by Ada Porat | Mar 27, 2022 | Conscious living, Empowering changes, Mindfulness, Peace, Personal growth, Spirituality
Photo credit: Alex Pavlou, Unsplash
“Anyone can build a house of wood and bricks, but the Buddha taught that that is not our real home. Our real home is inner peace.” – Ajahn Chah
How can we possibly experience inner peace at a time when humanity and our planet appear to be tumbling deeper into chaos? Can inner peace even co-exist with chaos?
I believe the answer is Yes!
In fact, spiritual practices such as mindfulness and the ancient wisdom teachings show us how to cultivate inner peace in any situation.
The only time we have is the present now; tomorrow is not guaranteed. This present moment, therefore, is the perfect and only time where we can find inner peace. This inner peace, which is also known as equanimity in Buddhism, cannot be found in the outside world. And yet, the potential for inner peace exists in the mind and heart of every individual, so each one of us can learn how to create the inner conditions for experiencing lasting peace within.
One of the perennial wisdom teachings encourages us to view peace as the result of letting go: letting go of clingy attachment as well as letting go of its opposite, which is aversive resistance.
The process of letting go is simple, but not necessarily easy to practice. It requires self-discipline. And so, we tend to shop around for easier ways toward peace, running the risk of getting confused by external voices promising instant bliss and freedom from the human condition.
You see, random information without context leads to overwhelm and confusion. Instead, we need to discern what is truly useful for us at any given time. We also need to distinguish between the loud presence of random information and the gentle presence of inner equanimity, because that is how we liberate the mind. In the presence of equanimity, the mind is not hijacked by attachment or aversion.
Equanimity further grows when we recognize that all things are inherently neutral; it is simply our thinking that bestows meaning on things so we can then either attach to them or resist them. It is not the facts, but the stories about the facts, that hijack our minds into value judgments and rigid positions.
In Buddhist tradition, equanimity is seen as a central quality present in beings who have developed deep inner wisdom and alignment with truth, free from hostility and ego will.
Equanimity relates to inner poise and balance because it rests in a place of non-attachment; centered between attraction and repulsion. It poises in a calm place of neither clinging to nor pushing away from things. Finding that neutral resting place within offers us a higher perspective over issues rather than getting stuck in the egoic interpretation of what’s happening. The more we develop equanimity, then, the more inner peace and spaciousness we experience in life.
Each one of us can develop more equanimity by practicing mindfulness in our lives on a daily basis and using an inner inquiry process to help us unpack emotions as they arise. Here are five steps to help with the process:
1. Set a clear intention to stay mindful
Setting a clear intention reminds us to step out of the ego identification of attachment and aversion; story-making and drama. It is the first step in cultivating true inner awareness.
2. Recognize the triggers
When a trigger arises, we may try to avoid feeling our emotions around it. Instead, we may distract ourselves with shopping or work, or we may attempt to numb our emotions with food or other substances. If we truly want to discharge the impact of the trigger, we absolutely need to become aware and look at it. Sometimes, the simple act of clearly seeing allows our reaction to the trigger to dissolve so we can replace it with equanimity.
3. Become curious
When we feel lost in reactions of anger and frustration to triggers, it is helpful to recognize that there is a desire hidden there, way beneath the frustration or anger. There may be attachment to a wishful outcome, or a craving for safety and security. It can be helpful to ask questions about where the attachment or aversion came from, what it is attempting to accomplish and what needs to be done with it to help us dissolve inner dissonance. We can also investigate the ways in which we distract ourselves to avoid feeling pain or avoid accepting reality.
4. Let go of attachment and aversion
By bringing compassionate awareness to these inner emotions and processes, we can separate out truth from our colored interpretation. Next, we need to ask ourselves if we are willing to let go:
- Am I willing to let go of control?
- Am I willing to let go of my attachment or aversion to what showed up in the past or in my present?
- Am I willing to let go of the way I think things should be?
- Am I willing to let go of resisting what is?
- Can I simply let go and allow things to be as they are
5. Embrace peace
Letting go of attachments and aversions offers us the opportunity to return to our innate state of peace. As we let go of these things, we create space for equanimity.
Equanimity is the final result of this deep inquiry process that helps us dissolve inner dissonance, become aware of areas where we are distracting ourselves, and come back into proper alignment with truth and peace within, free from attachment and aversion.
After practicing this inner inquiry, simply bask in the stillness of awareness, allowing the radiant heart and mind spaces to open. Allow life to unfold in its fullness, expanding and contract with each heartbeat of life so you can know the peace of observing all without attachment, and in so doing, find inner peace.
About The Author:
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jun 21, 2021 | Conscious living, Environment, Gratitude, Mindfulness
Photo Credit: David Clode, Unsplash
Sometimes life calls us to slow down a bit and step aside, to quiet the endless chatter of our minds and the demands of our outer world, and to become still.
We are invited to notice the Divine nature of everything around us. In that stillness, we come to acknowledge the beauty of song and the vulnerability of our wounds, the magic of the seeming insignificant and the terror of the unknown. We find grace to tend our needs and return to our center.
And once we have been renewed, we bring the message back to others who, in turn, can shake themselves awake and look at life in new ways – as if for the very first time.
It does not matter what brought you here, or which path stripped away your protective layers to leave you trembling before the awe of life. You are here now, and so I would like to share with you a vision of things that touch our hearts.
I want to gift you a glimpse of the intricate and miraculous web of life and watch the recognition light up your eyes. I want to share with you the grace of a few small things and stir the deep memory of endless opportunities to love despite the vastness of an incomprehensible universe.
Today, I awoke to the symphony of birds whose names I’ll never know and marveled at the incredible complexity of their harmonies as they exuberantly welcomed the arrival of a bright new day. It spoke to me of joy.
In the street, parents walked their children to the park, small hands swallowed up by theirs, smiling as they inclined their heads to hear stories bubbling from those rosy lips and downy cheeks, excited at the possibilities of a new day, and it spoke to me of hope.
I remembered the way the red hen hunched down and spread her wings so her baby chicks could find shelter from the rain as they huddled beneath her breast, and I felt love.
After the rain, the fern at the base of the stairs finally succeeded in breaking through the stony cracks to unfurl its tiny fronds to warm sunlight, and it reminds me of courage.
The way young people lean eagerly, expectantly into their future even when they don’t know what it holds, and it speaks of confidence.
And the way the old dog stretches out to let the morning sun warm its stiff joints, surrendering to each present moment.
And the way the car hesitates for a moment before the gear engages, reminding me of my own doubts.
And the way the grackles peck at the oranges in the trees, carefully grooming themselves with the oils and then announcing their gleaming handiwork with loud caws before flying off to what they do next. And I am reminded that self-nurture precedes all service.
And the way a sentence can leap right off the page to pierce your heart with its honesty and truth, so you need to stop for a minute to experience the awe and beauty of it.
And the way you sometimes glimpse someone in a vulnerable moment and see right inside them to the soul that’s there, and your heart wells with compassion and love for its innocence.
Yes, I know there is a lot of pain and suffering in our world. Good things end and bad things linger on, we fail and struggle and get hurt, hammered by loss and accident and tragedy until, someday, we are freed to slip away into the darkness beyond it all.
But I also know we carry awesome potential, and our experiences can make us kinder and more loving if we let them. I know we can choose how we respond to life: either dismissing dissonance as nonsense and huddling behind walls or embracing things that touch our hearts, even when we do not understand their full meaning.
Life speaks to us in a myriad of ways that cannot be measured or understood unless we listen carefully, and then are able to accept the messages of love, courage and hope. When we honor the grace of small things, life can be a beautiful dialogue with our souls.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Apr 27, 2021 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Life transitions, Mindfulness, Peace, Self-awareness, Spirituality
Photo credit: Hans Vivek, Unsplash
In a world forever changed by recent events, we are challenged daily with the need to restore and maintain inner peace in the midst of outer dissonance. And dissonance is everywhere. Perhaps the novelty of staying home has worn off. Or perhaps the world we are re-emerging into, is not the same as the world we left behind and does not resonate well. Distractions we may have previously used to soothe ourselves during difficult experiences have lost their sheen.
We may try to meditate to reclaim our inner sense of peace, but once off the cushion the reality of circumstances brings us right back to anxiety or irritability. It is perfectly natural to seek relief from these dissonant conditions. And yet, true relief is found not in distraction, aversion or judgment of the outer dissonance; it is found by changing the way we respond to these.
Inner peace does not require us to resist dissonant circumstances or flee from them; instead, it lies in finding a way to coexist with the very things that do not resonate with us.
Deeper wisdom requires us to learn how to be with discomfort. To paraphrase Pema Chodron, one of the greatest misunderstandings of the human mind is thinking that true relief comes from making ourselves more comfortable. The truth is exactly the opposite!
When our efforts to soothe ourselves or avoid external dissonance fail, we are actually ready for a more lasting solution. This is the perfect opportunity to find inner peace in the midst of outer dissonance. We can indeed maintain a sense of tranquility within despite the chaos without, because we have complete control over what we focus on.
Instead of resisting or fleeing outer dissonance, we start changing our response by using the dissonance as an opportunity to become more aware within. We turn towards our internal sensations of discomfort and become intimate with them.
What does it feel like when our outer world appears chaotic, and there’s little relief in sight? What happens when we stop running and allow ourselves to listen to what lies beneath the surface? How do we feel when we move our attention away from the outer dissonance and center within instead? Asking ourselves questions such as these help us to become more present to the eternal nature of consciousness in this present moment.
As we inquire within, we’ll likely find all kinds of mixed emotions at first – our own disavowed, wounded, disenfranchised and wronged parts. These are the orphaned aspects of our being that drive us to look for an external scapegoat or a way to avenge ourselves by projecting our pent-up pain and anger onto others. These aspects may even twist the truth to reinforce our habitual narrative of wounding or victimization.
When we turn within and become aware of these wounded aspects within us, we finally touch on the potential for healing and peace. It is by acknowledging the darkness residing within, that we start to cultivate true honesty with all the aspects of ourselves. And it is in recognizing the discomfort, pain and anxiety within ourselves, that we cultivate compassion for ourselves and all other beings.
This process brings us to the realization that we are all connected at some level. Interconnection becomes a way of being and is no longer just theoretical. We start to understand the statement by Pogo the possum in the Walt Kelly cartoon when he said: “We’ve met the enemy, and he is us.” We recognize that there is good in the worst of us, and bad in the best of us. And we develop compassion for both ourselves and others.
This openness to our own experience makes us more capable of opening to others. We experience less need to turn away from the underbelly of life – both in ourselves and in others. Instead of judging dissonance and weakness while separating ourselves from it, we can look at it with compassion. We become more honest and at ease with our own disenfranchised aspects – getting to know their true nature – and so have greater capacity to meet others there, too. This is the path to true and lasting inner peace.
There are two primary ways we can develop this ability to find inner peace, regardless of outer circumstances: We can learn to remain connected to inner peace regardless of external dissonance; and we can use aversion practice to lessen our habitual reactivity.
By aligning with the deep, unchanging peace that underlies all experience, we become more resilient to the outer dissonance on the surface of life. Instead of labeling and resisting, we can learn to be with discomfort. We learn to refrain from the habit of labeling and judging everything outside our comfort zone, and to simply be with what is. Over time, we learn that we are limitless consciousness, subject only to what we focus on or hold in mind. That is a superpower!
Here is one way of doing it: In your meditation, try sitting 15 minutes without moving. When uncomfortable sensations arise (an itch on your leg, a pinch in your hip), rather than shifting to alleviate it, stay still. In this moment of discomfort, open up to the sensation and allow yourself to relax into it. Notice what happens as you do this. Observe the thoughts and reactions that arise in your mind, yet do not judge or react to them. Simply observe the discomfort and see it as an opportunity to discover something new – your innate capacity to be with discomfort and remain neutral. The more you expand this capacity to remain neutral in the presence of something dissonant and uncomfortable, the more you will be able to honor your inner peace regardless of circumstances.
The second exercise deals with desensitizing your conditioned aversion response. Think of one small thing you don’t like: A smell, a taste, a sound, or a texture. For some it may be the taste of onion, for others the booming music from a neighbor. Pick one. When it appears, rather than pulling away, turn towards it. Put a small slice of onion on your tongue and get curious about the flavor. Or sit right beneath the booming bass and allow its rhythm to play across your mind and body. Whatever your disliked issue is, see what happens when you stop, turn towards it, open up, and invite it in.
As you do that, you will discover different aspects of it to tease apart, turning your distaste into curiosity. With practice, your consciousness will be able to use the very dissonance as a portal to move deeper within until you are able to rest in your core of peace, regardless of outer triggers.
Finding inner peace in the presence of outer dissonance is a powerful practice to help us remain calm, regardless of the tumult in our outer world. It strengthens our inner ability to navigate life without clinging to or resisting the changing scenery and to walk straight ahead, no matter what shows up!
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jan 28, 2021 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Photo: Unsplash, Self-awareness, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Michael Rodick, Unsplash
During this time of great upheaval on the planet, it is essential to tap into your true discernment – your superpower at this time.
As old structures which fed on fake values crumble, it is quite predictable that people would look for some sense of certainty. It’s equally predictable that so many are attempting to fill your imagination with scary visions, angry emotions and toxic paranoia, only to then peddle their ego-based solutions. Discerning truth from falsehood is not only helpful; it is essential for survival.
It is wise to remember that during these times, none of us will be saved by some strong leader, powerful guru or religious savior. We are the ones that we’ve been waiting for. We are on the planet now because we answered the call to lead the way forward, to embody the change we wish to see and to create a better world from the inside out. We are called to walk this path with eyes wide open, listening to the guidance of our Higher discernment as it speaks through that still, small voice within to competently lead us along every twist and turn of our true destiny.
The coming months and years will be ripe with opportunities to lay the foundation for a new world that actually honors the magnificence of the human soul. On this heroic journey, true spiritual discernment is your superpower that will not fail you.
Before new foundations can be laid, the old, dysfunctional ego-driven processes need to be excavated and removed. It is a messy time, and we are in hard-hat territory. The old is dying away with all its corruption and ugliness in full display.
That is why we need to learn how to fully embody Higher discernment and truth; allowing our truth to emerge from within and not from any of the sources operating on the astral highway of electronic disinformation. The only Source that can teach us how to fully embody truth, peace or compassion, is Presence. Aligning with Presence and learning to discern from that sacred space instead of from the ego self, is essential to surviving and thriving now.
What is important is not our mental accomplishments and understanding; it is not the number of workshops we have attended or the number of books we’ve read; it is not even about the important names we have learned from or our family pedigree; it is completely, only about remembering who we truly are as eternal souls, and operating from that core integrity.
Personal integrity is a prerequisite for appropriately functioning discernment.
What is your true nature? How well have you neutralized the stranglehold of ego and purified your beliefs? How effectively are you living from your inner truth rather than the outer dictates of the society around you? How much of your Higher nature is embodied in your daily life to inform your choices and experiences?
If your true nature only shows up when you have a positive experience or are in the presence of a resonant group, you are not yet operating from embodied truth. You need to learn how to embody truth at all times, wherever you are. And embodied truth grows as we cultivate more Higher discernment.
Consistent, ongoing personal purification and transformation are the core principles that will transform your mind and emotions, and expand the function of Higher discernment in your life. There are no shortcuts to embodied spirituality!
Your true nature now and always is wise, pure and whole; the work lies in letting go of illusions and lies, both within and without. And that process requires inner responsibility and self-inquiry.
Self-inquiry is at the core of all true spiritual growth.
Only when we question the source of our individual emotions and drives, can we let go of what no longer serves, learn to recognize core truth and fully embody it. This work is at the heart of true spirituality, regardless of the spiritual path you choose.
Self-inquiry as pathway to embody Higher truth requires all our intention, all our commitment, and all our presence to bring awareness to the dross of social conditioning and to dissolve the dynamics of ego. That is how we become aware of what is really happening beneath the surface, both in ourselves and in the world around us, so we can make appropriate choices and embody Eternal truth in physical life. It is a continuous process without an endpoint; endless, fluid and potentially transformative. This process of self-inquiry facilitates the great work of purification which is necessary as long as we are in the body. It is a requirement for spiritual life, and an essential prerequisite for all who wish to access Higher discernment, wisdom, and truth.
I am reminded of Deepak Chopra’s words on the topic: “The busyness at the surface of our lives, are a distraction to the deeper work of soul-making.” And the range of options available today to distract ourselves from this deeper work, is endless!
At the same time, we need access to Higher discernment more than ever now! As we swim in the very waters of change permeating life at this time, we need to learn how to distinguish between truth and falsehood, between Spirit and ego, between content and context, between inductive and deductive reasoning, between our unconscious drives and our conscious choices.
Simply being against something is not enough to serve as a basis for positive change and transformation. It is necessary to identify what each one of us values at our core, and then to orient toward that by taking positive action steps.
When we orient only around our personal experience and preferences, we function in a closed universe of limitation that will eventually sabotage us or lead us astray. That is why it is so important to question our drives, beliefs and fears, even as we remain open to other viewpoints, insights and ideas.
We live in an interconnected world where separation and exclusivity no longer serves the greater good; those actions belong to the limiting specialness of the ego’s domain. We need to understand the profound truth that we are on a collective journey, and as long as we divide to conquer, we will hamper the evolution of the collective.
To thrive in this world now, we need to think inclusively: we need to balance our personal choices with the demands of the greater life flow in which we find ourselves. We need to find balance between the individual and the collective, between self and others – whenever we focus on simply one aspect of polarity, we will get sucked back into duality consciousness to find ourselves pulled out of alignment with Higher truth and discernment.
Thriving in the emerging new world also requires courage and faith. Fighting or avoiding the darkness does not work. Instead of fighting the dark or isolating ourselves in a smug spiritual blankie, we are asked to purify our minds from the viruses of half-truths and lies that permeate the astral domain of technology; we are required to embody whatever we fully resonate with, and we are challenged to embrace and embody the change we wish to see on this planet. We need to nourish an authentic vision of the world we desire to be part of, and then fully embody that energy.
To shake off the old shackles of duality consciousness and go free, we also need to forgive ourselves and the whole world around us for not being perfect. We need to search for and embrace nuggets of truth that resonate with our exquisitely calibrated inner compass, dismissing the surrounding dross without engaging in judgment or fear.
Finally, to thrive and fulfill our purpose in this time of turbulence and change, we need to cultivate true, Higher discernment.
Differentiating between fearful fantasies and authentic, accurate discernment is one of the greatest spiritual powers you can possibly develop. Take time to observe how true discernment emerges from the wise, loving core of your being like a slow-motion fountain of warmth. Fearful fantasies, on the other hand, drain your energy and cloud your judgment. They drive you with obsessive urges to run and hide or take desperate, impulsive action. There’s more to it but here is the gist: emotions that accompany Higher discernment are never alienating. They will never make you feel superior to others or fill you with hatred and terror – that comes from ego.
Higher discernment may rouse your anger, yet is not destructive: it ultimately leads to clarity and constructive action. True discernment may show you difficult truths, yet always does so with guidance on how to deal gracefully and courageously with that difficult truth. It may reveal imminent issues that compel you to make necessary changes, yet always does so in an empowering way.
True discernment is not Pollyannaish and does not indulge in spiritual bypassing. It will not cover up truth or falsely promise that everything will be fine, and it won’t mislead you to think you’ll be able to continue without making changes.
Instead, it will serve as your inner compass to alert you to changes, hidden dynamics, and where you need to embrace transformation to deepen your inner life. It speaks quietly, and therefore requires you to tame the monkey mind so you can receive Higher truth which emerges with calm and clarity, not in a cacophony of fear.
True discernment reveals the path from your soul’s point of view, not your ego’s. It is the voice of your inner guidance system, which happens to be the Divine part of you. It is your superpower!
These times require a universal leap of trust from everyone on the earth plane. Cultivate your superpower of true discernment, do your best and give God the rest; and together, we will take this leap into the hereto unknown to create a better world for everyone.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Nov 18, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Nadir Syzygy, Unsplash
Life as we knew it, is going through some enormous shifts at every level. This can be uncomfortable, even scary, especially when we focus our attention on external matters.
Fortunately, the external world is the world of effects; all true change happens from the non-physical Field of energy. As awakened beings, we have the ability to direct our focus to this unified, benevolent Force Field and to let our alignment serve as a conduit for the flow of Life Force to create optimal outcomes in the world around us.
This is our privilege and our mandate. Living as awakened beings asks us to recognize that we are the culture carriers of an emerging new world, no matter how unimportant we may seem in the larger scheme of things.
The currency of this emerging new world is not money, but consciousness. It is the level of consciousness we embody, that will enable us to create optimal outcomes for ourselves, our loved ones and the future. The higher our embodied level of consciousness, the higher the outcomes we can create.
Each moment of each day, we contribute to the field of consciousness, from where possibilities and probabilities can emerge when critical mass is reached.
We can contribute to the creation of optimal realities only to the extent we embody awakened consciousness. None of us can create outcomes at levels higher than our embodied consciousness.
That means we need to discipline our thoughts, for our thoughts direct the energy flow. All creative activity starts with this inner work because as within, so without. We cannot create outside of ourselves that which we are not in alignment with.
It reminds me of a talk the Dalai Lama gave about world peace, and someone questioned how we could ever accomplish world peace with so much conflict around us. The Dalai Lama’s response was: “Today, you can have peace in the world if you commit to become the peace you seek in the world. If each one of you reaches out with forgiveness and compassion to the one person you react to the most; the one person you most judge, hate or despise, you will have laid a stone on the path of world peace.“
Peace starts with each one of us. And if we wish to build a more peaceful world, we need to learn how to control our reactivity.
Everyone experiences different triggers: for some it is the news, for others politics, or the fear of what could happen, or the demands of others, or frustration over external setbacks or events. You may simply be aware of having a hair-trigger anger or impatience, which represents your individual reactivity to triggers.
Once you recognize the triggers that get to you, you can learn to use them as opportunities for awakening more fully and disciplining your mind.
Your state of consciousness is your most valuable asset in awakening. By becoming conscious of your specific reactivity triggers, you can use those triggers to awaken more fully instead of feeding the ego with reactivity. You can use every triggering situation as part of your spiritual practice to move deeper into Truth.
Most of us don’t like conflict. We seek harmony and when there are too many conflicting triggers around, we ‘lose’ it. Yet dissonance is an integral part of life; the key to inner peace lies not in trying to avoid triggers, but in learning to use them as a way to become more conscious, more awake and more aware.
Every trigger in your life – annoying people, political infighting, COVID constraints, and even the nagging of your children or the traffic noises, offer you lessons in disguise. Instead of feeding the ego with reactivity, you can take advantage of each trigger as an opportunity for growth.
External situations teach us to focus on the one thing that matters: inner peace. Amid outer clamor and drama, we can move our awareness past the ego’s resistance and reactivity to focus on the deep inner peace at the center of everything. This is our primary work as awakened beings; when we no longer feed ego reactivity, we become instruments for peace on earth.
We transform our own reactivity with conscious awareness, awakened choice and disciplined repetition.
As soon as you recognize a trigger arising, you are already in the driver seat. You remember that you have a choice. You can choose to react or you can shift your focus to the observer within, where Eternal peace prevails.
When you recognize anger or frustration arising within, choose to focus not on resisting the present moment or reacting to it. Instead, consciously move your awareness within to find the presence of Eternal Peace beneath the surface there.
If you ‘lose it’ emotionally and lash out or react, it simply means that you momentarily lost conscious awareness and became unconscious.
When you first set about working on reactivity, you may lose it and only recognize that you had become reactive after it happens. Disciplined awareness will help you to stay conscious in the midst of triggers, and you will increasingly maintain awareness that you can choose how to respond.
Do not be discouraged when you lose it and become unconscious; some of our unconscious behaviors have been ingrained for lifetimes. This is why it is so difficult for societies to acknowledge their shadow and to work with it.
By noticing how we have turned away from truth and become unconscious, we may experience guilt, shame or fear, which simply adds another of layer of reactivity to the mix. And when we project that emotion outward because it is too uncomfortable to face, we not only feed the ego instead of the soul; we feed divisiveness and become a part of the problem.
Staying conscious requires you to have compassion for yourself. Recognize that when you choose to become spiritually unconscious, you are feeding the ego with reactivity and harming yourself. Compassion allows you to simply acknowledge when you fall short, and resolve to remain fully conscious the next time around.
Self-discipline brings incremental empowerment. The next time a trigger arises, you may notice that you remained aware for a longer time before losing it. By recognizing that you lost it, you are increasing your awareness. Each time you are triggered, your growing awareness empowers you to stay alert so you do go unconscious and feed the ego with reactivity.
Cultivating conscious awareness is the key to moving through the gamut of daily triggers without losing your peace or feeding the ego. Stabilize your consciousness in your inner observer awareness; it will remind you that every trigger offers you a choice. By choosing to align with Higher awareness within, you will gradually detach from the tyranny of the ego and remain at peace.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jul 22, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Life skills, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-awareness
Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to difficult emotions such as anxiety and shame. It is a portable form of therapy that can be applied anywhere.
Many people think of self-compassion as a weak trait and shun it in their effort to act tough. And yet, self-compassion is hugely important to help us learn and grow.
It allows us to become more resilient because we accept the inherent possibility of both failure and success in all areas of life, instead of resisting it. Through the lens of self-compassion, we recognize that both failure and success are part of the process of life. Instead of hardening our stance in the face of setbacks, this recognition helps us to accept ourselves and our best effort as good enough in each moment. Even when we fail, self-compassion gives us the courage to try again.
The aspect of ourselves that judges, blames or shames ourselves or others, will be the slowest in evolving. Our least evolved parts are usually stuck in basic survival instincts, including excessive self-criticism, fear, hatred and shame.
By healing this within us, we are able to fully evolve.
Whenever we feel threatened by something outside ourselves, we automatically revert back to the primal fight/freeze/flight response for protection and safety. We lash out, self-isolate or avoid confrontation instead of learning how to effectively deal with challenges.
When danger is experienced on the inside, we go a step further: we internalize the fight/freeze/flight response and instead judge, blame or abandon ourselves. We devolve toward self-criticism, isolation and stuckness – the unholy trinity of woundedness.
A good case in point is the anxiety that many people experience around public speaking. According to psychologist and mindfulness practitioner Dr. Chris Germer, a public speaking anxiety is not an anxiety disorder; it is a shame disorder. At the root of the anxiety that causes us to fear failure or to choke up, lies deep shame.
When we internalize our shame, we create anxiety.
Self-compassion dissolves this excessive shame and self-criticism to bring balance thru self-love. In essence, the practice of self-compassion allows us to hold ourselves in the midst of shame, acknowledging that we are all imperfect beings and embracing ourselves nonetheless.
Many of us extend compassion toward others, yet have difficulty in holding compassion toward ourselves. We can be compassionate to others because we don’t feel immediately threatened by their challenges.
And yet, healthy self-compassion is a necessary prerequisite to master before we can offer true compassion to others.
Why is it so difficult for us to develop self-compassion?
Self-compassion is not our first response at the instinctual level of survival; it is a skill we need to develop from a spiritual perspective if we wish to break free from living at basic levels of survival and evolve into our fullest potential. Old conditioning of self-judgment, unworthiness and shame also make it difficult for us to practice self-compassion and block our growth. To continue evolving, it becomes essential for us to address these emotions.
Self-compassion can be seen as a melting of the heart in the face of difficulty – stepping out of judgment and into compassion devoid of judgment for ourselves or others. It allows the lower, denser emotions to dissolve in the higher frequencies of compassion and love.
When the heart starts to soften around an issue, we will re-experience some of the same emotions previously triggered by conditions: shame, guilt, pain, grief, disappointment and more. And yet, as we learn how to hold that space of compassion for ourselves, we become strong enough to hold our pain as well. By becoming present and acknowledging these buried emotions, they can finally dissolve so we can let go of woundedness in our lives.
Self-compassion gives us the capacity to hold ourselves in love while we process old pain differently and resolve it, instead of staying stuck in a dysfunctional coping mechanism. This practice allows us to become stronger and more resilient, and we grow in grace.
Even as life continues to offer us emotional triggers, our growing ability for self-compassion and understanding empowers us to hold that safe space of compassion for ourselves. It allows us to see ourselves as a work in process, holding our struggles and the messiness of our lives in compassion. I believe this is what pioneering psychologist Carl Rogers meant when he said: “When I accept myself just as I am, I can begin to change.”
Self-compassion becomes easier with practice. It develops our ability to extend compassion and forgiveness to all forms of life, and to offer more life-expanding love to others. Ultimately, it connects us intimately to the abundantly rich wellspring life.
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence; it means treating ourselves with the same care, love and support we would give another.
This inner stance allows us to ask ourselves what we need and then giving that to ourselves. It allows us to recognize that all people are imperfect – including us – and to admit that in ourselves at the very moment we feel we’re failing. It gives us the grace to accept what is instead of getting stuck in resistance and denial.
At the core of self-compassion lies mindfulness – observing things as they happen and being willing to stay present with difficult emotions. Mindfulness is a wonderful practice because it teaches us how to step out of the drama and practice compassion toward ourselves and all sentient beings.
Lasting transformation comes not from just understanding the process of self-compassion, but putting it into practice as a personal way of living.
Here are a few guidelines to help you live from a place of self-compassion:
- When you find yourself failing or suffering, bring mindfulness to it – acknowledge that you are struggling to validate yourself.
- Remind yourself of the common humanity of the situation – this is not just you; it is part of all of life. Struggle is a part of life.
- Speak some words of kindness to yourself; comfort yourself and give yourself the encouragement that you would give your best friend.
- Cultivate the habit of practicing lovingkindness to yourself and all sentient beings in all circumstances – especially the challenging ones! An excellent place to start is with the Buddhist Lovingkindness prayer, one version of which you can find at Buddhagroove.
- Commit to a daily practice of self-compassion. In the flow of life, a self-compassionate response means honoring the pain of seeing what we’ve done; recognize difficult situations as areas in need of healing, acknowledging the experience and its related shame in love, and then opening our hearts with forgiveness and compassion in the midst of shame.
When more and more people commit to practicing self-compassion, we create a culture of kindness in which everyone can heal and grow. Together, we can become a force for healing in a broken world.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
