by Ada Porat | Nov 18, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Nadir Syzygy, Unsplash
Life as we knew it, is going through some enormous shifts at every level. This can be uncomfortable, even scary, especially when we focus our attention on external matters.
Fortunately, the external world is the world of effects; all true change happens from the non-physical Field of energy. As awakened beings, we have the ability to direct our focus to this unified, benevolent Force Field and to let our alignment serve as a conduit for the flow of Life Force to create optimal outcomes in the world around us.
This is our privilege and our mandate. Living as awakened beings asks us to recognize that we are the culture carriers of an emerging new world, no matter how unimportant we may seem in the larger scheme of things.
The currency of this emerging new world is not money, but consciousness. It is the level of consciousness we embody, that will enable us to create optimal outcomes for ourselves, our loved ones and the future. The higher our embodied level of consciousness, the higher the outcomes we can create.
Each moment of each day, we contribute to the field of consciousness, from where possibilities and probabilities can emerge when critical mass is reached.
We can contribute to the creation of optimal realities only to the extent we embody awakened consciousness. None of us can create outcomes at levels higher than our embodied consciousness.
That means we need to discipline our thoughts, for our thoughts direct the energy flow. All creative activity starts with this inner work because as within, so without. We cannot create outside of ourselves that which we are not in alignment with.
It reminds me of a talk the Dalai Lama gave about world peace, and someone questioned how we could ever accomplish world peace with so much conflict around us. The Dalai Lama’s response was: “Today, you can have peace in the world if you commit to become the peace you seek in the world. If each one of you reaches out with forgiveness and compassion to the one person you react to the most; the one person you most judge, hate or despise, you will have laid a stone on the path of world peace.“
Peace starts with each one of us. And if we wish to build a more peaceful world, we need to learn how to control our reactivity.
Everyone experiences different triggers: for some it is the news, for others politics, or the fear of what could happen, or the demands of others, or frustration over external setbacks or events. You may simply be aware of having a hair-trigger anger or impatience, which represents your individual reactivity to triggers.
Once you recognize the triggers that get to you, you can learn to use them as opportunities for awakening more fully and disciplining your mind.
Your state of consciousness is your most valuable asset in awakening. By becoming conscious of your specific reactivity triggers, you can use those triggers to awaken more fully instead of feeding the ego with reactivity. You can use every triggering situation as part of your spiritual practice to move deeper into Truth.
Most of us don’t like conflict. We seek harmony and when there are too many conflicting triggers around, we ‘lose’ it. Yet dissonance is an integral part of life; the key to inner peace lies not in trying to avoid triggers, but in learning to use them as a way to become more conscious, more awake and more aware.
Every trigger in your life – annoying people, political infighting, COVID constraints, and even the nagging of your children or the traffic noises, offer you lessons in disguise. Instead of feeding the ego with reactivity, you can take advantage of each trigger as an opportunity for growth.
External situations teach us to focus on the one thing that matters: inner peace. Amid outer clamor and drama, we can move our awareness past the ego’s resistance and reactivity to focus on the deep inner peace at the center of everything. This is our primary work as awakened beings; when we no longer feed ego reactivity, we become instruments for peace on earth.
We transform our own reactivity with conscious awareness, awakened choice and disciplined repetition.
As soon as you recognize a trigger arising, you are already in the driver seat. You remember that you have a choice. You can choose to react or you can shift your focus to the observer within, where Eternal peace prevails.
When you recognize anger or frustration arising within, choose to focus not on resisting the present moment or reacting to it. Instead, consciously move your awareness within to find the presence of Eternal Peace beneath the surface there.
If you ‘lose it’ emotionally and lash out or react, it simply means that you momentarily lost conscious awareness and became unconscious.
When you first set about working on reactivity, you may lose it and only recognize that you had become reactive after it happens. Disciplined awareness will help you to stay conscious in the midst of triggers, and you will increasingly maintain awareness that you can choose how to respond.
Do not be discouraged when you lose it and become unconscious; some of our unconscious behaviors have been ingrained for lifetimes. This is why it is so difficult for societies to acknowledge their shadow and to work with it.
By noticing how we have turned away from truth and become unconscious, we may experience guilt, shame or fear, which simply adds another of layer of reactivity to the mix. And when we project that emotion outward because it is too uncomfortable to face, we not only feed the ego instead of the soul; we feed divisiveness and become a part of the problem.
Staying conscious requires you to have compassion for yourself. Recognize that when you choose to become spiritually unconscious, you are feeding the ego with reactivity and harming yourself. Compassion allows you to simply acknowledge when you fall short, and resolve to remain fully conscious the next time around.
Self-discipline brings incremental empowerment. The next time a trigger arises, you may notice that you remained aware for a longer time before losing it. By recognizing that you lost it, you are increasing your awareness. Each time you are triggered, your growing awareness empowers you to stay alert so you do go unconscious and feed the ego with reactivity.
Cultivating conscious awareness is the key to moving through the gamut of daily triggers without losing your peace or feeding the ego. Stabilize your consciousness in your inner observer awareness; it will remind you that every trigger offers you a choice. By choosing to align with Higher awareness within, you will gradually detach from the tyranny of the ego and remain at peace.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Oct 23, 2020 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Resilience
Photo credit: Daniel Sessler, Unsplash
When we droop with fatigue, overwhelmed by the relentless pace of change, yet yearning for a better life, it is helpful to turn back to basics – hopefully a little wiser. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the heads up on a few things we may encounter along the way?
I sure could have used a few pointers along the way to smooth out the kinks! However, a huge range of life experience taught me some valuable lessons, and I am happy to share them. Here are eight insights from my personal playbook on surviving in this world of marvel and change. May it encourage, embolden and inspire you!
- You will pass from this life leaving an unfinished To Do list behind.
Shocking, isn’t it – and that despite your very best efforts every day! Today more than ever, there’s no reason to assume any fit between demands on your time – all the things you like to do or feel you ought to do – and the amount of time available. Thanks to capitalism, technology and human ambition, these demands keep increasing, while your capacities remain largely fixed. It follows that the attempt to clean up your To Do list is doomed.
The upside is that you need not berate yourself for failing to do it all, since doing it all is structurally impossible. The only viable solution is to make a shift: from a stressed-out rat race trying not to neglect anything, to a life intentionally lived and consciously choosing what to neglect in favor of what matters most.
- When stumped by a life choice, choose enlargement over happiness.
Jungian therapist James Hollis said that major personal decisions should be made not by asking, “Will this make me happy?” but “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?” We’re usually terrible at predicting what will make us happy: the issue quickly gets bogged down in our narrow preferences for security and control. Yet choosing enlargement elicits a deeper, intuitive response. You tend to know when leaving or staying in a relationship or a job, even though it might bring short-term security, would mean cheating yourself of growth.
- The capacity to tolerate minor discomfort is a superpower.
It’s shocking to realize how readily we set aside even our greatest ambitions in life, merely to avoid any level of unpleasantness. You already know it won’t kill you to endure the mild agitation of getting back to work on an important project, initiating a difficult conversation with someone, asking somebody out, committing to a workout routine, or checking your bank balance – yet you can waste years in avoidance! This is exactly why social media platforms flourish: they provide an instant, compelling distraction from reality where we can escape to at the first hint of unease.
Instead, you can truly empower yourself by gradually increasing your capacity for discomfort, similar to doing weight training. When you expect an action to bring up feelings of irritability, anxiety or boredom, you can stick to your commitment; let the feelings arise and fade while doing the right action anyway. Once you experience the rewards of tolerating discomfort, it will reinforce this path of walking straight ahead as a more appealing way to live.
- The advice you don’t want to hear is usually the advice you need.
I spent years fixating on becoming hyper-productive before I finally started wondering why I was staking so much of my self-worth on my productivity levels. What I needed wasn’t another personal goal, but asking more uncomfortable questions instead.
Yes, it isn’t fun to confront whatever emotional experiences you’re avoiding – if it were fun, you wouldn’t avoid them – so any advice that could really help is likely to make you uncomfortable, too. And that is okay! If you can muster up the courage to go where you really don’t want to, you may just break through to a deeper level of personal truth.
Be especially wary of celebrities offering advice in public forums: many of them pursue fame to fill an inner void, which tends not to work – so they are likely to be more troubled than you are and by the time you buy their snake oil, they’d have already moved on to the next gig.
Here is a bit of reverse psychology that does work: ask yourself what kind of practices strike you as intolerably cheesy or self-indulgent. Is it a gratitude journal, mindfulness meditation, or seeing a therapist? If you feel resistance rising, it might well mean that the very issue your ego is resisting, is the one worth pursuing.
- The future will never provide the reassurance you seek from it.
As the ancient Greek and Roman Stoics understood, much of our suffering arises from attempting to control what is not in our control. And the main thing we try but fail to control is the future. We want to know, from our vantage point in the present, that things will be OK later on. Yet we never can!
It’s wrong to say we live in especially uncertain times. The future is always uncertain; we’re simply very aware of it in current times.
No amount of fretting will ever alter this truth. Accept that certainty and it will set you free.
While we live in uncertain times, it is still useful to make plans. Make your plans with the awareness that a plan is only ever a present-moment statement of intent, not a lasso thrown around the future to bring it under control. The spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti said his secret for peace was simple: “I don’t mind what happens.” That does absolve you from trying to make life better for yourself or others. It just means not living each day anxiously braced to see if things work out as you hoped.
- The solution to imposter syndrome is to see that you are one.
In the current era of incompetent leadership, it is not possible to ignore corrupt governments and egocentric self-indulgence amid global threats of destruction to the point of extinction. Yet the way forward lies neither in complaining nor in passively accepting that we are all doomed.
I believe the answer lies in recognizing that you – unconfident, self-conscious, insecure, and all-too-aware-of-your-flaws – you potentially have as much to contribute to your field and to the world as anyone else.
Humanity is divided into two: on the one hand, those who are improvising their way through life, patching solutions together and putting out fires as they go, but deluding themselves by arguing for their limitations; and on the other, those doing exactly the same, except that they know it. It’s infinitely better to apply yourself and accept your failures and successes both as intrinsic parts of life.
Remember, the reason you can’t hear other people’s inner monologues of self-doubt is not because they don’t have them. It’s simply because you only have access to your own mind!
- Selflessness is overrated.
We respectable types, and women especially, are raised to think a life well spent means helping others – and plenty of self-help gurus stand ready to affirm for a price that generosity and sacrifice are the way to happiness. There’s truth here, but it generally gets tangled up with exploitation of deep-seated issues of guilt and self-esteem.
If you think you should be doing more, that’s probably a sign that you should direct more energy toward your true passions and ambitions. As Buddhist teacher Susan Piver said, it feels radical to ask how we’d enjoy spending an hour or day of discretionary time – yet the irony is that you don’t actually benefit anyone else by suppressing your true passions anyway. Instead of being disciplined about hating on yourself to get things done, try being disciplined about remaining close to what brings you joy. It takes a lot of courage, actually.
- Know when to move on.
And then, finally, there’s knowing when something that meant a great deal to you has reached its natural endpoint. All things in life come to an end, both the good and the bad. Your most empowering response is not to bewail the ending or unfairness of it all, or to hang on for dear life until your claw marks scar the very thing you loved most as life pulls it away from you. Your most creative choice in the face of endings, is to let go and to turn to what is next. The rest of life awaits, both for you and for me!
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | May 27, 2020 | Cope with change, Empowering changes, Faith, Fear and anxiety, Life transitions, Personal growth, Spirituality
COVID-19 changed our world: yours, and mine, and everybody else’s. Life as we knew it, is no more. Moreover, there is no going back. The past is irrevocably over; we are called on to create a brave new paradigm of life.
To move forward, we need to let go of things outside ourselves that we cannot control, and take charge of our inner reality, which is completely in our hands. We also need to act in mature ways to support wise choices. Let’s look at how to get from here to there.
What is it you need most now? What do you wish to see in your world? How do you intend to participate to bring that about?
Despite months of turmoil and upheaval, the totality of life remains filled with possibilities and probabilities. Every challenging circumstance contains seeds of possibility for us to tap into and create more optimal outcomes from the inside out.
Everybody responds differently to change: some are awakening to their true soul identity, others are grieving their losses, and yet others are huddling in denial for lack of knowing what to do. Some may even look for a way to return to the past because they don’t know how to cope with a world that has irretrievably changed.
Trying to resuscitate the past is not helpful. We cannot go back to yesterday or the life we lived ten years ago. Life happens in this present moment, and it is the choices made in each present moment, that will create a sustainable future for us all.
We all feel the enormous impact of irreversible change that has swept around the globe. None of us knows exactly how our lives will be different by the end of this year. We simply know that it will be different in more ways we can imagine. There are no iron-clad guarantees and reassurances – and so everyone is learning to devise ways of coping.
During this upheaval, emotions can feel overwhelming. Daily events may trigger shock, grief, fear or anxiety. After all, we are awash in a world of uncertainty and unknowns.
It is easy to become defensive in the face of uncertainty because defensiveness is a natural human response. It is normal to look for survival tactics and protective measurements to survive.
However, defensiveness keeps us stuck in resistance and prevents us from moving forward.
To avoid getting stuck, it is important to remember who you really are: you’re not just an ego in a body suit, you are an eternal soul who embarked on this earth journey to participate in the evolution of consciousness at this very time of unprecedented change and awakening.
You are so much more than your physical being! You have more resources available to you at non-physical levels than you can imagine. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, stop instead and take inventory of your spiritual arsenal.
Humans are blessed with innate creativity and innovation. Even during this challenging period, we can create effective ways forward.
To do so, we need to let go of lower levels of consciousness from where the quagmire of problems in our world were created. We need to expand our awareness of multiple possibilities coexisting in the Field, because higher awareness and a larger scope are essential to creating optimal outcomes now. Clearly, we need more than duality-based options that belong to an outdated Cartesian world view.
This time of social distancing offered us opportunities to reflect and return to right relationship with our innate Self. We have become aware of what no longer works, what no longer nourishes us, and what we’ll no longer tolerate in life. We’ve also been able to recognize what we truly want from life, so we can choose wisely.
This global time-out helped us reconnect with our inner being and what we truly need. By reconnecting to our inner core, we can make empowered decisions for our path and the greater good.
Humanity has outgrown the place where a few can dictate and make choices for the collective. It is time for each of us to step into maturity and take full responsibility for our own decisions. From there, it will ripple outward and create optimal collective outcomes.
During this season of loss and uncertainty, don’t look back. Go beyond!
Beneath the surface defensiveness of reactivity and blame, lies the presence of Spirit. That Presence contains all possibilities and potentialities. By stepping away from the ego chatter and centering deeper within, we access that Core where all possibilities exist. We can detach from habitual ego reactions of fear and anxiety.
Instead, we can enter a centered space of peace and calm from where we are able to simply observe. We can hold this space until clarity arises. We can cultivate awareness of possibilities beyond our linear thinking to make optimal choices.
We can use this perspective to recognize the limiting conditioning that hampers us and let it go so we can step into our true potential. We can anchor into the Creator Presence within and align with all that is possible to create a brave new paradigm.
This season of change also calls for spiritual maturity. It challenges us to let go of waiting to be rescued, and to step into choosing the path forward ourselves. Spiritual maturity empowers us to step out of old roles of limitation that were assigned to us and to become co-creators of a more empowering future.
Maturity gives us faith in unseen possibilities, so we can hold the intention for what can be. It calls us to elevate our viewpoint above the limitations of what was or is, to what truly can show up in response to our choices now.
Along the way, do not allow obstacles and appearances on the surface of life to undermine your faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of what is not yet seen. Hold on to that.
We are asked to clear out old conditioning, to heal the memories of what happened before, and to let go of what’s no longer needed. By freeing ourselves from past wounds and limitations, we create more room for our path to unfold.
Do not let others tell you what is appropriate for you. Step out of that habit and embrace a more empowering approach. Evaluate, contemplate within and choose for yourself.
Do not resist the process of individual growth, for it is your evolutionary lifeline. Let go of resistance and allow possibilities to emerge from the Truth within.
Trust in the benevolent plan of a loving Creator – and trust yourself. Maturity requires us to trust in ourselves, in the unseen hands that guide and uphold us, and in the Divine plan that we may not yet see but which is unfolding even now.
When we were children, we needed continuous reassurance and simple solutions to feel safe. As mature adults, we learn to be at peace with not knowing. Maturity teaches us to embrace the ever-changing nature of life, and to take full responsibility for our individual choices along the way.
Maturity also teaches us to stay in the void of uncertainty and discomfort; to resist grabbing for some easy version of permanency or settle for some substance to numb our awareness. The security we want is within; it does not lie outside of us.
We also must avoid the pitfall of settling for the devil we know. If we wish to evolve, we dare not let the familiarity of known limitations hold us back from the limitless possibilities we do not yet see.
When we turn away from external conditions beyond our control to focus on our inner life over which we have ALL control, we will find our innate power, peace and creativity restored. That is an important step toward creating a brave new paradigm in which everyone can thrive.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Mar 25, 2020 | Cope with change, Faith, Fear and anxiety, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Spirituality
The great leveler has arrived. As Covid-19, the latest coronavirus, sweeps across the globe without regard for individual status, power or influence, it is showing us that all of us are equally part of the process of life on this planet.
Viruses don’t discriminate based on skin color or political alliance. Our choice is not about whether we participate, but how.
Our planet is starting to awaken out of old consciousness. The cleansing that is sweeping the globe at this time will affect every human being before it is done. Circumstances are forcing us, individually and collectively, to set aside political and religious differences, and to reach out to our fellow humans in support and compassion. Nations are forced to redirect trillions of dollars spent on war toward the support of humanitarian efforts so there can be hope renewed for the weakest among us.
The call for action is clear – but will we respond from faith or from fear? As awakened souls, we can intentionally expand coherence on this planet, starting with our own lives and realities. By choosing to focus on opportunity instead of fear, we can anchor the energies of expansion to minimize suffering and support the awakening of many.
And, as always, we are called to be the change we wish to see in the world; we are asked to start the journey by healing within us that which is not truthful and pure, so we can hold a pure space for others to awaken and reach their potential.
The global time-out offers humanity an opportunity to reflect on our true purpose, both collectively and individually. It is a pause that allows us to disinfect ourselves from viruses of both mind and ego that have infested our world. This time of uncertainty is also a time to heal, reflect and focus on the world we’d like to create. Instead of going into fear, we can focus on perfecting our inner journey, and hold a shared intention for the birthing of an outer reality that honors all forms of life.
During these times of uncertainty, denial, avoidance and resistance are plentiful but they are not helpful.
Rather, we need to identify and release all dissonance within ourselves, so we can dissolve the fear in the collective. Energy flows from resonance to resonance. As we identify and release within ourselves whatever lower levels of consciousness such as fear and anxiety that lurk there, we are able to hold a space of peace and light, uplifting the levels of consciousness on the planet so others can awaken, too.
Fear is a natural human reaction to uncertainty and change, but we do not need to live there! This is not a time to succumb to fear, but a time to remember that we are deeply loved at all times and under all circumstances. We may not be able to replace defunct systems – yet – but we can begin by purifying our own beings, so that our light can illuminate the way for others.
When we focus on feelings of uncertainty, fear or lack, we add to stress levels, both in our bodies and in the collective.
Fear feeds stress, which raises cortisol, inflammatory markers, adrenalin and inflammation, resulting in immune compromise. Uncontrolled stress can lead to panic and a loss of rational thinking and behavior. Therefore, we must reverse the escalation from fear to stress to panic.
Fear is not dispelled by going into denial, or by applying a superficial Band-Aid of positive thinking. Fear dissipates when we become fully present in each moment.
When we become still and go within, we’re able to surrender our resistance to what is. We choose to simply be with unpredictability and observe emotions that arise.
Notice fear, doubt, confusion, anger or even panic arising? These are scraps of our individual woundedness that resonate with the fear in the collective. Healing starts by acknowledging each of these dissonant thoughts and emotions. Then, we release them to Spirit, so we can center our minds on peace. The more we release these dissonant emotions, the greater our capacity to remain in a place of inner stillness and calm, regardless of the storm raging around.
When the mind is at peace, we are open and available to higher frequencies of healing and transformation. Ultimately, then, it is more helpful to have a quiet mind than a superficially positive mind.
With our own practice of clearing and healing in place, we can become fully attentive to the needs of others. This is not a time to judge and criticize, but to extend the hand of friendship and compassion to others, remembering that we’re all in this together. We can use this moment as an opportunity for individual and collective awakening, connection and renewal.
Never before have there been such amazing technologies and opportunities to support one another around the globe. Even as we are physically separated and isolated, we can connect to our worldwide tribe through technology, and to Spirit through our awakened consciousness.
When feeling discouraged, think how it must feel to live out one’s entire life in solitary confinement, as many prisoners do. Remember how the victims of the Spanish Flu epidemic did not have the internet to check on the well-being of loved ones? And during the Black Plague, many comatose patients were buried alive in mass graves along with corpses because of the lack of medical technology.
Despite the discipline imposed on us to curtail our freedom for a season, we have so much to be grateful for!
Balance, alignment and flow are key in these times and beyond. Remember that one person functioning at the level of consciousness of 500 on The Hawkins Map of Consciousness counterbalances 750,000 people who are not yet spiritually awake and operate below 200.
This is a time where compassion outweighs opinions, where love trumps fear, and where faith allows us to move with confidence and trust into the unknown. Let’s accept the assignment we came here for, and let’s make our presence count!
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Feb 20, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-awareness
Gandhi, that great peacemaker and inspirational leader, applied a simple motto to his life. It read, “My life is my message.”
Gandhi understood that we communicate with everyone we encounter each day; our lives are the books read by others, and our message is shared through our attitudes, values, beliefs, thoughts, words and actions – everything that drives us daily.
The message of your life consists of three very important components. Through it:
- You guide yourself to what is possible;
- You guide others about what is most important to you and what they can expect of you; and
- You affect and influence the larger environment around you.
What does your life message say? Your message will always communicate what is most important to you. For your life to have positive impact, it is essential to cultivate awareness of the issues that occupy your time and attention.
You shape your life through the power of your attention before you even make a choice. Whatever you pay attention to, think about, dwell on, talk, worry or obsess about, will increase and multiply until it affects who you become.
- If you constantly think about what frightens you, you will become more fearful.
- If you constantly think about how unfair life is, you will see more reasons to support this view.
- If you believe you are worthless, your choices and behaviors will reflect that belief.
- If you feel entitled to be angry, you will find more and more to be angry about.
Likewise, when you pay close attention to what is positive, hopeful, supportive, uplifting and encouraging, your life and sense of self will inevitably reflect that.
You have the power to choose what you cultivate in the inner garden of your mind!
Whatever your circumstances, you can direct your attention to what will most positively affect your attitudes and actions. Your personal attitudes and values can lift your spirits or dash them far more effectively than anything outside yourself can!
The power of consciously focusing your attention also sets the stage for personal empowerment in your life. To the same extent that you harness your focus to practice self-awareness and self-knowledge, personal happiness and inner harmony become available within. Self-knowledge helps guide optimal choices, so the more self-knowledge you develop, the more self-empowered you ultimately become.
True self-knowledge allows for an honest assessment of strengths and weaknesses – not to judge or avoid the weaker aspects, but to allow for their healing and integration. This process is at the core of all personal growth. It ultimately empowers you to call on inner strengths and capabilities to meet life’s challenges, instead of making excuses for your woundedness or fear. Each time you strengthen or heal an area of woundedness, you become more integrated and more resilient to make empowering choices.
Over time, self-knowledge fosters trust in yourself and in the choices you make. There is no short-cut to true self-knowledge; it is developed in the thick of living where it grows from keen awareness and attention to the unfolding process of your life.
Your life is your most powerful message to others, and self-knowledge allows you to fine-tune that message. By observing your life and actions, you can cultivate the attitude and skills necessary to fulfill your life purpose in the most optimal way.
Here are a few pointers to get you started on honing your unique message:
Observe your impact on other people. Put yourself in their shoes. See yourself from their perspective. Listen to yourself. Get to know your emotional terrain and how it affects everyone around you. When you don’t like what you see, change it!
Listen carefully to your own stories. Your stories shape your character, temperament and sense of what is possible, so know what your stories are. How do you habitually describe the impact of life events on you? What themes do you emphasize? Which stories do you keep harking back to? When you see the impact of the stories you tell, you can change your habitual stories for more optimal outcomes.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps even more important than your strengths, is the awareness of what challenges you. Both strengths and obstacles have lots to teach you. True authenticity is found by being aware of your weaknesses and working to improve them, yet choosing to reach for your highest potential.
Find out what matters to you. What do you talk about most persistently? Where are you focusing your time, money and attention? If it does not bring you the outcomes you desire, perhaps it is time to shift your focus.
Notice what makes you happy. What makes you feel genuinely excited and alive? What inspires and moves you? What fascinates you? Focus on these things, and they will surely expand to enrich your life.
Notice what dampens your enthusiasm. What are the thoughts that drive your fearful thinking? When you become aware of the thoughts that trigger your emotions and spin you into fear, anxiety or depression, you can exchange them for positive ones. Emotions are driven by thoughts, not the other way around.
Notice how much you learn from your mistakes. There is no failure in life; there is only learning. Cultivating this attitude will save you from repeating self-destructive behaviors. Adopting an open mind leads to learning and growth; it also allows you to let go of habitual defensiveness and fear because you increasingly act from self-awareness instead of ignorance.
Learn from other people. It has been said that smart people learn from their experiences; brilliant people learn from the experiences of others. When you appreciate the experiences of others, you do not need to repeat them for your own learning; instead, you can avoid pitfalls and focus on optimal actions.
Get to know your inner world. You are the only companion you have for life. By getting to understand your own dreams, hopes and wishes, you’re able to support yourself in the best possible way to reach those goals while maintaining a sense of inner harmony.
Stay curious. Children are wonderful teachers because their minds are not cluttered with value judgments of good and bad. The more curiosity you cultivate about life, the more you will move out of judgment and into the field of possibilities from where miracles happen.
Your life is indeed your unique message and contribution to the world. Self-knowledge is the key to unlock that message so you can communicate most effectively with yourself, others and the world around you.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Oct 28, 2019 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Life skills
While most of us aspire to live a life we won’t regret, many do express regrets at the end of life. If we could address the things we may regret now, we can focus on living the remainder of our lives with greater satisfaction.
I believe that regrets really stem from a lack of courage. We tend to regret the thing we did or did not do, because we lacked the courage to do it. We may have been too afraid of consequences, or the unknown, or what others may think. And so we settled for less, compromising our potential to live small lives of quiet desperation, as Henry Thoreau said, dying with our song still unsung within.
Regret-free living takes courage: it is as simple and as difficult as that.
Our lives are shaped by either courage or by fear. When we live a live true to ourselves, there will be others who judge us; voices that criticize us for stepping out of the box or label us as crazy. Fear of this dissonance often holds us back. To live fully and without regrets, we need the courage to follow our hearts, even when others may not understand our choices.
In fact, it is none of their business! Each one of us is fully responsible for our own lives and choices. When we choose to go beyond the comfort zone of the collective in order to grow and realize our full potential, that is a courageous decision that deserves support, not criticism!
It is this courageous process of stretching that develops elastic in our souls so we can extend further, believe more, and accomplish better outcomes. Courage to commit to our unfolding path is essential for a satisfying life. And nobody knows better than you what that means!
We need courage to break with norms, to expand beyond the confines of our tribe, and to let go of external expectations and pressures. Courage empowers us to fully live from our hearts, and to stay in touch with our true compass and purpose.
People at the end of life can teach us valuable lessons about living from their perspective at the end of the road. Bronnie Ware, an Australian caregiver who worked in hospice care, identified five core regrets among dying patients which can teach us a lot about living well.
- Not staying true to self
Look at a person disempowered and miserable about their life circumstances, and you will most likely find someone who never had the courage to break away from dysfunctional family dynamics. And if we lack the courage to make that primary break away from dysfunctional caregivers, we will end up staying put in jobs we dislike, putting up with abuse and lack of respect in relationships; we will ultimately abandon the opportunity to fulfill the purpose of our lives. To break free from any dysfunction, the discomfort of doing what is needed to be true to oneself must always outweigh the illusionary comfort of avoiding risk.
2. I wish I had not worked so much
People who work all the time develop no identity outside of work. Workaholics have no time to develop in other areas of their lives and when their work drops away, they have nothing else left. Developing healthy interests outside of work allows us to refresh ourselves; it also brings renewed energy to our work lives. Finding that space outside of work is an essential, enriching aspect of life often seen only seen in hindsight.
Deriving status and identity from our work can trap us into a role defined by society rather than by our individual truth. My mother was convinced that I should become an actuary – can you imagine how miserable I would have been in a profession that would have locked me into my left brain?? Another trap is buying into the scarcity thinking of the ego and never feeling as if we have enough money to follow our dreams or step away from a job we despise. Do you have the courage to let go of what does not bring you joy, so you can move toward what does?
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
Many dying people long to express their feelings to loved ones, yet never had the courage to do so. Fear held them back. They were crippled by fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood, or fear of being vulnerable…. The list goes on. We need courage to speak our truth – and when we do, we free ourselves to live from our core truth, regardless of how others may react. Having the courage to be honest with oneself, is vastly more important that how others receive it because it gives expression to our vital life force. Suppressing our truth ultimately suppresses our life force.
Expressing our truth in a compassionate and kind way, creates space for healing and compassion. We don’t have to make another wrong just for us to be heard. We simply need to express our truth – not for justification or to attack others, but for our own healing. Everyone is at a different place on their journey; at times, it may be helpful to write out feelings to another because it allows us to distill our truth while giving others the opportunity to revisit our expression when they are ready.
Expressing ourselves also requires us to become good listeners, because communication is a two-way street. Our honesty and vulnerability can allow others to feel safe enough to express their feelings. Being present with others in a kind, non-judgmental way allows them to share without fear. Can we listen deeply to the people in our lives? Can we find the courage to say the things that need to be said?
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with friends more
At the end of life, memories of happy times and friendships enrich one’s life. And yet, most people’s lives start narrowing down after kids leave home. The comfort of confining themselves to the same routines, friends and circles can lead to stagnation. Stepping out of earlier roles such as parenting can be a stepping-stone toward broadening relationships and connections, rather than narrowing them. If we expand our friendship circles throughout life, we can offer enrichment to one another even as old friends and relatives drop away.
Sometimes, the desire to maintain a safe personal comfort zone prevents people from getting involved in the messy business of true connectivity. I have seen people withdraw from opportunities to help because seeing another in a difficult situation, made them feel too uncomfortable with their own tenuous sense of stability. Life is messy and true connectivity requires the willingness to get one’s hands dirty! True joy is found in real life connections; not on social media or from the comfort of our easy chairs. When we have the courage to connect with people face to face, we ultimately experience enrichment and joy.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier
This regret stems from not understanding that happiness is a choice. We often look for happiness outside ourselves with self-imposed conditions: if I lose 10 pounds I will be happier; if I could just find the right partner, or make enough money, I’ll be happy. The truth is that happiness is a choice. It is an empowering internal decision that we can make regardless of where we’re at in life!
When we choose to honor the truth of our Being, we will find happiness.
We are in this life for a limited time only. This life is going to end, and it is the only life we will ever get to live as these unique beings that we are. This life is precious and sacred: how can we then live to make it really count?
Our greatest joy, highest power and ultimate fulfillment lies in facing the fears that hold us back. We can muster our courage and live from the truth in our hearts. Imagine how much we lose out on while operating from fear and other people’s rules!
To live a courageous life, we’ve got to stretch in ways that may be uncomfortable. Perhaps you’ve heard this from a fitness trainer or yoga teacher, because it’s true in all areas of life: we need to stretch to grow, improve and get strong. And growing in courage means taking risks in the very areas where we feel afraid.
Everyone already has times in life when they’ve been courageous. You may have displayed great courage in a relationship or a job. Perhaps you didn’t recognize it as courage at the time; you were merely doing what had to be done. Yet in every situation where your acted courageously, you valued the discomfort of change more than staying in the comfort of the status quo. You might have been terrified, but you did it!
You can take courageous action again. One you know what motivates you, you can do it again. Let your core values motivate your courageous actions. Practice letting your courage ripple out into more and more areas of your life, and you will live a life without regrets.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
