by Ada Porat | May 20, 2014 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Decision-making, Depression, Fear and anxiety, Life coaching, Mindfulness, Spirituality
Emotions are incredibly powerful. In fact, they color everything in life. But an emotion cannot exist without a thought to drive it and give it life. What’s more, emotions can’t be changed simply because you decide they ought to.
Even if you pride yourself on being highly rational, you probably suspect that your emotions are the strongest force in your existence. You may have trouble figuring out how to change the way you feel, even when you don’t like where it takes you.
Put simply, energy flows where attention goes. And it is in the mind that the battle plays out, because your thoughts and your focus of attention direct the flow of energy – and it is in the mind that they can be changed.
As you change your thoughts, you will notice that your mood, feelings and emotions will follow. In due course, your actions and behaviors will fall into line with your thoughts as well.
Understanding this principle is essential if you want to change your attitude.
Your thoughts don’t travel in one direction only. We take in thoughts; yet we also send them out and project them onto the world outside ourselves. Put differently, whatever we enact in the outside world has its origins in the inside world of our minds – and it is not always lovely!
Once we recognize this, we come close to a real understanding of what self-responsibility is. You and I are collectively responsible for the world outside ourselves. Everything in this world – the good, the bad, and everything in between – begins with thought.
The spiritual description of this process takes it a step further, reminding us that we are actually creating the world outside ourselves through the power of our thinking. War, violence and injustice, as well as goodness, kindness and mercy, are all states of mind originated and sustained by our thoughts. No wonder the Course in Miracles calls the original thought of separation the “tiny, mad idea!”
It is through our thinking and the actions that flow from there that we add to our collective well-being – or not.
The Brahma Kumaris teachers of Peace Of Mind meditation teach the same concept with their statement that “Peace is just a thought away.”
Just imagine how exquisite our world and our lives would be if we consistently let ourselves believe and experience that. We would be able to create peace, have peace and offer peace to one another!
This meaningful change starts with taking charge of our thoughts and harnessing what is known in Buddhism as the monkey mind. Here are five simple steps to change the way you feel:
1. Change your thinking – and you will also change the way you feel.
2. Challenge beliefs that hold you back or harm you – and you will change the way you feel.
3. Notice when you fall into dreary or pessimistic thinking and take positive action instead – and you will change the way you feel.
4. Limit the attention you give to what is going wrong or what is disappointing or hurtful in your life – and you will change the way you feel.
5. Increase the attention you give to what is positive, uplifting, hopeful and supportive – and you will radically change the way you feel.
This all seems so obvious! It begs the question of why we don’t automatically weed out the thoughts that hurt us and cultivate supportive thoughts instead. Why don’t we act decisively, knowing that our feelings will change as we do so?
I believe that we most often allow the monkey mind to run wild simply because we don’t realize that our thoughts drive our behaviors. Nor do we realize that we can do something about those thoughts; that we can direct them instead of being overwhelmed by them.
You and I know better now! We can change our thoughts at any time by using these five simple skills to challenge, change, notice, and limit negative thoughts so we can increase our focus on what is positive. In so doing, our emotional well-being will thrive.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Apr 22, 2014 | Abundance, Conscious living, Gratitude, Life coaching, Spirituality
Everyone in the world wants to be happy; and yet everyone suffers in some way. People the world over eagerly search for happiness as if it were a highly treasured secret.
The search for happiness has led many to explore religion, because all wisdom traditions teach that virtue is a precondition of happiness. Virtue may be defined differently by various traditions, yet the search for it invariably calls the seeker to personal introspection and self-honesty.
Times of social upheaval often serve as a catalyst to ignite this individual search for meaning and happiness. It is when the known certainties of our lives crumble, that we start looking for deeper answers. We may embark on this journey to find meaning in the death of a loved one, mourn the loss of a job or relationship, or survive the turmoil of financial instability.
Seekers often believe that the source of meaning and happiness lie outside themselves. They may seek for it in words, books or teachings from those who have been anointed by modern society as the guardians of spiritual truth.
Buddhism takes a contrasting view: it teaches that true knowledge and meaning cannot be found in any outside power or agency. Instead, it is found in the deep knowledge of truth that resides within each of us, even when we try to hide from ourselves.
Why would we want to hide from our inner truth, you may ask? Because we do not want to see our flaws, faults, weaknesses, and excesses. We fear that they’d make us feel too vulnerable and guilty. We are ashamed to admit to ourselves that some of the things we want are forbidden, illegal, unethical, or fattening.
We also hide from inner truth because we are afraid to face our fears. Although we may appear to be self-confident, we are all vulnerable to failure, defeat, humiliation, loss, pain, and death. We fear these things and so we repress those fears. And so we struggle to repress the truths within that we are not able to face, until it seeps through our defenses to haunt us in nightmares, anxieties and everyday worries.
This unwillingness to see things as they are, is the primary obstacle to happiness. It is the chief cause of our self-inflicted suffering; a form of self-denial that the Buddha called ignorance.
If ignorance is the underlying cause of our self-inflicted suffering, then awareness is the remedy. The keys to the kingdom of happiness lie in becoming self-aware. True self-awareness enables us to change the things we can, to accept the things we cannot change, and to know the difference.
Self-awareness can be cultivated through meditation, introspection and reflection. It requires us to witness our inner state of being without reacting to it. The very act of honest self-observation gives us the necessary insight to change our habitual patterns of thought and action.
When we embark on the journey within, we learn to access the truth that offers true happiness. As we come to understand our own resistance to truth, we learn how to transform it. We learn how to change our habits of negative thinking, repressed emotions, and fear-based action into courageous openness, honest awareness, and joyous equanimity. We learn to accept and relax into existence as it is, rather than to anxiously reject and fight it.
We begin to see how we, ourselves, are the primary cause of our own sorrow. And we come to understand that we can also choose to be the cause of our own release and happiness. We learn to find harmony between our inner being and our outer environment, so that peace and happiness flow.
This process of diligent and honest introspection has the potential to radically change our lives from within and restore a true sense of happiness.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Mar 25, 2014 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Fear and anxiety, Life transitions, Spirituality
“Crisis is the dangerous breaking of glass that opens locked windows of opportunity that require perceptiveness and courage to move through with care.”
~Tom Atlee, Co-Intelligence Institute
The winds of change are blowing all around, exposing long-held beliefs and calling for a paradigm change. Do you have the courage and awareness to navigate these challenging times?
You have a powerful tool within you that can help you turn the most perilous situation into an opportunity for growth. It all depends on changing your perspective; how you look at things.
Wayne Dyer once said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.” It is by changing your perspective, that you tap into your potential.
Around us, many souls are held spell-bound by the fear and drama of a changing world. Worries about economic threats, political turmoil and uncertainties around the future have their blood pressure soaring along with their credit card debt. Fear has become a powerful tool in the struggle for polarization and can bog down efforts toward meaningful change.
No wonder that increasing numbers of people are seeking out pharmaceuticals to treat their depression and anxiety in an attempt to maintain functionality, while avoiding the deeper cause and ignoring the signal that something is wrong.
Clearly, when we look out at the world, it appears to be filled with broken systems and people that need fixing. But at the crossroads between the outside world and our inner landscape, the fixing needs to happen inside us if we ever hope to see it change out there. If we want things to change, changing our perspective needs to happen first – we need to change the way we look at things!
It has been said that evolution, like water behind a dam, knows where all the cracks are, and is working on them right now with increasing intensity.
Could it be that something new is trying to happen, seeking the transformation of the whole by requiring the healing of our individual cracks and weaknesses as individuals? Is it possible that the topsy-turvy world out there is out of balance because of an intensified spiritual energy seeking to reawaken the true values of the heart in us – compassion, generosity, forgiveness, and a desire to live in harmony with others?
I propose that the only way forward through this mine field is by changing your perspective. You need to acknowledge and even to embrace the challenges in your life as the messengers they are: harbingers of a Higher Truth that highlights the empty, loveless or meaningless places in your life that yearn for more meaning and truth.
If you continue to anxiously hold onto the way things were, resisting change and wanting no disruption in your life, you will also avoid the potential for growth and evolution, because your personal status quo is closely tied to the larger sense of malaise on the planet.
I remember being surprised years ago when I read Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore. He titled one of the chapters “The Gift of Depression.” I had to think about that.
What if you and I learned to suffer more effectively? How would things change for better if you could see problems and solutions as parts of the same coin, instead of failing to notice the opportunities offered by challenges? It requires changing your perspective.
In a world where everything is interconnected, the seeds of today’s suffering may well grow into the fruits that become tomorrow’s happiness. Think back for a moment: who would you be today if it weren’t for your suffering? Did the hardships not contribute to the deepening of your faith and the strengthening of your resilience? In fact, there is a jewel of awareness and growth offered in almost every tribulation.
It is the decisions you made at each point along the course of your life that determined the ultimate outcomes you are experiencing now. And how are they working for you?
If you want to experience different outcomes, you need to make different choices. Have you ever considered what might happen if you make different choices? Or embraced the unknown? Or if you dared to think out of the box and allowed for new possibilities to emerge? Or had the courage to go within, changing your perspective?
Ah, the sky is the limit! Your biggest obstacles are not the circumstances out there that you face; it is your inner resistance that is born of fear. And once you become aware of this, you can embrace changing your perspective, step out of fear and open your heart to the possibilities instead.
As you learn to step into the opportunity to make powerful decisions as individuals, I believe that you will also find the potential within to restore love, hope and unity to the wider world around you.
You could, as Tom Atlee suggests, “use your differences and challenges creatively, not simply as problems to avoid or solve, but as signs of new life pushing to emerge – and as invitations into a new, more whole tomorrow.”
In the coming days, it may be very useful to remember this invitation. Profound changes are ahead and your ability to move forward gracefully, rather than kicking and screaming, depends on changing your perspective.
When you choose to perceive problems as opportunities, you will find the courage to let go of the past and step into the rich possibilities of a future filled with potential to create the lives, the outcomes and the world you yearn for.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jan 30, 2014 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Depression, Fear and anxiety, Gratitude, Life coaching
By Kane Matthews and the Xtend Life Team
Reprinted with permission
A continued state of high stress about what could go wrong is not good for our well-being. If you’ve read the works of Nostradamus, you might see the end of the world lurking around every single corner.
You probably also saw people spending time worrying that the world would come to an end along with the Mayan calendar in December of last year. Let’s not forget movies have sold millions of tickets about Martians invading. For some people this is a welcome and brief entertainment, for others this is an ongoing cause of concern.
Extreme religious sects have based their entire teachings on ‘end-of-the-world-beliefs’ – Harold Camping preached that the world would end on May 21, 2011 – a movement that controls followers through the use of fear.
Fear and worry – especially unmanageable ones such as end-of-the-world prophesies – can be big roadblocks to happiness, for a variety of different reasons.
“A mind that is afraid withers away; it cannot function properly,” wrote Jiddu Kristnamurti in his book On Fear.
Not only that, but fear can stop you in your tracks, bringing about a sense of stagnation – almost as if you’re waiting around for something. As you worry and fret, you’re putting stress on your body and mind, and as you’re on high alert for something that may never come, you’re wasting time that could be spent making life improvements and increasing your happiness.
“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out… and do it,” said Susan J. Jeffers in Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.
Sure, sometimes life throws boulders in our path. We fail to get the promotion we worked so hard for, the person we thought was “the one” decides to break it off or a natural disaster strikes too close to home.
Even after a boulder passes, there will likely be others to follow. Of course we could climb into bed and cocoon ourselves against the problems of the world, waiting for happiness to miraculously drive up and knock on our doors, or we could face our fears and fight them off in a true quest for happiness.
According to Dr. Timothy Sharp, author of The Happiness Handbook and founder of the Happiness Institute, as with anything, it takes work to be happy.
“Those who fail to plan, plan to fail,” said Sharp. “Just like in any other life domain, the pursuit of happiness requires planning.”
But by taking action and working at happiness, we create the opportunity to realize that we are more capable than we might have ever known, boosting our self-esteem and making us feel better about ourselves in the process.
By setting goals to be happy and doing things that make you happy – essentially putting in the work – you can rock yourself out of the waiting game and sow the seeds of real happiness with clear, concise actions.
See the good in the now.
Look around you and truly recognize what it is about your life that is good. Knowing how to focus on the good rather than the bad can change perceptions, meaning that instead of planning for the end of the world, you’ll instead be looking ahead to tomorrow with expectation and excitement.
“The only moment in which we can be truly happy is the present moment,” said Sharp. “The only moment over which we have control is the present moment. So be happy now. Because if not now, then when?”
This means that as difficult as may be, it’s important to stop waiting around for happiness to come.
You can say “I’ll be happy when I land the dream job, lose the weight or get married,” but chances are pretty good that even if you do land the dream job, reach your goal weight or find your soul mate, you’ll still find yourself putting off happiness for some other goal.
Even if your life is not exactly what you’ve always hoped for right now, recognize what is good about it and revel in it. Finding happiness in the now doesn’t have to be a measure of what you have, but rather how you see your life and the good things in it.
Celebrating the good in all its forms is vital to happiness.
Understand that we all make mistakes, and some of them can be pretty big ones. But we can learn from them, and grow because of those lessons, no matter how painful.
Because of the errors we’ve made, like a broken bone that heals even stronger, we are better than we were before because we know more. Rather than dwelling on those mistakes, see them as opportunities for growth, and appreciate the blessing.
Train yourself to find the positive side.
The song “Keep on the Sunny Side of Life” was written in 1889, but the idea remains absolutely true. No matter what comes your way, finding the light present in the darkness is key to real happiness.
The Dalai Lama said, “The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones.”
While the idea of positive affirmations might seem simplistic, finding a way to replace the negatives with positives are key to ensuring that we feel amazing and capable, every day of our lives. The Power of Positive Thinking became a bestseller for Norman Vincent Peale because the idea works.
According to self-help guru Anthony Robbins, affirmations help unleash the power within, reminding us that we are able to accomplish dreams and goals by erasing the self-doubt and negativity that can erode happiness.
Negativity is like a curtain that blocks the sun. Since the sun is an essential nutrient to grow and heal, opening the curtains and letting the sunlight in through positive affirmations can ease bad feelings and create a sense of hopefulness where once was despair.
Keep the following affirmations in your arsenal to haul out when times are tough:
• Every day in every way I am getting better and better.
• The past is gone. I live only in the present.
• My good comes from everywhere and everyone. All is well in my world.
After time – because your mind flexes and responds to this new way of thinking – you will begin to turn more naturally to positive thoughts, while the negative ones are kept at bay.
By insulating yourself from negativity, you’ll also be protecting your health, according to Dr. Christopher Peterson of the University of Michigan, who found that optimistic people have a stronger immune system than their pessimistic cousins. Optimists tend to take better care of themselves, Peterson said, and therefore feel better – and happier – as well.
Have gratitude for the little things.
Whether it’s a sunny day, a kiss from a puppy or a fuzzy blanket on a cold day, take the time to appreciate the small things in life, writes author Gretchen Rubin in Good Housekeeping magazine.
“I’ve long been haunted by the words of the French writer Colette: ‘What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.’ That quote is why I’ve been working hard at finding happiness in the small, ordinary details in life and appreciating the adventure of everyday existence,” she writes.
Life has its highs and its lows. But being aware of what’s good in your life can make those lows feel easier to bear.
To reinforce those good feelings, try to do things that you enjoy every day.
Whether you find happiness in sipping a cup of tea while watching birds from your porch, spending time with your partner, taking a long bath or walking in the woods, make time as often as possible to do the things you enjoy doing.
Make a move.
Sometimes, a big jolt of change can do the trick and transform your life from bad to good and release a sense of happiness.
If you find yourself immersed in misery, fear and worry, maybe it’s time for a change of scenery. Clearly, your job, your relationship, whatever it is that’s going on in your life, isn’t working. If you’re in a situation to make changes, doing so can make a big difference.
“You have been blessed with immeasurable power to make positive changes in your life,” said Steve Maraboli in his book Life, the Truth, and Being Free.
Ultimately, our happiness rests in our own hands, and we alone have the power to make the changes we need to be happy.
Sticking around in a bad situation can leave you feeling stagnant – if you do what you’ve always done, you will get the same results, many experts have said – but making a move, taking on fear and doing something unexpected, can reveal inner strength that you never realized you had.
“We can’t be afraid of change,” said C. JoyBell C., author of The Sun is Snowing and other poetic works. “You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea.
“There is fun to be done. Make it a point every day to tell yourself that today, on this new and wonderful day, things are changing. And on this day, anything is possible.
“It may lead to the end of what was once a little world, but remember what the band R.E.M. said about that: ‘It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.’”
This article is reprinted with permission from the monthly Xtend Life newsletter. To learn more about Xtend Life, visit www.xtend-life.com.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Dec 31, 2013 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Life coaching, Mindfulness
Still feeling a pang of guilt because last year’s resolutions did not make it past Valentine’s Day?
Perhaps those resolutions never stood a chance because you did not prime the pump first! Let me explain.
Most of us are looking for similar things in life: more time, love, joy, health and quality of life. What we sometimes forget, is that good things don’t simply fall down from the sky. We need to put some effort towards getting the outcomes we desire!
On my grandfather’s farm was a creaky old water pump. Before it would start drawing water from the well, it had to be primed with a cup of water. As a child, I used to love participating by pouring a cup of water down the pump before pumping the squeaky handle up and down, up and down… until a small stream of water would start running from the spout. Once the water started flowing, one could fill up as many buckets with water as needed, and it all started with the simple act of priming the pump with water first.
The water pump would not yield water if primed with rocks. It needed to be primed with water – the same substance I desired from it. In life it works the same way: we prime the pump of life with that which we contribute, and we attract that which we emanate. If we emanate lack, we cannot attract abundance and if we emanate anger, we cannot attract love. Because like attracts like, we therefore need to first prime the pump by giving of that which we desire.
In the process, the very quality we focus on giving becomes an integral part of our being. Just as that old water pump on the farm yielded as much water as desired after it was primed, a life that exudes love, abundance and joy, draws more of the same qualities.
This year, instead of making the same old New Year resolutions, perhaps it would be more meaningful to prime the pump with the very qualities you would like to see more of in your life.
Here are some ideas to get you started. By practicing even just one of these principles consistently over time, you will find that life returns to you a bountiful measure of the same.
- I treat everyone in my life with the love and respect that I would receive from them.
- I believe it is more important to be loving than to be right, and I apply this in my life daily.
- I look for the beauty in every person and everything that crosses my path.
- I practice lovingkindness toward all sentient beings.
- I take steps to simplify my life so I can enjoy more with less.
- I find time to nurture my body, mind and soul, even if it is only a few minutes each day.
- I focus on what is right rather than what is wrong.
- I forgive those who have hurt me and let go of old wrongs so there may be peace on earth.
- I look for solutions, not for scapegoats.
- I find and express gratitude in my life each day.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Nov 14, 2013 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Life coaching, Life transitions
How resilient are you? Resilience is defined as the ability to return to your original form after being bent, stretched or compressed. It’s the ability to readily recover from illness or adversity. And success depends on your skill at cultivating resilience!
Life’s setbacks and disasters often arrive without prior warning. And while we may not have a choice as to what happens in our lives, we do have a choice in how we respond.
A healthy response requires cultivating inner resilience to recover from setbacks, broken hearts and dreams, financial crisis, loss of a loved one, or health setbacks.
The good news is that you and I can succeed at cultivating resilience. We can exercise it like a muscle, and in the process we can turn the challenging circumstances of our lives into opportunities that deepen our faith and strengthen our very fiber.
Cultivating resilience requires the ability to ask tough questions of yourself and be honest with your answers. If you had something to do with your loss or setback, it is important to accept responsibility for your share of it.
It also requires a sense of responsibility: the understanding that we are all connected and that your actions – for better or for worse – affect others. While you may not have control over the actions of others, accepting full responsibility for your own actions sets you free to respond in a manner that contributes to the greater good.
Cultivating resilience calls for humor to help reframe daunting obstacles and setbacks. When all else fails, learn to laugh at yourself and at the absurdity of your situation. When doctors handed journalist Norman Cousins a grave medical prognosis, he resolved to take charge of the things he could do: he checked himself out of the hospital, embarked on his own healing regimen, watched comedies… and literally laughed himself back to health!
Above all, cultivating resilience calls for faith: faith in your guidance, purpose and potential; faith to commit to life daily; and faith to get back up when circumstances knock you down. Once, when life had knocked me completely off my feet, a friend sent me a card that simply read,
”Fall down
seven times,
stand up eight.”
This Buddhist saying reaffirmed my faith and gave me the courage to keep going.
Every time you get up after a setback, every time you overcome a challenge in life, you develop more resilience.
May you grow, prosper and succeed despite your current challenges. May you grow stronger and more abundant despite the setbacks you’ve suffered in life, and may you cultivate resilience to see you through every challenge!
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
