilt, pain, grief, disappointment and more. And yet, as we learn how to hold that space of compassion for ourselves, we become strong enough to hold our pain as well. By becoming present and acknowledging these buried emotions, they can finally dissolve so we can let go of woundedness in our lives.
Self-compassion gives us the capacity to hold ourselves in love while we process old pain differently and resolve it, instead of staying stuck in a dysfunctional coping mechanism. This practice allows us to become stronger and more resilient, and we grow in grace.
Even as life continues to offer us emotional triggers, our growing ability for self-compassion and understanding empowers us to hold that safe space of compassion for ourselves. It allows us to see ourselves as a work in process, holding our struggles and the messiness of our lives in compassion. I believe this is what pioneering psychologist Carl Rogers meant when he said: “When I accept myself just as I am, I can begin to change.”
Self-compassion becomes easier with practice. It develops our ability to extend compassion and forgiveness to all forms of life, and to offer more life-expanding love to others. Ultimately, it connects us intimately to the abundantly rich wellspring life.
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence; it means treating ourselves with the same care, love and support we would give another.
This inner stance allows us to ask ourselves what we need and then giving that to ourselves. It allows us to recognize that all people are imperfect – including us – and to admit that in ourselves at the very moment we feel we’re failing. It gives us the grace to accept what is instead of getting stuck in resistance and denial.
At the core of self-compassion lies mindfulness – observing things as they happen and being willing to stay present with difficult emotions. Mindfulness is a wonderful practice because it teaches us how to step out of the drama and practice compassion toward ourselves and all sentient beings.
Lasting transformation comes not from just understanding the process of self-compassion, but putting it into practice as a personal way of living.
Here are a few guidelines to help you live from a place of self-compassion:
- When you find yourself failing or suffering, bring mindfulness to it – acknowledge that you are struggling to validate yourself.
- Remind yourself of the common humanity of the situation – this is not just you; it is part of all of life. Struggle is a part of life.
- Speak some words of kindness to yourself; comfort yourself and give yourself the encouragement that you would give your best friend.
- Cultivate the habit of practicing lovingkindness to yourself and all sentient beings in all circumstances – especially the challenging ones! An excellent place to start is with the Buddhist Lovingkindness prayer, one version of which you can find at Buddhagroove.
- Commit to a daily practice of self-compassion. In the flow of life, a self-compassionate response means honoring the pain of seeing what we’ve done; recognize difficult situations as areas in need of healing, acknowledging the experience and its related shame in love, and then opening our hearts with forgiveness and compassion in the midst of shame.
When more and more people commit to practicing self-compassion, we create a culture of kindness in which everyone can heal and grow. Together, we can become a force for healing in a broken world.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Feb 20, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-awareness
Gandhi, that great peacemaker and inspirational leader, applied a simple motto to his life. It read, “My life is my message.”
Gandhi understood that we communicate with everyone we encounter each day; our lives are the books read by others, and our message is shared through our attitudes, values, beliefs, thoughts, words and actions – everything that drives us daily.
The message of your life consists of three very important components. Through it:
- You guide yourself to what is possible;
- You guide others about what is most important to you and what they can expect of you; and
- You affect and influence the larger environment around you.
What does your life message say? Your message will always communicate what is most important to you. For your life to have positive impact, it is essential to cultivate awareness of the issues that occupy your time and attention.
You shape your life through the power of your attention before you even make a choice. Whatever you pay attention to, think about, dwell on, talk, worry or obsess about, will increase and multiply until it affects who you become.
- If you constantly think about what frightens you, you will become more fearful.
- If you constantly think about how unfair life is, you will see more reasons to support this view.
- If you believe you are worthless, your choices and behaviors will reflect that belief.
- If you feel entitled to be angry, you will find more and more to be angry about.
Likewise, when you pay close attention to what is positive, hopeful, supportive, uplifting and encouraging, your life and sense of self will inevitably reflect that.
You have the power to choose what you cultivate in the inner garden of your mind!
Whatever your circumstances, you can direct your attention to what will most positively affect your attitudes and actions. Your personal attitudes and values can lift your spirits or dash them far more effectively than anything outside yourself can!
The power of consciously focusing your attention also sets the stage for personal empowerment in your life. To the same extent that you harness your focus to practice self-awareness and self-knowledge, personal happiness and inner harmony become available within. Self-knowledge helps guide optimal choices, so the more self-knowledge you develop, the more self-empowered you ultimately become.
True self-knowledge allows for an honest assessment of strengths and weaknesses – not to judge or avoid the weaker aspects, but to allow for their healing and integration. This process is at the core of all personal growth. It ultimately empowers you to call on inner strengths and capabilities to meet life’s challenges, instead of making excuses for your woundedness or fear. Each time you strengthen or heal an area of woundedness, you become more integrated and more resilient to make empowering choices.
Over time, self-knowledge fosters trust in yourself and in the choices you make. There is no short-cut to true self-knowledge; it is developed in the thick of living where it grows from keen awareness and attention to the unfolding process of your life.
Your life is your most powerful message to others, and self-knowledge allows you to fine-tune that message. By observing your life and actions, you can cultivate the attitude and skills necessary to fulfill your life purpose in the most optimal way.
Here are a few pointers to get you started on honing your unique message:
Observe your impact on other people. Put yourself in their shoes. See yourself from their perspective. Listen to yourself. Get to know your emotional terrain and how it affects everyone around you. When you don’t like what you see, change it!
Listen carefully to your own stories. Your stories shape your character, temperament and sense of what is possible, so know what your stories are. How do you habitually describe the impact of life events on you? What themes do you emphasize? Which stories do you keep harking back to? When you see the impact of the stories you tell, you can change your habitual stories for more optimal outcomes.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps even more important than your strengths, is the awareness of what challenges you. Both strengths and obstacles have lots to teach you. True authenticity is found by being aware of your weaknesses and working to improve them, yet choosing to reach for your highest potential.
Find out what matters to you. What do you talk about most persistently? Where are you focusing your time, money and attention? If it does not bring you the outcomes you desire, perhaps it is time to shift your focus.
Notice what makes you happy. What makes you feel genuinely excited and alive? What inspires and moves you? What fascinates you? Focus on these things, and they will surely expand to enrich your life.
Notice what dampens your enthusiasm. What are the thoughts that drive your fearful thinking? When you become aware of the thoughts that trigger your emotions and spin you into fear, anxiety or depression, you can exchange them for positive ones. Emotions are driven by thoughts, not the other way around.
Notice how much you learn from your mistakes. There is no failure in life; there is only learning. Cultivating this attitude will save you from repeating self-destructive behaviors. Adopting an open mind leads to learning and growth; it also allows you to let go of habitual defensiveness and fear because you increasingly act from self-awareness instead of ignorance.
Learn from other people. It has been said that smart people learn from their experiences; brilliant people learn from the experiences of others. When you appreciate the experiences of others, you do not need to repeat them for your own learning; instead, you can avoid pitfalls and focus on optimal actions.
Get to know your inner world. You are the only companion you have for life. By getting to understand your own dreams, hopes and wishes, you’re able to support yourself in the best possible way to reach those goals while maintaining a sense of inner harmony.
Stay curious. Children are wonderful teachers because their minds are not cluttered with value judgments of good and bad. The more curiosity you cultivate about life, the more you will move out of judgment and into the field of possibilities from where miracles happen.
Your life is indeed your unique message and contribution to the world. Self-knowledge is the key to unlock that message so you can communicate most effectively with yourself, others and the world around you.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Sep 24, 2018 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Life skills, Mindfulness, Passion, Resilience, Spirituality
Do you wish you could stay strong when setbacks hit and things go wrong? If so, you’re not alone! Setbacks and disappointments are a part of life, but learning how to effectively deal with them, can help to strengthen us from within.
When faced with setbacks, disappointments and stagnation, the first thing to do is not to fight back harder, but to step back and regain perspective before proceeding. This may feel counterproductive at first, but it is vitally important.
When we get so focused that we see things as black and white, good or bad, we can get boxed into rigidity. Truth is, life consist of an entire spectrum of possibilities, rather than just two choices. Stepping back and refocusing opens our minds to more ways of seeing and acting in life.
It does not always require a major shift; even a small tweak can make a difference. Just step back and shift your perspective enough to include one more way of looking at that situation. Is it really true that you are the only actor responsible for creating a desired outcome? It may be more accurate to say you represent one of many conditions that need to come together for something to unfold.
Even when we put our best into something, the outcome might not be what we expected. There may be very strong messages from inside and around us telling us that the outcome is the most important thing, yet that is a limited perspective. The outcome is less important than cultivating our capacity to be with whatever is, even when it is not at all what we have wished for.
This means learning to be okay with not knowing, with not being able to control the outcome. We continue to practice and train our ability to at peace within, and we don’t take the outcome personally.
This is at the heart of authentic spiritual work: it includes both being and doing; awareness as well as the discipline of application. What keeps us pliable in this often challenging process, is the attitude of gratitude.
Gratitude is not dependent on external circumstances. We don’t feel gratitude just because everything is going great, although that’s important to acknowledge. We especially need to practice gratitude when things are not going the way we want them to. It’s when things go wrong, that we are faced with deeper attachments and desires that often masquerade as needs.
To stay flexible, we need to practice gratitude anyhow; similar to the concept of “hallelujah anyhow” that is often heard in black churches; giving thanks and finding gratitude not because of our circumstances, but despite them.
The challenge is to stay in a receptive, open place, not fighting against what’s happening, but digging deeper within to live from our core values, to be the difference we wish to see in the world, and to lead by example in making a difference despite the setbacks we may face. It requires us to dig deep and keep showing up, doing our best with the resources and gifts that we ourselves have been given to make this world a better place.
And when our best is not sufficient to change things around yet, we entrust the outcomes to a Higher hand and we stay the course with compassion for ourselves and others. Once conditions are appropriate, the outcomes will be sure. In the meantime, the work remains because living from our true core and purpose is the only meaningful way to live. Even when conditions are not yet appropriate for optimal outcomes to show up, we can say “hallelujah” anyhow, and stay the course.
Setbacks and delays are part of life’s reality, and they are fully workable. Our practice is to not pull away from the dissonance, not to withdraw from what we are faced with; and in that place where commitment and discipline meet the obstacles, our souls learn resilience and strength.
This is true especially when you feel outnumbered and alone. Don’t get locked into the duality of blame and shame! You cannot be successful by feeding what you are fighting, so when you reach this point, step back and regroup!
Do something good instead. Recognize that we need the shadow to show us the light, and navigate by forgiving the limitations of the shadow and finding a way to shine the light.
One of the biggest pitfalls in our society is the way in which personal preferences are mislabeled as needs. People often attempt to manipulate others by presenting their emotional preferences as needs, and then demanding these “needs” be met. Listen to individuals for a day and you’ll notice how often this is used to manipulate: “I need you to be quiet now,” “I need you to listen to me,” “I need you to do this right now,” and the list goes on.
In reality, these statements confuse emotional preferences with needs. They are indicative of misappropriate use of the limbic brain, where needs and preferences are often confused in early childhood. Adults who get stuck in this dysfunctional behavior, create a lot of chaos for themselves and others.
An emotional “need” is not the same as the biological need for oxygen, food and shelter; it is simply a preference. In fact, psychologist Steven Stosny identifies only one valid emotional need for adults, and that is to act consistently on deeper values.
When we consistently act from our deeper values, all the emotional preferences that parade as important needs, will either be satisfied as a byproduct of meaningful living, or they will drop away as unimportant in the bigger lens of living a purposeful life.
The best way to attain the life you want to have, is to approach it from the perspective of living it in alignment with your deeper values and meaning, not from emotional preferences masquerading as “needs.”
When you do that, you will find your roots digging deeper so you can stay strong when things go wrong.
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©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
