by Ada Porat | Jan 30, 2014 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Depression, Fear and anxiety, Gratitude, Life coaching
By Kane Matthews and the Xtend Life Team
Reprinted with permission
A continued state of high stress about what could go wrong is not good for our well-being. If you’ve read the works of Nostradamus, you might see the end of the world lurking around every single corner.
You probably also saw people spending time worrying that the world would come to an end along with the Mayan calendar in December of last year. Let’s not forget movies have sold millions of tickets about Martians invading. For some people this is a welcome and brief entertainment, for others this is an ongoing cause of concern.
Extreme religious sects have based their entire teachings on ‘end-of-the-world-beliefs’ – Harold Camping preached that the world would end on May 21, 2011 – a movement that controls followers through the use of fear.
Fear and worry – especially unmanageable ones such as end-of-the-world prophesies – can be big roadblocks to happiness, for a variety of different reasons.
“A mind that is afraid withers away; it cannot function properly,” wrote Jiddu Kristnamurti in his book On Fear.
Not only that, but fear can stop you in your tracks, bringing about a sense of stagnation – almost as if you’re waiting around for something. As you worry and fret, you’re putting stress on your body and mind, and as you’re on high alert for something that may never come, you’re wasting time that could be spent making life improvements and increasing your happiness.
“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out… and do it,” said Susan J. Jeffers in Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.
Sure, sometimes life throws boulders in our path. We fail to get the promotion we worked so hard for, the person we thought was “the one” decides to break it off or a natural disaster strikes too close to home.
Even after a boulder passes, there will likely be others to follow. Of course we could climb into bed and cocoon ourselves against the problems of the world, waiting for happiness to miraculously drive up and knock on our doors, or we could face our fears and fight them off in a true quest for happiness.
According to Dr. Timothy Sharp, author of The Happiness Handbook and founder of the Happiness Institute, as with anything, it takes work to be happy.
“Those who fail to plan, plan to fail,” said Sharp. “Just like in any other life domain, the pursuit of happiness requires planning.”
But by taking action and working at happiness, we create the opportunity to realize that we are more capable than we might have ever known, boosting our self-esteem and making us feel better about ourselves in the process.
By setting goals to be happy and doing things that make you happy – essentially putting in the work – you can rock yourself out of the waiting game and sow the seeds of real happiness with clear, concise actions.
See the good in the now.
Look around you and truly recognize what it is about your life that is good. Knowing how to focus on the good rather than the bad can change perceptions, meaning that instead of planning for the end of the world, you’ll instead be looking ahead to tomorrow with expectation and excitement.
“The only moment in which we can be truly happy is the present moment,” said Sharp. “The only moment over which we have control is the present moment. So be happy now. Because if not now, then when?”
This means that as difficult as may be, it’s important to stop waiting around for happiness to come.
You can say “I’ll be happy when I land the dream job, lose the weight or get married,” but chances are pretty good that even if you do land the dream job, reach your goal weight or find your soul mate, you’ll still find yourself putting off happiness for some other goal.
Even if your life is not exactly what you’ve always hoped for right now, recognize what is good about it and revel in it. Finding happiness in the now doesn’t have to be a measure of what you have, but rather how you see your life and the good things in it.
Celebrating the good in all its forms is vital to happiness.
Understand that we all make mistakes, and some of them can be pretty big ones. But we can learn from them, and grow because of those lessons, no matter how painful.
Because of the errors we’ve made, like a broken bone that heals even stronger, we are better than we were before because we know more. Rather than dwelling on those mistakes, see them as opportunities for growth, and appreciate the blessing.
Train yourself to find the positive side.
The song “Keep on the Sunny Side of Life” was written in 1889, but the idea remains absolutely true. No matter what comes your way, finding the light present in the darkness is key to real happiness.
The Dalai Lama said, “The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones.”
While the idea of positive affirmations might seem simplistic, finding a way to replace the negatives with positives are key to ensuring that we feel amazing and capable, every day of our lives. The Power of Positive Thinking became a bestseller for Norman Vincent Peale because the idea works.
According to self-help guru Anthony Robbins, affirmations help unleash the power within, reminding us that we are able to accomplish dreams and goals by erasing the self-doubt and negativity that can erode happiness.
Negativity is like a curtain that blocks the sun. Since the sun is an essential nutrient to grow and heal, opening the curtains and letting the sunlight in through positive affirmations can ease bad feelings and create a sense of hopefulness where once was despair.
Keep the following affirmations in your arsenal to haul out when times are tough:
• Every day in every way I am getting better and better.
• The past is gone. I live only in the present.
• My good comes from everywhere and everyone. All is well in my world.
After time – because your mind flexes and responds to this new way of thinking – you will begin to turn more naturally to positive thoughts, while the negative ones are kept at bay.
By insulating yourself from negativity, you’ll also be protecting your health, according to Dr. Christopher Peterson of the University of Michigan, who found that optimistic people have a stronger immune system than their pessimistic cousins. Optimists tend to take better care of themselves, Peterson said, and therefore feel better – and happier – as well.
Have gratitude for the little things.
Whether it’s a sunny day, a kiss from a puppy or a fuzzy blanket on a cold day, take the time to appreciate the small things in life, writes author Gretchen Rubin in Good Housekeeping magazine.
“I’ve long been haunted by the words of the French writer Colette: ‘What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.’ That quote is why I’ve been working hard at finding happiness in the small, ordinary details in life and appreciating the adventure of everyday existence,” she writes.
Life has its highs and its lows. But being aware of what’s good in your life can make those lows feel easier to bear.
To reinforce those good feelings, try to do things that you enjoy every day.
Whether you find happiness in sipping a cup of tea while watching birds from your porch, spending time with your partner, taking a long bath or walking in the woods, make time as often as possible to do the things you enjoy doing.
Make a move.
Sometimes, a big jolt of change can do the trick and transform your life from bad to good and release a sense of happiness.
If you find yourself immersed in misery, fear and worry, maybe it’s time for a change of scenery. Clearly, your job, your relationship, whatever it is that’s going on in your life, isn’t working. If you’re in a situation to make changes, doing so can make a big difference.
“You have been blessed with immeasurable power to make positive changes in your life,” said Steve Maraboli in his book Life, the Truth, and Being Free.
Ultimately, our happiness rests in our own hands, and we alone have the power to make the changes we need to be happy.
Sticking around in a bad situation can leave you feeling stagnant – if you do what you’ve always done, you will get the same results, many experts have said – but making a move, taking on fear and doing something unexpected, can reveal inner strength that you never realized you had.
“We can’t be afraid of change,” said C. JoyBell C., author of The Sun is Snowing and other poetic works. “You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea.
“There is fun to be done. Make it a point every day to tell yourself that today, on this new and wonderful day, things are changing. And on this day, anything is possible.
“It may lead to the end of what was once a little world, but remember what the band R.E.M. said about that: ‘It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.’”
This article is reprinted with permission from the monthly Xtend Life newsletter. To learn more about Xtend Life, visit www.xtend-life.com.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Dec 31, 2013 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Life coaching, Mindfulness
Still feeling a pang of guilt because last year’s resolutions did not make it past Valentine’s Day?
Perhaps those resolutions never stood a chance because you did not prime the pump first! Let me explain.
Most of us are looking for similar things in life: more time, love, joy, health and quality of life. What we sometimes forget, is that good things don’t simply fall down from the sky. We need to put some effort towards getting the outcomes we desire!
On my grandfather’s farm was a creaky old water pump. Before it would start drawing water from the well, it had to be primed with a cup of water. As a child, I used to love participating by pouring a cup of water down the pump before pumping the squeaky handle up and down, up and down… until a small stream of water would start running from the spout. Once the water started flowing, one could fill up as many buckets with water as needed, and it all started with the simple act of priming the pump with water first.
The water pump would not yield water if primed with rocks. It needed to be primed with water – the same substance I desired from it. In life it works the same way: we prime the pump of life with that which we contribute, and we attract that which we emanate. If we emanate lack, we cannot attract abundance and if we emanate anger, we cannot attract love. Because like attracts like, we therefore need to first prime the pump by giving of that which we desire.
In the process, the very quality we focus on giving becomes an integral part of our being. Just as that old water pump on the farm yielded as much water as desired after it was primed, a life that exudes love, abundance and joy, draws more of the same qualities.
This year, instead of making the same old New Year resolutions, perhaps it would be more meaningful to prime the pump with the very qualities you would like to see more of in your life.
Here are some ideas to get you started. By practicing even just one of these principles consistently over time, you will find that life returns to you a bountiful measure of the same.
- I treat everyone in my life with the love and respect that I would receive from them.
- I believe it is more important to be loving than to be right, and I apply this in my life daily.
- I look for the beauty in every person and everything that crosses my path.
- I practice lovingkindness toward all sentient beings.
- I take steps to simplify my life so I can enjoy more with less.
- I find time to nurture my body, mind and soul, even if it is only a few minutes each day.
- I focus on what is right rather than what is wrong.
- I forgive those who have hurt me and let go of old wrongs so there may be peace on earth.
- I look for solutions, not for scapegoats.
- I find and express gratitude in my life each day.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Nov 14, 2013 | Change bad habits, Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Life coaching, Life transitions
How resilient are you? Resilience is defined as the ability to return to your original form after being bent, stretched or compressed. It’s the ability to readily recover from illness or adversity. And success depends on your skill at cultivating resilience!
Life’s setbacks and disasters often arrive without prior warning. And while we may not have a choice as to what happens in our lives, we do have a choice in how we respond.
A healthy response requires cultivating inner resilience to recover from setbacks, broken hearts and dreams, financial crisis, loss of a loved one, or health setbacks.
The good news is that you and I can succeed at cultivating resilience. We can exercise it like a muscle, and in the process we can turn the challenging circumstances of our lives into opportunities that deepen our faith and strengthen our very fiber.
Cultivating resilience requires the ability to ask tough questions of yourself and be honest with your answers. If you had something to do with your loss or setback, it is important to accept responsibility for your share of it.
It also requires a sense of responsibility: the understanding that we are all connected and that your actions – for better or for worse – affect others. While you may not have control over the actions of others, accepting full responsibility for your own actions sets you free to respond in a manner that contributes to the greater good.
Cultivating resilience calls for humor to help reframe daunting obstacles and setbacks. When all else fails, learn to laugh at yourself and at the absurdity of your situation. When doctors handed journalist Norman Cousins a grave medical prognosis, he resolved to take charge of the things he could do: he checked himself out of the hospital, embarked on his own healing regimen, watched comedies… and literally laughed himself back to health!
Above all, cultivating resilience calls for faith: faith in your guidance, purpose and potential; faith to commit to life daily; and faith to get back up when circumstances knock you down. Once, when life had knocked me completely off my feet, a friend sent me a card that simply read,
”Fall down
seven times,
stand up eight.”
This Buddhist saying reaffirmed my faith and gave me the courage to keep going.
Every time you get up after a setback, every time you overcome a challenge in life, you develop more resilience.
May you grow, prosper and succeed despite your current challenges. May you grow stronger and more abundant despite the setbacks you’ve suffered in life, and may you cultivate resilience to see you through every challenge!
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Oct 30, 2013 | Conscious living, Cope with change, Fear and anxiety, Life transitions
Humanity has reached the most critical watershed period in its history. To survive this crucial era, we must deal with the consequences of our collective irresponsibility: unresolved global relations, monetary exploitation, misguided technological development, excessive human consumption, hyper-militarization, and exhaustion of environmental resources, to name a few. We are approaching absolute limits in nearly all vital areas, threatening the very survival of mankind. To survive, we need to tap into the transformative power of crisis.
This is the perfect storm of a defining era. It is not some futuristic horror scenario; it is happening in our lives now and we need to face facts. This is the moment to set aside complacency, analyze the evidence, and connect those critical dots. This is not a time for voicing opinions and platitudes; it is a time to tap into the transformative power of crisis by making drastic changes in our behaviors.
Futurist Hardy Schloer calls these times we live in the Consequence Era – a time that spans from 2010 to around 2050 and during which the consequences of past actions are coming due. It is payday and the very survival of our species will be determined by the actions we take now.
In a 2012 article published in the Club of Amsterdam Journal, Schloer outlines ten stages that all societies cycle through: from the first stage of irresponsible exuberance that fosters reckless behavior, to the collapse of unsustainable systems and rebirth of society in stage ten.
Schloer is not alone in his observations. Futurists and visionaries have been calling for urgent action since the 1980s. Recently, the BBC charted a list of changes anticipated in the next 150 years, along with the likelihood of each event occurring. It tracked developments in computing, politics, business, science nature, society and technology. The chart shows a clear shift towards increasing dystopia as we approach 2020, indicating a buildup of social pressure for obsolete systems to give way.
We are well into this Consequence Era and crises seem to everywhere. It is important to note that in our global community, these crises affect each one of us on this planet: rich and poor, North and South, East and West.
We know that the transformative power of crisis can be seen in individual transformations that tend to occur when people are pressed to make changes, often during crisis. Fewer transformations occur when things are going well and there is no apparent need to evolve, because we inherently resist change.
Nothing motivates like fear. Sometimes vision alone is insufficient. At such times, the juxtaposition of a frightening possibility and a sustainable alternative can team up to accelerate our shift to new states of consciousness and behavior.
It is time to look at the bigger milieu that forms the backdrop of our daily lives. We are connected to everything that happens in the world out there, for better and for worse. By connecting the dots of what is happening globally, we can tap into the transformative power of crisis to take effective action locally.
This process requires willingness: willingness to re-examine old assumptions, beliefs and attitudes; willingness to abandon old behaviors; and willingness to incorporate more beneficial practices. And this time, it is not just for the fun of personal growth; our survival depends on it. Are you willing to use the pain and discomfort in your life as fuel to grow?
I believe that we can tap into the transformative power of crisis globally to transform our minds, heal our lives and rebuild our world. It is time to muster the courage for meaningful change. We need to examine the bigger picture, educate ourselves about emerging potentials, and take appropriate action at the individual level. When we can do this, we will find creative ways to ultimately thrive during the Consequence Era.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Sep 18, 2013 | Body Mind Spirit, Conscious living, Cope with change, Decision-making, Fear and anxiety, Life coaching, Life transitions
Every option seems to have a downside. How do I know what’s best? I’m so confused,” a friend recently complained.
My friend was caught in a quandary familiar to many of us. After losing a well-paying job and pounding the pavement for months to find another, an excellent opportunity had just come up – but it required moving out of state. Now a decision had to be made: stay on unemployment and hope for something to turn up locally, uproot the family to accept the offer out of state… or consider something different altogether?
Every option offered potential benefits as well as the potential for failure. The conversation reminded me of six principles of effective decision-making that the school of life taught me.
1. Decision-making is easy when there are no discrepancies in your value system
Fact is, there are decisions to be made every moment of life. Over time, these choices tend to unfold as failure or success, fulfillment or disappointment, or any of the myriad choices in between. So how can we optimize decision-making and minimize the downside?
A clear understanding of your core values will help you choose well at the decision-making junctions of life. These inner values and your emotions around them form an integral part of the decision-making process. Awareness of your core values makes it easier for you to choose options that are in harmony with those values. In the example above, a bit of probing help my friend recognize her core values, which includes being able to provide for her family. Once she recognized this core value, it was easier for her to embrace the idea of working out of town for a while instead of clinging to the security of the known.
2. Effective decision-making deals decisively with fear
I’ve found that most folk who cling to the comfort and security of their known environment, are doing so from fear: fear of the unknown, fear of failing, fear of making mistakes. If you want to make great decisions, you absolutely need to evict fear from your life. It is a dream killer and a useless waste of energy!
3. Effective decision-making looks at content as well as context
Your inner values and desires constitute the immediate content of your decisions. Beyond that inner world of content, effective decision-making also requires you to consider relevant factors in your external environment. When external factors are ignored, even great decisions can lead to failure. In the example above, some of the external factors my friend needed to consider included the timing of the job offer, overall economic conditions, the availability of other opportunities, and how each decision might impact the family.
4. Effective decision-making requires you to be truthful
Decisions based on inner truth lead to empowerment. Choices that compromise your truth, lead to conflict and confusion.
Socrates observed that each of us chooses what we believe to be optimal, given our level of awareness and insight at the time. Our choices create a resonant frequency field which attracts resonant energies and repels dissonant frequencies. Over time, particles of probability in this attractor field evolve into possibilities that manifest as reality. Our thoughts and choices ultimately manifest as things, so it behooves us to focus on truth!
You cannot live an authentic life while dishonoring your inner truth. There comes a time for each of us when we must choose to honor our truth and let the chips fall where they may. As Marianne Williamson has said, our playing small does not serve the world.
The Course in Miracles teaches that Truth is not frail. Truth can withstand the demands of the ego. It can surmount envy, misconceptions and judgment, because it needs no defense.
True power lies in choosing from within, from the strength of having owned your fears, from the gentleness that you carry with grace. Each time you choose to honor your truth, you are creating more resonance to empower your journey.
5. Effective decision-making needs focused intention
Do you know what is really motivating you? A great way of drilling down to your true intention is by asking yourself effective questions. Answering these questions will help you uncover patterns of self-sabotage, fear or compromise so you can make clear decisions. Author Debbie Ford outlines great questions in her book, The Right Questions. Here are a few:
- Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or keep me stuck in the past?
- Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or short-term gratification?
- Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
- Am I looking for what is right or for what is wrong?
- Will this choice add to my life force or rob me of energy?
- Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow or as an excuse to beat myself up?
- Does this choice empower or disempower me?
- Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?
- Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?
6. Effective decision-making requires involvement of body, mind and soul
Finally, sound decision-making requires that you listen to the subtle messages within you at all levels: body, mind and soul. You can learn to tap into your innate wisdom by cultivating healthy connections among your body, mind and soul. Each of these levels communicates in different ways. Take time for meditation or contemplation. It will help you stay centered and at peace. Remain aware of your spiritual core guiding you through the physical challenges of life, and you will become effective at decision-making.
Once you’ve made a decision, stay flexible and embrace ambiguity. As additional information surfaces, you may want to adapt to it. Remember, change is usually a messy process! Flexibility makes it easier to navigate through change so you can optimize outcomes.
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
