by Ada Porat | Aug 9, 2023 | Change bad habits, Life skills, Personal growth, Self-awareness
Photo credit: Frida Lannerstrom, Unsplash
We all have one – that inner critic that spews forth endless criticism, judgment or disapproval about our efforts. It might lead with critical questions like “what were you thinking?” or self-blame like “what’s wrong with you?” or “you’re such a loser!” And since our thoughts hugely influence how we feel and behave, the inner critic’s negative self-talk can become downright destructive.
This critical inner voice was formed out of painful early life experiences where we saw or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or others close to us. Over time, we unconsciously adopted and internalized this pattern of destructive self-criticism, allowing it to continue the internal monologue even when there is no need for it.
When we fail to separate from the inner critic, it can run rampant in our lives, creating conflict and sabotaging our success.
Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron has said, “If we want to make peace with ourselves and with the world at large, we have to look closely at the source of all of our wars.”
Both war and peace start within us. If we want peace in our lives and in the world, we need to learn how to stop this internal violence and abuse. We must learn how to proactively address our negative thoughts and develop a more productive dialog within.
Here are six steps to tame the inner critic:
1. Develop awareness of your thoughts. Awareness precedes change, and taming the inner critic is no exception. Become aware of the voice of your inner critic; recognize that it is merely an aspect of your psyche and not all that you are. We get so used to hearing our own narrations we can become oblivious as to their source. Pay attention to your inner narrative; recognize that just because the inner critic says something, doesn’t mean it’s true.
2. Allow yourself to observe the inner critic. Become aware of when your inner critic shows up, and what its negative messages are. Notice how its messages are often exaggerated, biased, and disproportionate. Its power to control you lies in its ability to operate unchallenged. Typically, the inner critic’s judgments and accusations may not be fully truth-based. Allow yourself to see this inner bully for what it is, so you can take appropriate action.
3. Examine the evidence. If you are thinking in terms of absolutes (“You’re never going to make it” or “nobody loves you”) ask yourself if that statement is true. Looking at evidence on both sides of the argument can help you look at the situation more rationally and less emotionally. The evidence of insight empowers, while the condemnation of the inner critic always tries to diminish.
4. Identify the truth. Ask yourself what advice you’d give to a friend struggling with self-criticism, failure or doubt. Now, give that same advice to yourself with kindness. If you’ve made a mistake, having a decent regret and resolving to learn from it, is usually enough – you don’t need to condemn yourself for life.
5. Replace overly critical thoughts with more accurate statements. When you find yourself thinking, “I never do anything right,” replace it with a balanced statement like, “Sometimes I do things really well and sometimes I don’t.” You are allowed to make mistakes! Each time you find yourself thinking an exaggerated negative thought, respond with a more accurate statement and move on; don’t ruminate on your mistakes.
6. Balance acceptance with self-improvement. There’s a difference between always telling yourself that you’re not good enough and reminding yourself that you can work at improving. When we resist our flaws, they persist. Instead, accept your flaws for what they are today, and commit to work on improving in these areas. Acknowledging your weaknesses for what they are today doesn’t mean you are doomed to stay that way. It simply reflects your baseline today, and you can use that information to strive toward becoming better. That way, you use the input from your inner critic to motivate you instead of to bully you.
Your inner dialogue with yourself is a critical part of your psyche. It will either fuel your success or prevent you from reaching your full potential. Taming your inner critic and silencing the excess negativity will empower you to live more effectively and to develop your full potential.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Feb 28, 2023 | Change bad habits, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Resilience, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Alexander Schimmeck, Unsplash
Everyone desires to improve their life in some way: to heal something, change limiting habits, find a romantic partner, lose weight, reach their highest potential, develop intuition, find their soul purpose, and more.
As long as we are alive, this process continues. Norman Mailer put it this way: “Every moment of one’s existence one is growing into more or retreating into less. One is always living a little more or dying a little bit.” There’s always a next step waiting to be taken, yet everyone – absolutely everyone – has trouble accomplishing these laudable goals. In fact, we spend an inordinate time making up reasons and excuses for not moving forward.
Not moving forward is extremely painful. It creates a sense of frustration with yourself because the desire to grow and expand comes from your soul. Resistance to following your path blocks the very expression of your soul. Imagine the impact of such dense emotions that accumulate in the body over years of wrestling with the same dysfunctional patterns!
Here are three practical steps to help you get unstuck and move forward more effectively:
- Ditch fear of humiliation
Most people are controlled by fear of being humiliated or judged by others – and that fear prevents them from moving forward in their lives.
You can overcome this paralyzing fear by recognizing that your true locus of control is inside of you; it does not come from anyone outside you. When you acknowledge the Divine Presence in you and start to follow its gentle prompting, you’ll find the courage and validation you seek within yourself.
Looking outside ourselves for approval or acceptance is an ego trap. It breeds fear of being humiliated whenever external feedback conflicts with our ego needs and is actually a form of pride.
True commitment to our soul path brings about a sense of authentic humility. When we no longer seek approval from outside ourselves, we’re better able to align with Higher truth within. Our relationship with Spirit cultivates deep inner honesty and humility within us. We no longer need to impress or win the fleeting approval of others; instead, we embrace with our true identity as souls and learn to operate by Higher law, resulting in inner peace.
Fantasy or reality?
Do you find yourself bargaining that you’ll do what you need to as soon as the children are grown, or after you’re out of debt, or once you get a new job? Are you dreaming of the life you desire if only you had the money, time or resources? Empty dreams are fantasy – they keep us in a state of scarcity unless we take appropriate action!
Here’s another way to look at life: Everything that shows up in your life and mine, is perfect for the purpose of our growth… not our comfort! On this planet, results are built by matching vision with action, step by step. Nothing falls from the sky ready-made, and circumstances never pause to create the perfect show-stopping moment for us to step into. If we wait for the perfect opportunity before taking action, we may even miss the steppingstones along the way. To break free from wishful thinking, the question to ask yourself instead is, “What I am I doing in the meantime?”
A colleague of mine used to tell her clients, “It’s only too late if you don’t start now!” You cannot satisfy your soul’s yearning with empty dreams and promises – you’re made of better stuff and your soul knows that! Start taking action now with the guidance you already have, and the next step will show up. When guidance is given but you don’t act on it, you may end up with information overload – overwhelmed, stuck or frustrated – whereas steady action will clear the way forward.
Information overload
Information overload can come from asking for input from too many people but never acting on the information stuffed into your energy field. It is normal to gather information before moving forward. The trap lies in over-analyzing each piece of information or waiting for more guidance to appear before acting. This can move you into analysis paralysis or information overload with too much data floating around in your mind, triggering your fears, anxieties, limitations, or past trauma, so you end up too confused to start. Information overload also happens when giving your power away to others instead of taking full responsibility for your own life.
To break free from the bog of information overload, go back to the beginning and look at the very first step that needs to be taken. If internal chatter of fear, bargaining or limitation arises in response, deal with it! Your power lies in choosing your truth in the face of your fears. Drill down to the source of fear and recognize it for what it is – the ego’s stalling tactic to keep you from changing. Let go of it and take the first step forward despite the fear, and it will diminish. Once you’ve taken the first step, you can ask for more guidance, listening within for it. The next breadcrumb will show up!
Collectively, these three steps can help you get unstuck from the sticky bogs of stagnation, and help you live more effectively.
©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com
by Ada Porat | Sep 20, 2021 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Personal growth, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Photo by Nadir sYzYgY on Unsplash
There are three common ways we tend to deal with difficulties in life: we may attack, or distract ourselves, or deny the reality of the situation.
Attack is especially popular in modern society. We use attack as a form of defense. We may jump to our individual assumptions and interpretations of what has been said, and then take offense at what we interpret as a personal attack on us, our values or our truths. Instead of stepping back for objectivity, we launch into an attack of what we think happened or what we imagine the other saying. This hooks us into an endless cycle of conflict, both within and without. When some truth manages to penetrate our defenses, we may even deny the existence of actual evidence that contradicts our assumptions. We may even harden our stance by seeking revenge or justification and so fueling the flames of conflict.
We humans are very good at distracting ourselves whenever we do not know how or do not wish to face the truth. In modern society, the temptations for distraction are endless: we may overindulge in binge-watching television, overeating, indulging in addictive behavior, playing games, or even exercise. We love to justify and feed these habits of distraction: we skew truth to find reasons to indulge our addictions, or to justify our behavior. And while we may be haunted by self-doubt within, we push that away by invoking the actions of others as justification for our distracted – and destructive – behavior. Often, it is not until we hit bottom in this cycle that we realize the high price of distraction ourselves from truth and accountability.
The third way we perpetuate struggle is something every addict knows well: we go into denial. We deny everything that appears dissonant to our own make-believe reality construct. We avoid people and situations that call into question the shaky reality construct to which we cling, and we avoid taking responsibility for our choices and actions. Instead of dealing with unpleasant issues, we may deny our part in it and project blame on someone else. When we do not want to come clean or confront discrepancies in our own value system, we opt to disassociate instead. We avoid, ignore, deny or pretend we did not hear or see what happened, while we try to tiptoe past the truth. By denying truth, we slip into a form of self-hypnosis that traps us in a repetitive, destructive cycle of attacking, distracting or denial.
There is a better approach to life’s challenges available to all of us. It is the pathway of awakening, which requires the willingness to practice personal honesty and accountability. True awakening asks us to surrender our ego stance to which we so desperately cling, and to open our hearts and minds instead to seek the deeper Truth that exists in all of life. It is by aligning to this deeper Truth that we find the grace to surrender our hero worship at the false feet of egoic self. In the presence of Truth, our false gods and beliefs are laid bare for the shabby fakes they are, and we surrender our false attachments to right or wrong, to judgment and blame, to justification and shame, to avoidance and projection.
Higher Truth is available to all of us at all times. The price for entry is simply this: we need to drop the ego’s cloak of duality and self-righteousness, and be willing to strip ourselves bare from all the limiting habits we’ve been hiding behind. Beyond the false identity of ego our souls await – ever pure, ever whole and ever peaceful. In that Presence, the illusion of struggle and competition dissolve to reveal the eternal Oneness of All that Is.
Our souls are not stirred by comfort and denial; it is upheaval that throws us out of our comfort zone into the uncertainty of life and awakens us. The goal of life, then, is not to avoid discomfort and the unknown; it is to lean into these times without holding back. The loss off our former safety net can become the opportunity to fly if we can stay present in the moment and stay open to the opportunities revealed by upheaval.
Are you feeling anxious because your world is coming apart? Do you feel as if you struggling on alone, without support, stuck in misery and confusion?
When upheaval comes, it is very helpful to remember that you are experiencing it because the cozy predictability of your life has just been addressed somehow. It may feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under you and you are falling through mid-air. This very sense of groundlessness invites you to stay present, and to see this is an invitation to deeper awakening and growth.
When we stop resisting fear of the unknown and stay present to our experience, we discover more and more freedom. We learn to lean into the Permanence that exists beyond the solid world of senses, and to surrender our attachment to the impermanence of the created world.
We are invited to discover the limitless freedom of Infinite Awareness manifest in us, and to recognize the timeless nature of Being. As we let go of our narrow identity as bodies, we can expand into the spaciousness of our true nature. We are expansive enough to stay present in every experience as it unfolds.
There is no need to defend false ego constructs: no need to attack, distract, or ignore what is unfolding in our lives. We can step back from drama and align with the Presence in which all possibilities exists and from where all creation emanates.
This letting go of our attachment to comfort and security, allows us to align with the Source of all that is, instead of the limited creations of ego. It restores us to ultimate freedom. From here, we can create a better world by focusing on what is truly meaningful, truthful, and inclusive.
©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. Ada Porat is an energy kinesiologist & pastoral counselor with extensive international teaching & clinical experience. She uses body/mind/spirit techniques to help clients make optimal life choices. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com
by Ada Porat | Nov 18, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Fear and anxiety, Life skills, Mindfulness, Personal growth, Spirituality
Photo Credit: Nadir Syzygy, Unsplash
Life as we knew it, is going through some enormous shifts at every level. This can be uncomfortable, even scary, especially when we focus our attention on external matters.
Fortunately, the external world is the world of effects; all true change happens from the non-physical Field of energy. As awakened beings, we have the ability to direct our focus to this unified, benevolent Force Field and to let our alignment serve as a conduit for the flow of Life Force to create optimal outcomes in the world around us.
This is our privilege and our mandate. Living as awakened beings asks us to recognize that we are the culture carriers of an emerging new world, no matter how unimportant we may seem in the larger scheme of things.
The currency of this emerging new world is not money, but consciousness. It is the level of consciousness we embody, that will enable us to create optimal outcomes for ourselves, our loved ones and the future. The higher our embodied level of consciousness, the higher the outcomes we can create.
Each moment of each day, we contribute to the field of consciousness, from where possibilities and probabilities can emerge when critical mass is reached.
We can contribute to the creation of optimal realities only to the extent we embody awakened consciousness. None of us can create outcomes at levels higher than our embodied consciousness.
That means we need to discipline our thoughts, for our thoughts direct the energy flow. All creative activity starts with this inner work because as within, so without. We cannot create outside of ourselves that which we are not in alignment with.
It reminds me of a talk the Dalai Lama gave about world peace, and someone questioned how we could ever accomplish world peace with so much conflict around us. The Dalai Lama’s response was: “Today, you can have peace in the world if you commit to become the peace you seek in the world. If each one of you reaches out with forgiveness and compassion to the one person you react to the most; the one person you most judge, hate or despise, you will have laid a stone on the path of world peace.“
Peace starts with each one of us. And if we wish to build a more peaceful world, we need to learn how to control our reactivity.
Everyone experiences different triggers: for some it is the news, for others politics, or the fear of what could happen, or the demands of others, or frustration over external setbacks or events. You may simply be aware of having a hair-trigger anger or impatience, which represents your individual reactivity to triggers.
Once you recognize the triggers that get to you, you can learn to use them as opportunities for awakening more fully and disciplining your mind.
Your state of consciousness is your most valuable asset in awakening. By becoming conscious of your specific reactivity triggers, you can use those triggers to awaken more fully instead of feeding the ego with reactivity. You can use every triggering situation as part of your spiritual practice to move deeper into Truth.
Most of us don’t like conflict. We seek harmony and when there are too many conflicting triggers around, we ‘lose’ it. Yet dissonance is an integral part of life; the key to inner peace lies not in trying to avoid triggers, but in learning to use them as a way to become more conscious, more awake and more aware.
Every trigger in your life – annoying people, political infighting, COVID constraints, and even the nagging of your children or the traffic noises, offer you lessons in disguise. Instead of feeding the ego with reactivity, you can take advantage of each trigger as an opportunity for growth.
External situations teach us to focus on the one thing that matters: inner peace. Amid outer clamor and drama, we can move our awareness past the ego’s resistance and reactivity to focus on the deep inner peace at the center of everything. This is our primary work as awakened beings; when we no longer feed ego reactivity, we become instruments for peace on earth.
We transform our own reactivity with conscious awareness, awakened choice and disciplined repetition.
As soon as you recognize a trigger arising, you are already in the driver seat. You remember that you have a choice. You can choose to react or you can shift your focus to the observer within, where Eternal peace prevails.
When you recognize anger or frustration arising within, choose to focus not on resisting the present moment or reacting to it. Instead, consciously move your awareness within to find the presence of Eternal Peace beneath the surface there.
If you ‘lose it’ emotionally and lash out or react, it simply means that you momentarily lost conscious awareness and became unconscious.
When you first set about working on reactivity, you may lose it and only recognize that you had become reactive after it happens. Disciplined awareness will help you to stay conscious in the midst of triggers, and you will increasingly maintain awareness that you can choose how to respond.
Do not be discouraged when you lose it and become unconscious; some of our unconscious behaviors have been ingrained for lifetimes. This is why it is so difficult for societies to acknowledge their shadow and to work with it.
By noticing how we have turned away from truth and become unconscious, we may experience guilt, shame or fear, which simply adds another of layer of reactivity to the mix. And when we project that emotion outward because it is too uncomfortable to face, we not only feed the ego instead of the soul; we feed divisiveness and become a part of the problem.
Staying conscious requires you to have compassion for yourself. Recognize that when you choose to become spiritually unconscious, you are feeding the ego with reactivity and harming yourself. Compassion allows you to simply acknowledge when you fall short, and resolve to remain fully conscious the next time around.
Self-discipline brings incremental empowerment. The next time a trigger arises, you may notice that you remained aware for a longer time before losing it. By recognizing that you lost it, you are increasing your awareness. Each time you are triggered, your growing awareness empowers you to stay alert so you do go unconscious and feed the ego with reactivity.
Cultivating conscious awareness is the key to moving through the gamut of daily triggers without losing your peace or feeding the ego. Stabilize your consciousness in your inner observer awareness; it will remind you that every trigger offers you a choice. By choosing to align with Higher awareness within, you will gradually detach from the tyranny of the ego and remain at peace.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jul 22, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Life skills, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-awareness
Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to difficult emotions such as anxiety and shame. It is a portable form of therapy that can be applied anywhere.
Many people think of self-compassion as a weak trait and shun it in their effort to act tough. And yet, self-compassion is hugely important to help us learn and grow.
It allows us to become more resilient because we accept the inherent possibility of both failure and success in all areas of life, instead of resisting it. Through the lens of self-compassion, we recognize that both failure and success are part of the process of life. Instead of hardening our stance in the face of setbacks, this recognition helps us to accept ourselves and our best effort as good enough in each moment. Even when we fail, self-compassion gives us the courage to try again.
The aspect of ourselves that judges, blames or shames ourselves or others, will be the slowest in evolving. Our least evolved parts are usually stuck in basic survival instincts, including excessive self-criticism, fear, hatred and shame.
By healing this within us, we are able to fully evolve.
Whenever we feel threatened by something outside ourselves, we automatically revert back to the primal fight/freeze/flight response for protection and safety. We lash out, self-isolate or avoid confrontation instead of learning how to effectively deal with challenges.
When danger is experienced on the inside, we go a step further: we internalize the fight/freeze/flight response and instead judge, blame or abandon ourselves. We devolve toward self-criticism, isolation and stuckness – the unholy trinity of woundedness.
A good case in point is the anxiety that many people experience around public speaking. According to psychologist and mindfulness practitioner Dr. Chris Germer, a public speaking anxiety is not an anxiety disorder; it is a shame disorder. At the root of the anxiety that causes us to fear failure or to choke up, lies deep shame.
When we internalize our shame, we create anxiety.
Self-compassion dissolves this excessive shame and self-criticism to bring balance thru self-love. In essence, the practice of self-compassion allows us to hold ourselves in the midst of shame, acknowledging that we are all imperfect beings and embracing ourselves nonetheless.
Many of us extend compassion toward others, yet have difficulty in holding compassion toward ourselves. We can be compassionate to others because we don’t feel immediately threatened by their challenges.
And yet, healthy self-compassion is a necessary prerequisite to master before we can offer true compassion to others.
Why is it so difficult for us to develop self-compassion?
Self-compassion is not our first response at the instinctual level of survival; it is a skill we need to develop from a spiritual perspective if we wish to break free from living at basic levels of survival and evolve into our fullest potential. Old conditioning of self-judgment, unworthiness and shame also make it difficult for us to practice self-compassion and block our growth. To continue evolving, it becomes essential for us to address these emotions.
Self-compassion can be seen as a melting of the heart in the face of difficulty – stepping out of judgment and into compassion devoid of judgment for ourselves or others. It allows the lower, denser emotions to dissolve in the higher frequencies of compassion and love.
When the heart starts to soften around an issue, we will re-experience some of the same emotions previously triggered by conditions: shame, guilt, pain, grief, disappointment and more. And yet, as we learn how to hold that space of compassion for ourselves, we become strong enough to hold our pain as well. By becoming present and acknowledging these buried emotions, they can finally dissolve so we can let go of woundedness in our lives.
Self-compassion gives us the capacity to hold ourselves in love while we process old pain differently and resolve it, instead of staying stuck in a dysfunctional coping mechanism. This practice allows us to become stronger and more resilient, and we grow in grace.
Even as life continues to offer us emotional triggers, our growing ability for self-compassion and understanding empowers us to hold that safe space of compassion for ourselves. It allows us to see ourselves as a work in process, holding our struggles and the messiness of our lives in compassion. I believe this is what pioneering psychologist Carl Rogers meant when he said: “When I accept myself just as I am, I can begin to change.”
Self-compassion becomes easier with practice. It develops our ability to extend compassion and forgiveness to all forms of life, and to offer more life-expanding love to others. Ultimately, it connects us intimately to the abundantly rich wellspring life.
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence; it means treating ourselves with the same care, love and support we would give another.
This inner stance allows us to ask ourselves what we need and then giving that to ourselves. It allows us to recognize that all people are imperfect – including us – and to admit that in ourselves at the very moment we feel we’re failing. It gives us the grace to accept what is instead of getting stuck in resistance and denial.
At the core of self-compassion lies mindfulness – observing things as they happen and being willing to stay present with difficult emotions. Mindfulness is a wonderful practice because it teaches us how to step out of the drama and practice compassion toward ourselves and all sentient beings.
Lasting transformation comes not from just understanding the process of self-compassion, but putting it into practice as a personal way of living.
Here are a few guidelines to help you live from a place of self-compassion:
- When you find yourself failing or suffering, bring mindfulness to it – acknowledge that you are struggling to validate yourself.
- Remind yourself of the common humanity of the situation – this is not just you; it is part of all of life. Struggle is a part of life.
- Speak some words of kindness to yourself; comfort yourself and give yourself the encouragement that you would give your best friend.
- Cultivate the habit of practicing lovingkindness to yourself and all sentient beings in all circumstances – especially the challenging ones! An excellent place to start is with the Buddhist Lovingkindness prayer, one version of which you can find at Buddhagroove.
- Commit to a daily practice of self-compassion. In the flow of life, a self-compassionate response means honoring the pain of seeing what we’ve done; recognize difficult situations as areas in need of healing, acknowledging the experience and its related shame in love, and then opening our hearts with forgiveness and compassion in the midst of shame.
When more and more people commit to practicing self-compassion, we create a culture of kindness in which everyone can heal and grow. Together, we can become a force for healing in a broken world.
About the Author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Feb 20, 2020 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Empowering changes, Fear and anxiety, Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-awareness
Gandhi, that great peacemaker and inspirational leader, applied a simple motto to his life. It read, “My life is my message.”
Gandhi understood that we communicate with everyone we encounter each day; our lives are the books read by others, and our message is shared through our attitudes, values, beliefs, thoughts, words and actions – everything that drives us daily.
The message of your life consists of three very important components. Through it:
- You guide yourself to what is possible;
- You guide others about what is most important to you and what they can expect of you; and
- You affect and influence the larger environment around you.
What does your life message say? Your message will always communicate what is most important to you. For your life to have positive impact, it is essential to cultivate awareness of the issues that occupy your time and attention.
You shape your life through the power of your attention before you even make a choice. Whatever you pay attention to, think about, dwell on, talk, worry or obsess about, will increase and multiply until it affects who you become.
- If you constantly think about what frightens you, you will become more fearful.
- If you constantly think about how unfair life is, you will see more reasons to support this view.
- If you believe you are worthless, your choices and behaviors will reflect that belief.
- If you feel entitled to be angry, you will find more and more to be angry about.
Likewise, when you pay close attention to what is positive, hopeful, supportive, uplifting and encouraging, your life and sense of self will inevitably reflect that.
You have the power to choose what you cultivate in the inner garden of your mind!
Whatever your circumstances, you can direct your attention to what will most positively affect your attitudes and actions. Your personal attitudes and values can lift your spirits or dash them far more effectively than anything outside yourself can!
The power of consciously focusing your attention also sets the stage for personal empowerment in your life. To the same extent that you harness your focus to practice self-awareness and self-knowledge, personal happiness and inner harmony become available within. Self-knowledge helps guide optimal choices, so the more self-knowledge you develop, the more self-empowered you ultimately become.
True self-knowledge allows for an honest assessment of strengths and weaknesses – not to judge or avoid the weaker aspects, but to allow for their healing and integration. This process is at the core of all personal growth. It ultimately empowers you to call on inner strengths and capabilities to meet life’s challenges, instead of making excuses for your woundedness or fear. Each time you strengthen or heal an area of woundedness, you become more integrated and more resilient to make empowering choices.
Over time, self-knowledge fosters trust in yourself and in the choices you make. There is no short-cut to true self-knowledge; it is developed in the thick of living where it grows from keen awareness and attention to the unfolding process of your life.
Your life is your most powerful message to others, and self-knowledge allows you to fine-tune that message. By observing your life and actions, you can cultivate the attitude and skills necessary to fulfill your life purpose in the most optimal way.
Here are a few pointers to get you started on honing your unique message:
Observe your impact on other people. Put yourself in their shoes. See yourself from their perspective. Listen to yourself. Get to know your emotional terrain and how it affects everyone around you. When you don’t like what you see, change it!
Listen carefully to your own stories. Your stories shape your character, temperament and sense of what is possible, so know what your stories are. How do you habitually describe the impact of life events on you? What themes do you emphasize? Which stories do you keep harking back to? When you see the impact of the stories you tell, you can change your habitual stories for more optimal outcomes.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps even more important than your strengths, is the awareness of what challenges you. Both strengths and obstacles have lots to teach you. True authenticity is found by being aware of your weaknesses and working to improve them, yet choosing to reach for your highest potential.
Find out what matters to you. What do you talk about most persistently? Where are you focusing your time, money and attention? If it does not bring you the outcomes you desire, perhaps it is time to shift your focus.
Notice what makes you happy. What makes you feel genuinely excited and alive? What inspires and moves you? What fascinates you? Focus on these things, and they will surely expand to enrich your life.
Notice what dampens your enthusiasm. What are the thoughts that drive your fearful thinking? When you become aware of the thoughts that trigger your emotions and spin you into fear, anxiety or depression, you can exchange them for positive ones. Emotions are driven by thoughts, not the other way around.
Notice how much you learn from your mistakes. There is no failure in life; there is only learning. Cultivating this attitude will save you from repeating self-destructive behaviors. Adopting an open mind leads to learning and growth; it also allows you to let go of habitual defensiveness and fear because you increasingly act from self-awareness instead of ignorance.
Learn from other people. It has been said that smart people learn from their experiences; brilliant people learn from the experiences of others. When you appreciate the experiences of others, you do not need to repeat them for your own learning; instead, you can avoid pitfalls and focus on optimal actions.
Get to know your inner world. You are the only companion you have for life. By getting to understand your own dreams, hopes and wishes, you’re able to support yourself in the best possible way to reach those goals while maintaining a sense of inner harmony.
Stay curious. Children are wonderful teachers because their minds are not cluttered with value judgments of good and bad. The more curiosity you cultivate about life, the more you will move out of judgment and into the field of possibilities from where miracles happen.
Your life is indeed your unique message and contribution to the world. Self-knowledge is the key to unlock that message so you can communicate most effectively with yourself, others and the world around you.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
