by Ada Porat | Sep 18, 2013 | Body Mind Spirit, Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Fear and anxiety, Life coaching, Life transitions
Every option seems to have a downside. How do I know what’s best? I’m so confused,” a friend recently complained.
My friend was caught in a quandary familiar to many of us. After losing a well-paying job and pounding the pavement for months to find another, an excellent opportunity had just come up – but it required moving out of state. Now a decision had to be made: stay on unemployment and hope for something to turn up locally, uproot the family to accept the offer out of state… or consider something different altogether?
Every option offered potential benefits as well as the potential for failure. The conversation reminded me of six principles of effective decision-making that the school of life taught me.
1. Decision-making is easy when there are no discrepancies in your value system
Fact is, there are decisions to be made every moment of life. Over time, these choices tend to unfold as failure or success, fulfillment or disappointment, or any of the myriad choices in between. So how can we optimize decision-making and minimize the downside?
A clear understanding of your core values will help you choose well at the decision-making junctions of life. These inner values and your emotions around them form an integral part of the decision-making process. Awareness of your core values makes it easier for you to choose options that are in harmony with those values. In the example above, a bit of probing help my friend recognize her core values, which includes being able to provide for her family. Once she recognized this core value, it was easier for her to embrace the idea of working out of town for a while instead of clinging to the security of the known.
2. Effective decision-making deals decisively with fear
I’ve found that most folk who cling to the comfort and security of their known environment, are doing so from fear: fear of the unknown, fear of failing, fear of making mistakes. If you want to make great decisions, you absolutely need to evict fear from your life. It is a dream killer and a useless waste of energy!
3. Effective decision-making looks at content as well as context
Your inner values and desires constitute the immediate content of your decisions. Beyond that inner world of content, effective decision-making also requires you to consider relevant factors in your external environment. When external factors are ignored, even great decisions can lead to failure. In the example above, some of the external factors my friend needed to consider included the timing of the job offer, overall economic conditions, the availability of other opportunities, and how each decision might impact the family.
4. Effective decision-making requires you to be truthful
Decisions based on inner truth lead to empowerment. Choices that compromise your truth, lead to conflict and confusion.
Socrates observed that each of us chooses what we believe to be optimal, given our level of awareness and insight at the time. Our choices create a resonant frequency field which attracts resonant energies and repels dissonant frequencies. Over time, particles of probability in this attractor field evolve into possibilities that manifest as reality. Our thoughts and choices ultimately manifest as things, so it behooves us to focus on truth!
You cannot live an authentic life while dishonoring your inner truth. There comes a time for each of us when we must choose to honor our truth and let the chips fall where they may. As Marianne Williamson has said, our playing small does not serve the world.
The Course in Miracles teaches that Truth is not frail. Truth can withstand the demands of the ego. It can surmount envy, misconceptions and judgment, because it needs no defense.
True power lies in choosing from within, from the strength of having owned your fears, from the gentleness that you carry with grace. Each time you choose to honor your truth, you are creating more resonance to empower your journey.
5. Effective decision-making needs focused intention
Do you know what is really motivating you? A great way of drilling down to your true intention is by asking yourself effective questions. Answering these questions will help you uncover patterns of self-sabotage, fear or compromise so you can make clear decisions. Author Debbie Ford outlines great questions in her book, The Right Questions. Here are a few:
- Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or keep me stuck in the past?
- Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or short-term gratification?
- Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
- Am I looking for what is right or for what is wrong?
- Will this choice add to my life force or rob me of energy?
- Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow or as an excuse to beat myself up?
- Does this choice empower or disempower me?
- Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
- Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
6. Effective decision-making requires involvement of body, mind and soul
Finally, sound decision-making requires that you listen to the subtle messages within you at all levels: body, mind and soul. You can learn to tap into your innate wisdom by cultivating healthy connections among your body, mind and soul. Each of these levels communicates in different ways. Take time for meditation or contemplation. It will help you stay centered and at peace. Remain aware of your spiritual core guiding you through the physical challenges of life, and you will become effective at decision-making.
Once you’ve made a decision, stay flexible and embrace ambiguity. As additional information surfaces, you may want to adapt to it. Remember, change is usually a messy process! Flexibility makes it easier to navigate through change so you can optimize outcomes.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jul 29, 2013 | Body Mind Spirit, Change bad habits, Conscious living, Fear and anxiety, Healthy boundaries, Life coaching
Stress is an inevitable byproduct of modern life, and it is compounded by the fact that most of us have too much to do and too little free time. Your very survival depends on how well you learn to cope with stress.
Are you getting seven hours of free time a day? According to new research from Direct Line Insurance, seven hours – or six hours 59 minutes to be precise – is the minimum we need for perfect work/life balance. The reality, of course, is a different matter. On average, we tend to only get around four free hours daily due to time pressures at work and home.
Work and free time used to coexist in a state of relative equilibrium up until 1995 – around the time that personal computer use really took off. Since then, the optimal balance between work and play has steadily been deteriorating because of longer work hours, increased accessibility of wireless phone and networks, and the resulting stream of 24/7 demands.
Quite frankly, stress is a killer. It is responsible for 40% of work-related illnesses. A large international study recently found that stress can increase the likelihood of a heart attack by almost 50%. Stress has also been implicated in a host of health problems including back pain, heart disease, high blood pressure, migraine, asthma, digestive problems, infertility and allergies.
Moreover, scientists found that an individual is affected as much by their perception of stress as by the actual levels of stress they experience. In other words, stress triggers the body’s physiological fight or flight response, whether the stress is an actual reality or simply something you think about as bad.
In fact, most of our mental or emotional stress is caused by our resistance to what’s happening or to the situation we’re in. Our bodies interpret resistance as stress.
Since it is a fact of modern life, is it essential to your health and well-being that you learn how to cope with stress effectively. And the first strategy is to adjust your attitude.
Adjust Your Attitude
If you expect life to show up in the way that you want, your day can be filled with frustration and stress.
If, on the other hand, you recognize that you do not have absolute control over what shows up in your day, you can let go of resisting it and focus on a more effective response: you can control your attitude and the way you respond to life.
By shifting your attitude to do what you can with what shows up instead of resisting it, you are letting go of the dissonance that causes stress.
Just think about it: today is the very future you’ve been worried and anxious about. Your future has shown up and you are still here, still breathing! Stressing about it did not change the course of time – it merely added to your levels of annoyance, frustration, worry and fear. Stressing does not change the course of life; it simply makes you unhappy and causes disease.
The way I see it, tomorrow will show up anyway. You can choose to stress and worry about it, or you can choose to trust in a benevolent universe doing what it knows to do. And since stress only hurts you, you might as well choose to trust. When you accept that there is an Intelligence far greater than your own that created life and is still at the center of all that unfolds, you will experience peace of mind instead… and you will cope with stress more effectively.
At times, it may appear as if your life is adrift on the stormy seas of life, and there is no land in sight. These are the times when you need to remember that the Universe knows your name. Wherever you may find yourself, you are intimately known – and supported – by your Creator.
The answers may not always show up in the way or at the time you expected – just let go of resisting what shows up and let it guide you to a healthier response. The outcomes may surpass anything you’d imagined!
Once you’ve made this all-important attitude adjustment, there are numerous practical steps you can take to cope with stress. I lump most of them together in two groups: proper self-care and healthy boundaries.
Practice Proper Self-Care
The most common way people cope with stress is by consuming sugar or alcohol. Having an energy drink doesn’t help either – these products are stimulants that ultimately backfire because a stressed body is already hyper-stimulated. Over time, they contribute to adrenal exhaustion or burnout.
Instead, take a break away from your desk when you feel stressed. Move your body – go for a brief walk. Refocus your mind and focus on your breathing. Slow down your breathing; breathe deep into the belly and exhale slowly.
Take care of your body by preparing and enjoying healthy, nutritious meals. Take extra B-vitamins. Have an early night to catch up on sleep.
Call a friend, love your pet or find ways to make you to make you laugh – it is physically impossible for the body to be relaxed and stressed at the same time. A colleague recently told me how he collapsed on the couch after work one night, exhausted from the day’s stress, and started watching Disney cartoons until he’d laughed so much, all the stress drained from his body. His favorite was Donald Duck in Early to Bed – you can watch it on YouTube here.
When you interrupt the body’s physiological response to stress in this way, you prevent it from escalating. Beyond that, you can learn specific relaxation strategies and techniques. You can even take up yoga or go for a massage.
Start by taking small steps: push back against stress by nurturing yourself. Proper self-care or relaxation is not a luxury; it is essential if you want to stay healthy and effective.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Realistically, you may not be able to quit your stressful job cold turkey or move to a desert island to avoid stress. But doing something to cope with stress is clearly better than doing nothing!
Nobody else knows just where your personal limits are, so it is up to you to create healthy boundaries in your life.
Learn to say ‘no.’ Don’t let others guilt you into an onerous commitment that leaves you resentful because you are spread too thin. Say no without guilt, and you will be able to say yes with a happy heart when the right opportunity shows up.
Review your support system. Are too many people draining your energy? Are your friendships providing support and sustenance for both parties? Perhaps it is time to eliminate the frenemies who leave you drained, or to enlarge your circle for more comprehensive support.
After an intense workday, set healthy boundaries by turning off your phone when you finally get to spend time with family. And just as you would schedule a meeting at work, you need to schedule enjoyable activities during your free time.
Take a sabbatical. Friends have learned that I do not respond to email or socialize on Sundays. I fast words – taking a much needed break to spend time in nature, meditate, garden or even just watch the birds at the feeder. This mini-sabbatical lets me start the workweek with renewed clarity and vigor.
Above all, know that you are not alone. Everyone deals with stress; yet you can learn to cope better by learning skills to adjust your attitude, practice proper self-care and set healthy boundaries.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
